I guess it's a new day. The end of a chapter in my life. I thought the chapter would have been filled with more highs than lows, but we try to love and in the end, all we can do is walk away with another harsh lesson in love. Sometimes it just doesn't work. Sometimes, it just isn't the right person. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to communicate with someone, they don't want to hear it, and rather just prove how much love can really hurt. Healing from scars that wounds so deep... not based on the time you spent trying to get to know someone, but more on the words that cut you so deep, like a knife. Those wounds are the ones that will show a scar.
I didn't want to blog yesterday because it would have been filled with undue pain. I wanted a day to clear my head and just pray for him, and for me. I still think the tickets are his. I don't know how that will happen. But I will still keep my promise. I never lied, and I never meant to hurt him, despite his cruelty.
Anyways, I figured I would just share something here, that defines real love. If you ever saw the movie with Mandy Moore, A Walk to Remember, you will see Landon reading from a book, the chapter on love. It comes in simple English from the book of I Corinthians, Chapter 13. I hope you like it... and I hope it permeates your whole being. This is what I desire above all else. A love like this.
If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.
Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for evil.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end, understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.
When I was an infant at my mother's breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.
We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us.
But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.
This was from the Message//REMIX version. I think it is a really easy to understand translation with a powerful punch of contemporary insight.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
WHAT AM I THANKFUL FOR?
Wow! How do I begin? Do I just list reasons to be thankful? And who am I thankful to? Like who am I supposed to thank? We have this crazy, silly family tradition, where we sit around the table, all 30 of us or so, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, kids, mom, me, and we pray (thanking God for the bounty). Then we go around the table and say what we are thankful for. Corny? Probably. And everybody wonders when the longwinded one will start (let's not mention names), and when will the last of us say, "I'm thankful that we can finally get to eat!" Many who read this will have some sort of similar tradition in their family. And we just do it like we are telling others what we have. Family, friends, job (it's a tight economy), love, etc. You can list all the possibilities. Each of us should be thankful for some things. But let's stop being so generic. Let's really get to what we need to be thanking for, and who we need to be thanking.
I believe that every good and perfect gift comes from God. So that is always the who. Every blessing in my life is automatically from God. But I am constantly thanking God for those blessings in my life. I recognize that I don't deserve something good, some good thing that I have, or someone who really touches my heart in some way. And I thank God for bringing me those blessings, those things that are undeserved, those wonderful people who are always inspiring me to be a better person, despite myself.
But what about thanking God for all the trials in life. All the times that I needed Him the most. And it seems as if those times are not very thankful times... I don't want to be grateful when I lost someone who meant so much to me, this past year. Because I miss them. I won't be able to break bread with them at the Thanksgiving table anymore. And I won't be able to have the discussions I once had while bicycling or roller blading on the lake front. We won't be able to go to the coffee shop at 1:00 am for a game of cards or backgammon and a cup of Greek coffee. And I won't get to tell them all the things I needed them to know. I won't be able to say I love them, one more time. That's all I need. But those days are not the days I want to be thankful for. Those are the days that I want to be alone. Those are the days that I think of "regrets." I say I don't regret anything in my life. But that's not completely true. Because I do regret not having a better relationship with my father. We just didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things. We had stubborn personalities that always seemed to clash. And at times, we both tried in our own way to meet in the middle, but it never happened. This week, listening to friends who have lost loved ones this past year, made me think back to my dad, and my brother. Who died within one year of each other. And that year I was lost. I was so not sure how to grieve, because nobody had ever died that I was as close to as them. I didn't cry, like some in my family. I did months later. When I went to Greece, and lived where he lived as a child growing up. I recognized the similarities in my father and in me. I cherished those character traits I inherited from him. I am grateful for the heart he gave me. He was always the provider in our family. He married my mom, a woman with 7 kids from a previous marriage, and raised those children as his own, as well as me, their only son. He was a die-hard gambler. He brought me to the race track often as a little kid, to watch as he squandered money on race after race. But he always managed to give what he didn't have to a friend who needed it. He took chances on people that didn't deserve them. He gave until it hurt. He would have the insight to look over a crowd of his "friends" and know which ones were true friends and which ones thought him a fool.
My brother was only 7 years older than me. He died at the age of 35, on his birthday in December. Every year, no matter where I am, I have celebrated his birthday. I would buy a cupcake or something, and a candle, and enjoy celebrating his spirit which lives today in all of us. He was the laughter in our family. He was the class clown growing up, and he never outgrew his childlike demeanor. He was warm-hearted. He was fun-loving. He was always doing some outrageous thing, and he was so genuinely happy to make everyone around him happy. He loved much. He was strikingly handsome. He was always looking for ways to leave a mark wherever he went. He often included me in his group of friends when we were growing up, not out of obligation, but out of a sincere desire to accept me as his only little brother.
Without these people in our lives, those who were so close to us; those who impacted our lives so very much, we couldn't know how to love. We attempt to bring a part of those who we have grown to love with us throughout life. We take bits and pieces of those who share a commonality. We learn from our life lessons. We come and go by the company we keep. We grow with each person who infiltrates our lives. We are not exclusively unique. Everything I have learned in life has come from my interactions with other people. Those people have left a mark on my life. I am not in contact with a lot of those people who have come and gone from my life. But they are always here. They are always with me. I see myself say or do something, and I recognize, I am more cognizant of where I learned that from. Some of the people I want so desperately to keep learning from have moved on. And I desperately miss them. Our time in life is a fleeting moment. So I try to take all the good I can from them, and leave as much good as I have to give with them.
There are friends and family members who I will lose in my lifetime which will strike me hard. But I need to recognize that I am thankful for every moment, and for every ounce of them in me. Those indelible marks they have left on my personality and in my heart. Those will never be erased. They will come to be a part of who I am. And I thank God for all of them. Past, present, and future. I thank God for the gift of time I was able to take something from them, and for those parts of them that I may pass on to others. We are all a woven fabric of humanity. I pray that the good that I have from those people who have meant so much to me in my life, I can pass to others, and they can take what they want and pass those to others, and so on, and so on.
