TIME GOES BY

Can't believe half of the month of June is already over! The summer is coming and I am sort of excited about that. I have been in a bit of a fog over all the stuff that was going on over the past few months. The death of the dream (for now), the landlord from hell, the issues with internet heartaches, the efforts and energies you put into each of those things with all of your being, to be let down.

It was in the past, and nothing can change the past. It happened, time to move on. Time to keep setting goals and keep on keeping on. So I began adding some friends who I deleted to get away from it all, so that I can reunite with people who did care, but I couldn't be bothered to deal with. And it's nice that they are still so very much a part of my heart, and it's even nicer that they still have me in such high esteem and I still have so very much a place in their hearts.

My family has been quite supportive of the losses I have faced this past couple months, and that is really cool. I have such amazing support from people who love me. Why or how could I allow myself to feel down? It is the future, and not the past that I can still work at to achieve goals, and it is within myself that I find happiness more than from external forces. When someone talks crap about me, it doesn't phase me because I know what the truth is, and I know who I am.

This isn't the only time I have had to question whether I was right in the choices I have made, and ultimately, I have to say, I think I have tried to handle myself in the end, way better than I have in the past, in the way I have interacted with those who have hurt me or wronged me. That is a definite sign that in looking at my ideal, I am learning to dole out temperance with mercy. And when I see someone who means nothing good for me, if I were to show hatred toward them, I would only be filling my heart or my mind with hatred. And that is a consumer of energy which I can not afford to release at the moment.

All my energies right now are going to be focused on starting again. My dreams will still be realized in regard to the restaurant, and the next choices, I will venture to say, will be better than the first. I will have a better location, and a better grasp of what I need to beware of, and I will have a better budget in place, seeing where I needed to be this time around.

And as far as the whole relational things, eh. I have nothing negative to say about what happened. He is still a person with extreme value and worth. It is just difficult to maintain a friendship with someone who sees hatred in their heart and won't let go of that hatred long enough to find the friend they once had. And that's okay because I will still remember someone I met, long ago, and someone who I saw with incredible promise in his life. He still has that promise, to do great things, and I continue to wish him all the best things in life and much success. He continues to wish I would rot in hell, but that's okay.

My mom has been really cool with me this past couple months. I have been in a bit of a rut emotionally over the past couple months, and she has been really supportive and patient with me over it. She knows what all I have been dealing with, and she is just awesome. Who else will bake brownies out of nowhere, and just bring me one in bed whenever she thinks of me? Or who else will bring me a soda, when I am sitting without even being asked? Who would let you sleep during the day and stay up all night instead of getting up to do the whole day thing, and go out to face the day when you would rather curl up into a ball and just say "Fuck the world." My mom would, that's who. And I love her a lot... despite her bitchiness sometimes!

And for now, time to get a job to pay off the amount I have lost in the venture so that I can start to plan for my next attempt at success. I have begun talking to a really cool person from Canada, who is incredibly intelligent, and really fun to talk to. There are moments when I just think he gets me. And I hope he does. But time will tell. And in time, you look for your ideals and you hope that you meet their ideals. And in the process you make a really amazing friend. Or you decide that your life has been somehow made better for knowing them.

Every person in my life... brings me joy. Whether they know it or not. And I think I need to appreciate those who I sometimes take for granted. So, yeah. I suppose I will say adieu and wish you all a FANTASTIC day. I am going for a walk since it is sunny and warm outside right now. I need to bask in this NEW DAY! And see the outlook for the rest of the summer! I need to clear my head for a bit, in the park, looking at the greenery, and just soak up the sun! I haven't seen it for a while.

Talk to you all soon! :-)