I GIVE UP

I've tried to believe it was something that I did or said, and maybe it was. But in the end, it doesn't matter at all. Nothing I do or say will ever make what he feels different. If I say anything, he got upset, and hostile. If I didn't say anything, I felt as if I was just giving up on someone I cared about. He has been fucked completely by circumstances in his life. His age, his recent traumatic event at his holiday get away (which I WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR), his just coming to terms with his own identity, with the whole distance thing, with my overly passionate self... it is just sad, that I lost a person I cherished, and valued more than so many who have come into my life before. It matters, but it doesn't.

Someone asked me, "Do I want to get over him? Or do I not want to?" I don't think it matters anymore, because he wants me to.

Today, I feel like, I've failed miserably here. At life, at everything. But I didn't. It just is what it is. Nothing I could do or say will ever change that. But yeah, I will never forget him.