I am thankful for the moments that I have difficulties in dealing well with situations. For in those moments, I learn how to trust in God's hand to direct my path. I am thankful for the moments that I am so weak, that it feels like there is nothing I can do to solve a given situation. It is then that I realize that there is nothing I can do to solve a given situation. But I give those moments to God. And I walk away, knowing that He is more powerful than any situation I face. He shows me what to be thankful for... each and every blessing I count each day!
All of our intimacies will ultimately be with God, in heaven. So I am thankful that I am learning to love unconditionally. Preparing me for my moment with the God of blessings. And my chance to thank Him unceasingly.
I believe that every good and perfect gift comes from God. So that is always the who. Every blessing in my life is automatically from God. But I am constantly thanking God for those blessings in my life. I recognize that I don't deserve something good, some good thing that I have, or someone who really touches my heart in some way. And I thank God for bringing me those blessings, those things that are undeserved, those wonderful people who are always inspiring me to be a better person, despite myself.
But what about thanking God for all the trials in life. All the times that I needed Him the most. And it seems as if those times are not very thankful times... I don't want to be grateful when I lost someone who meant so much to me, this past year. Because I miss them. I won't be able to break bread with them at the Thanksgiving table anymore. And I won't be able to have the discussions I once had while bicycling or roller blading on the lake front. We won't be able to go to the coffee shop at 1:00 am for a game of cards or backgammon and a cup of Greek coffee. And I won't get to tell them all the things I needed them to know. I won't be able to say I love them, one more time. That's all I need. But those days are not the days I want to be thankful for. Those are the days that I want to be alone. Those are the days that I think of "regrets." I say I don't regret anything in my life. But that's not completely true. Because I do regret not having a better relationship with my father. We just didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things. We had stubborn personalities that always seemed to clash. And at times, we both tried in our own way to meet in the middle, but it never happened. This week, listening to friends who have lost loved ones this past year, made me think back to my dad, and my brother. Who died within one year of each other. And that year I was lost. I was so not sure how to grieve, because nobody had ever died that I was as close to as them. I didn't cry, like some in my family. I did months later. When I went to Greece, and lived where he lived as a child growing up. I recognized the similarities in my father and in me. I cherished those character traits I inherited from him. I am grateful for the heart he gave me. He was always the provider in our family. He married my mom, a woman with 7 kids from a previous marriage, and raised those children as his own, as well as me, their only son. He was a die-hard gambler. He brought me to the race track often as a little kid, to watch as he squandered money on race after race. But he always managed to give what he didn't have to a friend who needed it. He took chances on people that didn't deserve them. He gave until it hurt. He would have the insight to look over a crowd of his "friends" and know which ones were true friends and which ones thought him a fool.
My brother was only 7 years older than me. He died at the age of 35, on his birthday in December. Every year, no matter where I am, I have celebrated his birthday. I would buy a cupcake or something, and a candle, and enjoy celebrating his spirit which lives today in all of us. He was the laughter in our family. He was the class clown growing up, and he never outgrew his childlike demeanor. He was warm-hearted. He was fun-loving. He was always doing some outrageous thing, and he was so genuinely happy to make everyone around him happy. He loved much. He was strikingly handsome. He was always looking for ways to leave a mark wherever he went. He often included me in his group of friends when we were growing up, not out of obligation, but out of a sincere desire to accept me as his only little brother.
Without these people in our lives, those who were so close to us; those who impacted our lives so very much, we couldn't know how to love. We attempt to bring a part of those who we have grown to love with us throughout life. We take bits and pieces of those who share a commonality. We learn from our life lessons. We come and go by the company we keep. We grow with each person who infiltrates our lives. We are not exclusively unique. Everything I have learned in life has come from my interactions with other people. Those people have left a mark on my life. I am not in contact with a lot of those people who have come and gone from my life. But they are always here. They are always with me. I see myself say or do something, and I recognize, I am more cognizant of where I learned that from. Some of the people I want so desperately to keep learning from have moved on. And I desperately miss them. Our time in life is a fleeting moment. So I try to take all the good I can from them, and leave as much good as I have to give with them.
There are friends and family members who I will lose in my lifetime which will strike me hard. But I need to recognize that I am thankful for every moment, and for every ounce of them in me. Those indelible marks they have left on my personality and in my heart. Those will never be erased. They will come to be a part of who I am. And I thank God for all of them. Past, present, and future. I thank God for the gift of time I was able to take something from them, and for those parts of them that I may pass on to others. We are all a woven fabric of humanity. I pray that the good that I have from those people who have meant so much to me in my life, I can pass to others, and they can take what they want and pass those to others, and so on, and so on.
I am thankful for the moments that I have difficulties in dealing well with situations. For in those moments, I learn how to trust in God's hand to direct my path. I am thankful for the moments that I am so weak, that it feels like there is nothing I can do to solve a given situation. It is then that I realize that there is nothing I can do to solve a given situation. But I give those moments to God. And I walk away, knowing that He is more powerful than any situation I face. He shows me what to be thankful for... each and every blessing I count each day!
All of our intimacies will ultimately be with God, in heaven. So I am thankful that I am learning to love unconditionally. Preparing me for my moment with the God of blessings. And my chance to thank Him unceasingly.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
IT'S ONLY A SONG
Truly passionate people come along very seldom. I know, because I think I was cursed with raw passion. I say cursed, because to the unfeeling eye, that line of passion can easily cross over to the "creepy" or "freaky" in an instant. More to do with what other people say about you means so much when it makes all your feelings seem to be a lot of insane thinking. Call me insane. With that passion, does come a lot of really emotional responses or to others they may be seen as immature "reactions." As some of you read in my last blogs, there are times that in your eyes, there is just nothing else you can say but what you feel about something, or someone. And they can react to that in one of two ways: 1) take what you are saying as just a part of you, and your passion, lovable as always because of how you make the other person feel good about themselves, or 2) take what you are saying as a really weird thing to say, because "normal" people don't say those things, or act that way. It's all about the way I express myself. It isn't "normal." I don't see how I look at people on every level as "normal." I don't think my insights are insights that "normal" people have. And I am glad that I am who I am!
