SPECIMEN

What a weird word. Yeah, it is a bit scientific. Its connotative of a sample of something. I was talking to a friend of mine last night, cos when I came back from the campsite I visited with my family, I saw the PERFECT specimen of the male species. He was just completely beautiful. It doesn't really much matter, I'll never see him again. But for a day, I smiled. When I saw him first, I was at the docks, and he was just hanging out and when he saw me, he smiled back and said, "Hi!"

And again, we spoke a bit for like a sentence or two later that night outside the party room. There was a DJ playing and I was dancing, and when I went outside to get some fresh air, he was there again. Again, still, beautiful, and another smile, with a simple, "Hi!" Each and every time we were talking, my brother or my mom just popped up and distracted me. And so I hoped that we could continue to talk to get to know each other better, but it just didn't happen.

I looked around for him later that night, but I didn't see him. I was standing outside of the main office for the site, and me and my brother were talking for a bit, and then out of nowhere, he came out of the bathroom soaking wet after taking a shower. For the last time, I saw the curls from his auburn hair, now dripping, and the shorts he was wearing, clinging to him, there. He saw me, and for the last time, said the same, "hello," before he walked into the dark road to his campsite. The next thing I knew, I was driving home on the highway, picturing him all day long. And I knew it would probably be the last I saw him, ever.

Today, Aiden is in my mind. And it was a nice thing, being able to think about someone for only one day. One day to not have to worry about all the stuff going on in my life. I did a lot of packing today. I emptied out my car of a bunch of stuff, and made room for moving boxes. I went out and got 20 packing boxes and packing tape for some stuff I have left to pack at home. Tomorrow I have sooo much more to do. I'm REALLY nervous. I saw another blogsecret post today, and it saddened me a bit. I need to just stop following blogsecrets. They are either really stupid or really depressing. Or they remind me of someone. And due to the nature of the posts, they are not always good reminders. Mine are, I would think. I do try to do the right thing. I'm not always perfect, but I never stopped caring for anyone.

Like, I don't do ANYTHING to hurt people. Why do people feel like, its okay to hurt me. I care about people. I would lay down my life for someone in a heartbeat. I don't even need to like them, I would still stand up for anyone who was down. But when all I try to do is good, and all my intentions are good, it's like, nobody sees me for the really good and wholesome I am. My heart is so full of just - ache because I care. I think, "there are fully not enough people in the world like me." And that was a quote... from someone who has since told me that he hates me. I never changed.