THE END OF AN ERA?

In all I do or say, I am completely sincere. I hide nothing of who I am or what I believe, so people can choose to like me or dislike me, but I don't set out to upset the natural flow of anyone's own belief system, or their perceptions.

I debate for my life. I disclose intimate details of my life to describe how I came to conclusions about why I am who I am. And I make absolutely NO APOLOGIES as to who I am! If you don't agree, we can agree to disagree, but I try earnestly to not judge anyone for their beliefs or their way of thinking. I just debate for the sake of sharing my views and in order to either prove or disprove my own core faiths.

I don't have intent on hurting anyone EVER! And people talk about karma coming back on others who have done me wrong, but somewhere, karma got the wrong guy... cos I am constantly being berated by people I give chance after chance to only to be completely FUCKED by them in the end. I had a friend who I trusted, and found him to be untrustworthy. And like I said in my previous blogs, and in tune with how I carry my life out, I extended forgiveness to him, and a hand of reconciliation to him in the hopes of restoring my faith in the "good" potential I saw in him. He told me he was a bad person. But I kept seeing the potential for him to just grow up and be a better person.

Finally, I met someone who was quite extraordinary, and in the process of introducing my new friend to my other friends, he took a liking to one particular friend, the one I had my trust issues with. And I set out from the beginning telling him to be wary of his influence. I informed him of my personal trust issues with this person, but that warning was ignored. Now, I come to find that my "forgiven friend" had been planting seeds of destruction in this new friendship I had made to utterly destroy it. And in the end, some of the characterizations I had made about me were so completely sick and based on the falsehoods of one person to another.

I'm a bit disgusted, but ultimately, believe that in time, the spots or the colors will be revealed and the person this shattered friend became to me, and that he will see the truth of the other's nature. I feel badly how easily my faith in people could be so easily swayed by one incident, but you just don't know how much I tried to trust one person and how easily they plotted to ruin my friendship with the other. It was a truly disturbing event, and I am saddened to hear the characterizations and assassinations made to me by the newer friend, who I held such high esteem for, but in time, these wounds will also pass. I care deeply for those who I know and only my truest friends understand that I was completely clear of wrongdoing in this circumstance, because they have a clear understanding of EVERYTHING which occurred and know how the lies were spread and we all know the motivations of the evil that spread.

James, if you ever do read this someday, it's o.k. to think what you did, or say what you said, it was based on falsehoods you could have seen had you looked at your own heart, rather than listening to someone you knew I didn't trust. I was not looking out for myself by blocking him, I was looking out for you. I don't think you could understand that, but in time, I hope you will. If you ever... care for a friend as much as I did care for you, you will always know, I never blocked you. So you can find my email address, or such, and speak to me someday again. I will ALWAYS be here... praying for a day that you will see the spirit you saw in me from the very first time we spoke, and the very first time we Skyped again...

You were NEVER... a potential "fuck-buddy" in my eyes. And if you think that was all I ever thought of you, you are sorely mistaken. For now, though, live your life to its fullest. I hope for you all the best. And I pray for one reconciliation more than any other I have EVER prayed for in my life.