I was talking to a friend the other night about music. I mentioned that sometimes music is so powerful to people because it is real! When you listen to a song, the lyrics and the music are so emotionally at where we are, but we won't ever admit to it. I think it has to do with the sensory stimulation of the melody as well as the lyrics. Like, if I were to say something in a letter or in person to someone, or on the phone even, it would come across as "scary" because the amount of time I have known them isn't enough to know them well. But yet one of the number one songs Savage Garden wrote, was so popular and became the song that people often got sick of hearing on the radio, because it was one of their two "hit songs" they ever had. So I give Savage Garden credit for saying something that I couldn't say, because if I did, someone would think I was crazy.
You don't need to know everything about someone to give them a part of you. Obviously, when you give someone some trust, and they break that trust, then you don't give as much, because they can't be trusted with what you gave them. But you have to give of yourself in order to understand what it means to give and to receive. When you see something, don't be afraid of saying, "I really do care about you." Don't be afraid of saying "I love you!" Obviously, there are things about that person you do indeed love. And it shows in how they make you feel. And you want to pursue more, and you want to feel like it is mutual. But from someone who doesn't quite see it the way you do, they may think that you have only known them for a little bit, and it is impossible for you to feel that way. It can be creepy. But why? Why is expressing something so wrong? Why are you afraid of letting someone say what they feel about you? If someone made a song, and you both heard it at a magical moment when you met, you would say... "That can be our song."
Often times, when someone gives of themselves, and finds that the person they cared about screwed them over, they bring that to other relationships. They become JADED! And they can't look past the trust issues from their last relationships. They can only enter into something with a "guarded" perspective. And after a while, after losing trust in more than one person, they don't have the capability to trust anyone unless it is earned. Often, that leads to someone who has no trust for anyone.
BREAK THE CYCLE OF NOT TRUSTING BY TRUSTING MORE! In your next relationship, may I make a suggestion? Give of yourself, as if you just met that person and you want to know them. Give of yourself, as if it didn't cost you a thing. Give of yourself, as if you wanted to have them give of themselves to you. And when you see someone who captures your heart at first sight... or at the moment you see what it is you were always looking for, say it. And pray that they get it.
This is an excerpt of a post a friend of mine had a couple days ago, and my response:
Date: Nov 24, 2008 2:18 AM
Subject: is it possible to be in love with someone you shouldn't be in love with?
Body:
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! although, often, circumstances and others will try their hardest to make that as difficult as humanly possible. Then you go on faith.
Unrequited love is a love that you have for someone who doesn't share the same love for you. It is very possible. And sad. But it happens often. And you shouldn't let ANYONE or anything tell you that what you feel or who you care about is worth any less than your heart! Because it is YOUR HEART we are talking about, right?
Or was it mine?
:-)
This song, by Savage Garden, I dedicate to the passionate people I have met most recently, and in the past; those I have given a part of my heart to. And I hope you will take the time to listen to it on a music player while reading its lyrics:
"I Knew I Loved You"
Maybe it's intuition
but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
(To Fade)
I was talking to a friend the other night about music. I mentioned that sometimes music is so powerful to people because it is real! When you listen to a song, the lyrics and the music are so emotionally at where we are, but we won't ever admit to it. I think it has to do with the sensory stimulation of the melody as well as the lyrics. Like, if I were to say something in a letter or in person to someone, or on the phone even, it would come across as "scary" because the amount of time I have known them isn't enough to know them well. But yet one of the number one songs Savage Garden wrote, was so popular and became the song that people often got sick of hearing on the radio, because it was one of their two "hit songs" they ever had. So I give Savage Garden credit for saying something that I couldn't say, because if I did, someone would think I was crazy.
You don't need to know everything about someone to give them a part of you. Obviously, when you give someone some trust, and they break that trust, then you don't give as much, because they can't be trusted with what you gave them. But you have to give of yourself in order to understand what it means to give and to receive. When you see something, don't be afraid of saying, "I really do care about you." Don't be afraid of saying "I love you!" Obviously, there are things about that person you do indeed love. And it shows in how they make you feel. And you want to pursue more, and you want to feel like it is mutual. But from someone who doesn't quite see it the way you do, they may think that you have only known them for a little bit, and it is impossible for you to feel that way. It can be creepy. But why? Why is expressing something so wrong? Why are you afraid of letting someone say what they feel about you? If someone made a song, and you both heard it at a magical moment when you met, you would say... "That can be our song."
Often times, when someone gives of themselves, and finds that the person they cared about screwed them over, they bring that to other relationships. They become JADED! And they can't look past the trust issues from their last relationships. They can only enter into something with a "guarded" perspective. And after a while, after losing trust in more than one person, they don't have the capability to trust anyone unless it is earned. Often, that leads to someone who has no trust for anyone.
BREAK THE CYCLE OF NOT TRUSTING BY TRUSTING MORE! In your next relationship, may I make a suggestion? Give of yourself, as if you just met that person and you want to know them. Give of yourself, as if it didn't cost you a thing. Give of yourself, as if you wanted to have them give of themselves to you. And when you see someone who captures your heart at first sight... or at the moment you see what it is you were always looking for, say it. And pray that they get it.
This is an excerpt of a post a friend of mine had a couple days ago, and my response:
Date: Nov 24, 2008 2:18 AM
Subject: is it possible to be in love with someone you shouldn't be in love with?
Body:
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! although, often, circumstances and others will try their hardest to make that as difficult as humanly possible. Then you go on faith.
Unrequited love is a love that you have for someone who doesn't share the same love for you. It is very possible. And sad. But it happens often. And you shouldn't let ANYONE or anything tell you that what you feel or who you care about is worth any less than your heart! Because it is YOUR HEART we are talking about, right?
Or was it mine?
:-)
This song, by Savage Garden, I dedicate to the passionate people I have met most recently, and in the past; those I have given a part of my heart to. And I hope you will take the time to listen to it on a music player while reading its lyrics:
"I Knew I Loved You"
Maybe it's intuition
but some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes,
I think I found my best friend
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only the sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see
the missing pieces I'm searching for
I think I've found my way home
I know that it might sound
more than a little crazy
but I believe...
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
(To Fade)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
"VIRTUAL FRIENDS"
Social networks are not my favorite past time. Instant messaging, Myspace, Facebook, they are all ways to display all you can about you, to complete strangers and friends, and then become vulnerable when these "virtual relationships" don't end up being the best thing you had hoped for. I guess nothing is a substitute for people who are real friends, people who care about you for who you are rather than a default picture, people who will tell you the truth when it's the last thing you want to hear and the first thing you need to hear.
I kept believing that you could create something that was just what it was all along. You loose faith in people when you can't communicate. You loose faith when promises you make to try to fix things are broken almost as soon as they are made. You feel embarrassed, and foolish. You wish people didn't react the way they do, but what else can they do. They are only looking at words on a screen, or comments forwarded to their cell phone. They aren't looking at your facial expressions to see the way you really feel. And they aren't hearing the inflections in your voice to hear the melodic cues you are giving in your speech. So why would someone care?
You also wish that you didn't react the way you did, but what else could you have done, when you are so disappointed and frustrated, that you want to tell someone what you are thinking, but you can't type fast enough to get every thought across before they begin typing something to take you off track of your thoughts, and then you get even more frustrated, and need to explain what you are thinking or feeling, again with no emotional idea of facial cues to give or receive, no inflections in voice to give an idea to the listener how your mood is elevated, or diminished, no way to see through the looking glass as to what the person on the other end of the conversation is really reading into what you are typing, or reading something you don't really mean... contextually, they are looking at one thing that they are focusing on, and you are trying to get across a point with the lack of all these sensory cues. It is impossible to find peace in all this two dimensional words on a screen instead of face to face communication.
Yeah, people argue in person. People argue on the phone, and on the internet. People argue while driving, while working, while making dinner, while doing anything. People have interpersonal turmoil. That is not a problem. You can walk away, or hang up the phone, or quit your job, or throw the food across the room, or anything while arguing. But people making up is rarely possible when you are blocked from being seen by the person on the other end of the internet connection, or deleted from their buddy list. You can totally throw away anything at whim. Or in this case, anyone.
Do you get attached too easily? Yeah, when I put energy into any kind of relationship with someone, giving of myself, interpersonal moments you share, or a part of you that you don't share with others, you feel so much more comfortable sharing with your new "friend" only to find that this all meant so much less to them than to you. To find that you meant so much less to them than they mean to you. Virtual Friends are not a substitution for actual interpersonal relationships. But on the other hand, people need to be aware that there is an actual person on the other side of the connection, with real feelings, with real emotions, who cares about you as much or more than you can care about them. And if you are at all caring, you will think about that before you tread all over their heart. The expenditure of energy into developing a relationship of any kind is quite expensive. Especially when that energy is tossed aside or deleted or lost in cyberspace.
I kept believing that you could create something that was just what it was all along. You loose faith in people when you can't communicate. You loose faith when promises you make to try to fix things are broken almost as soon as they are made. You feel embarrassed, and foolish. You wish people didn't react the way they do, but what else can they do. They are only looking at words on a screen, or comments forwarded to their cell phone. They aren't looking at your facial expressions to see the way you really feel. And they aren't hearing the inflections in your voice to hear the melodic cues you are giving in your speech. So why would someone care?
You also wish that you didn't react the way you did, but what else could you have done, when you are so disappointed and frustrated, that you want to tell someone what you are thinking, but you can't type fast enough to get every thought across before they begin typing something to take you off track of your thoughts, and then you get even more frustrated, and need to explain what you are thinking or feeling, again with no emotional idea of facial cues to give or receive, no inflections in voice to give an idea to the listener how your mood is elevated, or diminished, no way to see through the looking glass as to what the person on the other end of the conversation is really reading into what you are typing, or reading something you don't really mean... contextually, they are looking at one thing that they are focusing on, and you are trying to get across a point with the lack of all these sensory cues. It is impossible to find peace in all this two dimensional words on a screen instead of face to face communication.
Yeah, people argue in person. People argue on the phone, and on the internet. People argue while driving, while working, while making dinner, while doing anything. People have interpersonal turmoil. That is not a problem. You can walk away, or hang up the phone, or quit your job, or throw the food across the room, or anything while arguing. But people making up is rarely possible when you are blocked from being seen by the person on the other end of the internet connection, or deleted from their buddy list. You can totally throw away anything at whim. Or in this case, anyone.
Do you get attached too easily? Yeah, when I put energy into any kind of relationship with someone, giving of myself, interpersonal moments you share, or a part of you that you don't share with others, you feel so much more comfortable sharing with your new "friend" only to find that this all meant so much less to them than to you. To find that you meant so much less to them than they mean to you. Virtual Friends are not a substitution for actual interpersonal relationships. But on the other hand, people need to be aware that there is an actual person on the other side of the connection, with real feelings, with real emotions, who cares about you as much or more than you can care about them. And if you are at all caring, you will think about that before you tread all over their heart. The expenditure of energy into developing a relationship of any kind is quite expensive. Especially when that energy is tossed aside or deleted or lost in cyberspace.
Monday, November 24, 2008
LIFE 101
Thought I would blog today about something more light than I usually write about. I want to tell you what I think everyone should take in college within the first two years of being enrolled. Now, granted, everyone will have different professors, or different roles within their respective classes. And some professors will not know what the hell they are talking about. So I will even tell you how to find the right professor.
I need to preface this blog with the fact that I totally sucked in High School! I was really intelligent, and insightful, and found high school lacking for my capabilities. Not to mention that my high school was not the most conducive place to find a good education. I took what I could get from it. But in the end, I graduated with a D average and a 23 on my ACT. Not a very impressive feat. But on my first attempt at college, I hated it! It was just not the right time for me to focus like I could. I didn't really get as much as I did this second time around.
When I went to college after time away from it all, I totally thrived! I made the Dean's List of Academic Achievement! I had A's where I used to get D's and F's because I was really there to learn! It was amazing when I got A's on papers that I worked so hard on. And one of them was the highest grade in a class with a really difficult instructor who didn't like me much prior to turning in that paper. She really saw more to me after that paper. And I cherish her today! It was such an accomplishment! And I took a lot of pride in my work. Do it in your time. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't break boundaries in class or status. Because with a good education, you can surpass the boundaries anyone has ever put on you.
1) English Composition - You have to be able to write well in order to get ANY type of degree. And this one class, along with the 12 years you have supposedly been taking English in elementary and high school, should prepare you to properly express yourself in concise and readable form. It is essential that people know how to express themselves in written form. And the sooner the better! This is an elementary class in college, but of such importance that you need to take it in your first semester! I would suggest asking students who have taken this course, which professors allow for freedom in writing projects, as each person has their own experiences to bring to the table which interest them.
2) Oral Communication - This is really a great class for opening up to complete strangers in class with dialogue that is personal, in a way to express yourself in public! It is great for both the shy type personality, and the outgoing personality. I was really quite informed on this subject with a Professor who gave me an open mic to express my views on a broad range of subjects. I preferred to speak on topics that interested me. From my coming out story, to age of consent laws, to homophobia in our society. It was a fun way of getting to know myself, and sharing that with others.
3) General Psychology - This class has a slightly different set of rules for paper writing. It is a little complex as far as citing all your references for research. But in this class, you really get to understand personality, behaviors, disorders, and it is all stuff you can actually use to understand others and yourself better! It broadens your horizon, to start looking at people in a more global sense. You can see how Psychology has evolved in thinking and perspectives from behaviorists, and those who believe in cognitive approaches, to now new research methods dealing with brain functions and neurological sciences. It is amazing how much stuff is available for us to just understand other people. And they cram a brief overview into a very short semester. But if this stuff interests you like it did me, you will be taking a lot more psychology courses in the years to come (as did I), including Abnormal Psychology, Psychology of Sexuality, Child Psychology, Adolescent Psychology, Crisis Management and Intervention, and a host of others. What an amazing field of study!
4) Theater - Rehearsal and Performance. If you are lucky enough to be cast in a play in college, you will really have fun learning all kinds of methods of acting preparation. You will get into the local theater scene, and attend performances with a new perspective. You will really enjoy working together with all the players, with parties, preparation, performance, and wrap and post-mortem. And in it all, you will really become more like a family than anything else! Great times. Great people. Great experience. HARD WORK! Don't think you can coast by in this class. It takes a LOT of effort from so many people to put a production together that is really good! And once it is over, you will know the rewards, of finishing that long project with others and celebrating together after each performance. You may even turn into a master thespian! And you may look forward to more casting calls once you finish! Even if you don't get cast in a performance role, there are so many production positions which are so crucial to the great performance! From set design, to sound and lights, to back stage props, to stage manager, to advertising manager and house manager! There are no small parts! And EVERYONE shares the success of the show! Break a LEG!!!
5) Along with the theater, there are other creative outlets. I happened to choose RADIO BROADCASTING! Some colleges didn't offer this. But I thoroughly enjoyed preparing for a 2 hour long weekly call-in talk show about love, romance, dating, relationships, and sex! I brought in friends to be my co-hosts each week, and we were able to pre-record a lot of the segments. We played my music list. We touched on topics that were geared to a younger audience, including teen mag gossip. And we played a little candy pop music. It was an intense RADIO HIGH! Each and every night we were on, it was like we had a successful show!
6) Stress Management for Optimal Health - offered in some nursing programs, or medical fields programs. You should really find this course. The Professor I had was not really that amazing, as far as professors, she didn't stand out in my mind as charismatic or enlightening. But it was nice understanding the stress response mechanisms we have. It is nice being able to find things to focus on when I have no control over what is going on around me. Dealing with stress is one of the most influential aspects on our health. Some physicians report that over 75% of all illnesses that are treated today are caused by the underlying stress we go through each day. Although this class is at times a little "New Age," we can all find ways of transposing mindful meditation and the techniques in this course to our own belief system. Pray, read, take time to unwind. We are all so driven. And we put our bodies through so much. No wonder we are filling nursing homes with elderly. This is a take what you can course. Like I said, there are some things that are redundant with General Psychology, as far as dealing with the neurological aspects of stress. But there are lots more interesting ways of dealing with stress in this class. It is a good thing to understand!
I wouldn't suggest taking a psych course when you take a science course. Keep your loads light when taking these courses as they require a lot of time and energy in producing quality papers and learning complex formulas.
Aside from those classes, I really hope you realize that college is supposed to be fun! It can not be so fun that you ignore the real purpose of being there. You need to focus on deadlines and dates. Because falling behind in a course, missing a single lecture in some courses could mean the difference between a solid grade letter and a lot of useful information. Be committed to what you are doing there. Yeah, have fun! But keep your mantra, work hard, play hard. And college will become as fulfilling as any time in your life! You will meet people who will be there for you in your future, unlike some who loose friends from elementary and high schools. And you will cherish learning like no other time in your life. I have found that being away from school for summer breaks and holidays, and even now, having not attended in a while, I miss it.
As time goes by, I will add to this list. I just wanted to pop something in here for you all to find a little lighter since the last week or so has been a bit dark for me. I am sure all of that other stuff I have been experiencing will pass and things will be fine again. But for now, this is all I have the energy to write about. I will bring you more on another day!
Thank you to Dr. Frances-Dee Berlin, PhD Psych, and all the Psych Prof's at CCCC, Prof. David Still, Prof. Lisa Zinsius, Prof. Michael Tritto, and a special thank you to Nick StJohn, who passed away just a year after I left CCCC. You were truly a friend and mentor to me. Thank you for encouraging me in all my endeavors! You will remain in my heart always.
I need to preface this blog with the fact that I totally sucked in High School! I was really intelligent, and insightful, and found high school lacking for my capabilities. Not to mention that my high school was not the most conducive place to find a good education. I took what I could get from it. But in the end, I graduated with a D average and a 23 on my ACT. Not a very impressive feat. But on my first attempt at college, I hated it! It was just not the right time for me to focus like I could. I didn't really get as much as I did this second time around.
When I went to college after time away from it all, I totally thrived! I made the Dean's List of Academic Achievement! I had A's where I used to get D's and F's because I was really there to learn! It was amazing when I got A's on papers that I worked so hard on. And one of them was the highest grade in a class with a really difficult instructor who didn't like me much prior to turning in that paper. She really saw more to me after that paper. And I cherish her today! It was such an accomplishment! And I took a lot of pride in my work. Do it in your time. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't break boundaries in class or status. Because with a good education, you can surpass the boundaries anyone has ever put on you.
1) English Composition - You have to be able to write well in order to get ANY type of degree. And this one class, along with the 12 years you have supposedly been taking English in elementary and high school, should prepare you to properly express yourself in concise and readable form. It is essential that people know how to express themselves in written form. And the sooner the better! This is an elementary class in college, but of such importance that you need to take it in your first semester! I would suggest asking students who have taken this course, which professors allow for freedom in writing projects, as each person has their own experiences to bring to the table which interest them.
2) Oral Communication - This is really a great class for opening up to complete strangers in class with dialogue that is personal, in a way to express yourself in public! It is great for both the shy type personality, and the outgoing personality. I was really quite informed on this subject with a Professor who gave me an open mic to express my views on a broad range of subjects. I preferred to speak on topics that interested me. From my coming out story, to age of consent laws, to homophobia in our society. It was a fun way of getting to know myself, and sharing that with others.
3) General Psychology - This class has a slightly different set of rules for paper writing. It is a little complex as far as citing all your references for research. But in this class, you really get to understand personality, behaviors, disorders, and it is all stuff you can actually use to understand others and yourself better! It broadens your horizon, to start looking at people in a more global sense. You can see how Psychology has evolved in thinking and perspectives from behaviorists, and those who believe in cognitive approaches, to now new research methods dealing with brain functions and neurological sciences. It is amazing how much stuff is available for us to just understand other people. And they cram a brief overview into a very short semester. But if this stuff interests you like it did me, you will be taking a lot more psychology courses in the years to come (as did I), including Abnormal Psychology, Psychology of Sexuality, Child Psychology, Adolescent Psychology, Crisis Management and Intervention, and a host of others. What an amazing field of study!
4) Theater - Rehearsal and Performance. If you are lucky enough to be cast in a play in college, you will really have fun learning all kinds of methods of acting preparation. You will get into the local theater scene, and attend performances with a new perspective. You will really enjoy working together with all the players, with parties, preparation, performance, and wrap and post-mortem. And in it all, you will really become more like a family than anything else! Great times. Great people. Great experience. HARD WORK! Don't think you can coast by in this class. It takes a LOT of effort from so many people to put a production together that is really good! And once it is over, you will know the rewards, of finishing that long project with others and celebrating together after each performance. You may even turn into a master thespian! And you may look forward to more casting calls once you finish! Even if you don't get cast in a performance role, there are so many production positions which are so crucial to the great performance! From set design, to sound and lights, to back stage props, to stage manager, to advertising manager and house manager! There are no small parts! And EVERYONE shares the success of the show! Break a LEG!!!
5) Along with the theater, there are other creative outlets. I happened to choose RADIO BROADCASTING! Some colleges didn't offer this. But I thoroughly enjoyed preparing for a 2 hour long weekly call-in talk show about love, romance, dating, relationships, and sex! I brought in friends to be my co-hosts each week, and we were able to pre-record a lot of the segments. We played my music list. We touched on topics that were geared to a younger audience, including teen mag gossip. And we played a little candy pop music. It was an intense RADIO HIGH! Each and every night we were on, it was like we had a successful show!
6) Stress Management for Optimal Health - offered in some nursing programs, or medical fields programs. You should really find this course. The Professor I had was not really that amazing, as far as professors, she didn't stand out in my mind as charismatic or enlightening. But it was nice understanding the stress response mechanisms we have. It is nice being able to find things to focus on when I have no control over what is going on around me. Dealing with stress is one of the most influential aspects on our health. Some physicians report that over 75% of all illnesses that are treated today are caused by the underlying stress we go through each day. Although this class is at times a little "New Age," we can all find ways of transposing mindful meditation and the techniques in this course to our own belief system. Pray, read, take time to unwind. We are all so driven. And we put our bodies through so much. No wonder we are filling nursing homes with elderly. This is a take what you can course. Like I said, there are some things that are redundant with General Psychology, as far as dealing with the neurological aspects of stress. But there are lots more interesting ways of dealing with stress in this class. It is a good thing to understand!
I wouldn't suggest taking a psych course when you take a science course. Keep your loads light when taking these courses as they require a lot of time and energy in producing quality papers and learning complex formulas.
Aside from those classes, I really hope you realize that college is supposed to be fun! It can not be so fun that you ignore the real purpose of being there. You need to focus on deadlines and dates. Because falling behind in a course, missing a single lecture in some courses could mean the difference between a solid grade letter and a lot of useful information. Be committed to what you are doing there. Yeah, have fun! But keep your mantra, work hard, play hard. And college will become as fulfilling as any time in your life! You will meet people who will be there for you in your future, unlike some who loose friends from elementary and high schools. And you will cherish learning like no other time in your life. I have found that being away from school for summer breaks and holidays, and even now, having not attended in a while, I miss it.
As time goes by, I will add to this list. I just wanted to pop something in here for you all to find a little lighter since the last week or so has been a bit dark for me. I am sure all of that other stuff I have been experiencing will pass and things will be fine again. But for now, this is all I have the energy to write about. I will bring you more on another day!
Thank you to Dr. Frances-Dee Berlin, PhD Psych, and all the Psych Prof's at CCCC, Prof. David Still, Prof. Lisa Zinsius, Prof. Michael Tritto, and a special thank you to Nick StJohn, who passed away just a year after I left CCCC. You were truly a friend and mentor to me. Thank you for encouraging me in all my endeavors! You will remain in my heart always.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I APPOLOGIZE
IN ADVANCE OF THE NEXT CHAPTER IN MY LIFE... MY WRITING MAY TAKE A DARK TURN... ONLY DUE TO UNFORESEEN CIRCUMSTANCES. PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS... BUT I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE OF THE NEXT FEW BLOGS. PLEASE REMEMBER THE PAIN I HAVE BEFORE YOU READ AND THINK THEY ARE REPRESENTATIVE OF MY HEART. RIGHT NOW THAT HEART IS STONE COLD.
JADED!
I always had hope... that somewhere there were people in the world who cared about others more than they cared about themselves. I had been screwed over so many times in my life... too many to count. But I kept a proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, thinking that there was someone out there who still believed it mattered that you just don't hurt people. I always hoped that somewhere in this world... there was someone who wasn't JADED. And that despite what they go through in this world, they wouldn't do what I had seen time and time again from people. But it happened. The most amazing person I had found in my life in such a long time. And he ended our friendship in the most uncaring way. He brought me to sobbing tears. His words cut me deeper than any knife... I didn't deserve it. I am JADED.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
IT DOES SUCK
It's funny when people joke with you... Especially when you are trying to act all serious. It is nice when you can laugh about it. It does suck, however, when they gnaw at you about something they know upsets you. It does suck, however, when they are friends with you one day, and then think about something and then blow it off with no explanation. It does suck, however, when you care about your friends, and then watch as one of them looses her friend in front of your eyes. It does suck, however, when you loose one of your friends in front of your own eyes. It does suck, however, when all you can do is let them go... and pray they really care enough to come back someday. It does suck, however, that now you have those memories that are just memories. It does suck, however, when you wonder if there will ever be more memories. It does suck, however, when you smile, and you know it is just a fake smile. It does suck, however, when you used to smile, and meant it. It does suck, however, that you have no control over what people choose to believe about you. It really sucks when you want to just sleep, but you are so restless... because you care.
I could deal with all the limitations that there are, but it does suck that friends put limits on friendship.
I could deal with all the limitations that there are, but it does suck that friends put limits on friendship.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I WANTED TO BLOG TODAY...
But I didn't know how to say... ANYTHING right! I keep messing up I guess. I don't know how... to think about anything... I have to work tomorrow, which is nice... It gives me a chance to get out of the house. I hope it snows again tomorrow... I like catching snowflakes on my face. I, like my friend, don't like the cold, but the snow is really pretty!
Hopefully, when the winter is over, so will this feeling be.
I will try to blog later this week... when I am feeling better... Thanks for reading it anyways.
Hopefully, when the winter is over, so will this feeling be.
I will try to blog later this week... when I am feeling better... Thanks for reading it anyways.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
THE BOOK OF PSALMS
It is a HUGE book in the Bible. It has both praise, and prayer. It shows the loss and the gain. It shows the trials and the blessings. It asks for and gives thanks. It remains one of the most powerful, comforting books of the Bible. It is a refuge for me when I am under attack, or filled with sorrow. It is my lifeline when circumstances are beyond my grasp. I can be drowning, and it will be there to grab hold of my hand and lift me out of the deep end. I can be in a battle for truth, and it will be my strength. There is no strength in me. I am weak. I put myself out there, because I yearn to trust. I yearn to find one to trust. I give, and get my hopes up because I know I have seen things that WERE there. And my beliefs and dreams get shattered like a delicate thin glass figurine. So I go to the Psalms, and I read about 10 or 20 short chapters. Life's mysteries begin to unfold before my eyes.
And I don't need a thing. I am placed in a vast green pasture. When I am thirsty, I find something to drink. I catch my breath and am led in the right direction. Even when the path leads to Death Valley, I'm not afraid because GOD is by my side. He makes me feel secure there. He offers me up a huge plate of food in front of my enemies. He lifts me up. He fills my cup with EVERY blessing. His beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. In the Psalms, I find myself at home, with GOD.
(portions excerpted with my own translation from Psalms 23.)
And I don't need a thing. I am placed in a vast green pasture. When I am thirsty, I find something to drink. I catch my breath and am led in the right direction. Even when the path leads to Death Valley, I'm not afraid because GOD is by my side. He makes me feel secure there. He offers me up a huge plate of food in front of my enemies. He lifts me up. He fills my cup with EVERY blessing. His beauty and love chase after me every day of my life. In the Psalms, I find myself at home, with GOD.
(portions excerpted with my own translation from Psalms 23.)
Friday, November 14, 2008
PICKING UP THE PIECES
I fell. I got back up. I fell again. I got back up. I fell a lot. But I've always gotten back up. It's the way it is with matters of the heart.
I don't know what the hell to say... do... think... Everything I say now is just making things worse for everyone involved (although that is only 2 people). When I say something though, I can get my feelings across... But that is what destroyed it in the first place. I don't know if it's my fault... or just the timing and circumstances. I guess I'll never know. I am so lost. My heart aches... And there is nothing to do to fix that. Time... Space... Someone needs space... from me... that's a good thing... for both of us... I need the space too... But I still want that friendship... because I still believe in the future. I pray that someone will miss me as well, in the space. Remember me... Think of the heartfelt short time we had... The smiles on both of our faces when we shared our feelings... thoughts... good times... Not enough... hopes for more... good times... long talks... walks in the rain... heartwarming moments.
I still see the possibility someday. Is that a bad thing? I will move on in time... But today just sucks! I have very many bits and pieces of a broken heart... and each time... it heals. But with all the bits and pieces... I still love... all those I've fallen for.
Waiting for the time... to see what's going to happen... with one who holds the pieces of my heart... in their hands. I like believing in happily ever afters.
I don't know what the hell to say... do... think... Everything I say now is just making things worse for everyone involved (although that is only 2 people). When I say something though, I can get my feelings across... But that is what destroyed it in the first place. I don't know if it's my fault... or just the timing and circumstances. I guess I'll never know. I am so lost. My heart aches... And there is nothing to do to fix that. Time... Space... Someone needs space... from me... that's a good thing... for both of us... I need the space too... But I still want that friendship... because I still believe in the future. I pray that someone will miss me as well, in the space. Remember me... Think of the heartfelt short time we had... The smiles on both of our faces when we shared our feelings... thoughts... good times... Not enough... hopes for more... good times... long talks... walks in the rain... heartwarming moments.
I still see the possibility someday. Is that a bad thing? I will move on in time... But today just sucks! I have very many bits and pieces of a broken heart... and each time... it heals. But with all the bits and pieces... I still love... all those I've fallen for.
Waiting for the time... to see what's going to happen... with one who holds the pieces of my heart... in their hands. I like believing in happily ever afters.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
HONESTLY!
I feel like there is always something that we can do that will cause someone pain. I hate being the cause of someone's pain. They deserve more than that. I feel guilty. I feel like a jerk for doing something that I could have had the sense to prevent.
I was always a little bit mature for my age as a kid. I used to walk around with the teachers during recess in grade school... instead of playing with the other kids, because... I felt they weren't at my level. And as I got older, I don't know why, but when I was in High School I hung out with people my age and younger. And I always believe that I was at that level... and as I grow, I consider myself still holding on to the youthfulness. I am more mature, as I experience life, and as I make my mistakes in life. But I still grow to try to understand all that life is, and was, and will be.
When I interact with people, I share my "mental age" with them. It's the age I feel. When women address people with their age, they typically share a younger age than they actually are, because they are vane. My reason for sharing my "mental age" is not due to vanity, but because I really believe that at that age, I am happy. I was happy. I know that I am older. But subconsciously, I feel younger!
So, when I need to be "honest," its really not that I was trying to be dishonest with someone. It's just that I was being honest with myself. It wasn't that I was trying to be deceptive. I don't usually have problems with white lies. And it is nice when the truth in those matters doesn't matter to the one you have to tell it to. It means a lot when the truth coming out doesn't change their feelings or thoughts of you. It means a lot when forgiveness is granted for your "dishonesty."
But most importantly, if it matters, it really shouldn't have. Life is full of mistakes we make, and if we start looking at them as if they are the end all of everything that you are working towards, the relationships you have in life should be able to withstand almost anything that is thrown at them. It may be a bubble of trust... but a little thing like a white lie should not burst that bubble... that is, if it means more to you than loosing the one you care about.
I'm glad that my friends and loved ones feel the same way about this issue... because I really was petrified tonight as I revealed that intimate and private information.
:-)
I was always a little bit mature for my age as a kid. I used to walk around with the teachers during recess in grade school... instead of playing with the other kids, because... I felt they weren't at my level. And as I got older, I don't know why, but when I was in High School I hung out with people my age and younger. And I always believe that I was at that level... and as I grow, I consider myself still holding on to the youthfulness. I am more mature, as I experience life, and as I make my mistakes in life. But I still grow to try to understand all that life is, and was, and will be.
When I interact with people, I share my "mental age" with them. It's the age I feel. When women address people with their age, they typically share a younger age than they actually are, because they are vane. My reason for sharing my "mental age" is not due to vanity, but because I really believe that at that age, I am happy. I was happy. I know that I am older. But subconsciously, I feel younger!
So, when I need to be "honest," its really not that I was trying to be dishonest with someone. It's just that I was being honest with myself. It wasn't that I was trying to be deceptive. I don't usually have problems with white lies. And it is nice when the truth in those matters doesn't matter to the one you have to tell it to. It means a lot when the truth coming out doesn't change their feelings or thoughts of you. It means a lot when forgiveness is granted for your "dishonesty."
But most importantly, if it matters, it really shouldn't have. Life is full of mistakes we make, and if we start looking at them as if they are the end all of everything that you are working towards, the relationships you have in life should be able to withstand almost anything that is thrown at them. It may be a bubble of trust... but a little thing like a white lie should not burst that bubble... that is, if it means more to you than loosing the one you care about.
I'm glad that my friends and loved ones feel the same way about this issue... because I really was petrified tonight as I revealed that intimate and private information.
:-)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
MY IN-STORE CD GIVEAWAY PROMO WAS AWESOME!!!
I wanted to go to the mall... to Best Buy or Target... because they were like the really big stores... but they both told me that I needed to get corporate approval like way ahead of time... and I didn't have time to do that... SOOOOO... I was talking to my friend... and he was like... Wal Mart will do it! But I forgot my camera at the house... so I had to drive all the way back at my house first... to take pictures of the CD GIVEAWAY!
SO I called Wal Mart, which was farther from my house... out in the suburbs. The shift manager said it was okay... so I picked my CD's up at Target... well... the guy at the electronics desk was on break... so the dork who was there was like... trying to call him... and he told the guy at the counter that I couldn't buy the CD's to give away at another store! WHAT A MORON!!!
SOOOOO I am back on my cellie, calling the store manager who was all excited that she saw David on the VIEW in the morning... and she said that if I was paying for the CD's I could give 'em to whoever I wanted! The guy who was on break just didn't want to get off his lazy butt to open another box of CD's! What a MORON!!!
So I got to the Wal Mart... who incidentally had the CD's on sale as well! And the Wal Mart CD's have bonus track on them... They gave me a table to set up.. my index cards, pens, and a drawing box, plus a laminated really cool pic I got off of the internet of David! Then, I was allowed to go on the intercom in the store, and announce the CD and the promo GIVE AWAY every 15 minutes and gave away 2 CD's every half hour for 2 hours!!! (the other 2 were for me and my bf)! It was so fun!!!
Of course... all the Wal Mart Employees were there too, trying to win a free CD... but the customers won 50 % of the CD's and the employees won the other 50%, so it was cool! AND we got the word out... there was like over 100 entries for each half hour! It was really cool!!! Then I snuck up and posted posters of David Archuleta's Release by the CD's on the shelves!!! I think the employees are going to leave them there! And I left a stack of 500 fliers about the CD release and the Street Team on the counter by the electronics department! It was a really amazing night!
SO I called Wal Mart, which was farther from my house... out in the suburbs. The shift manager said it was okay... so I picked my CD's up at Target... well... the guy at the electronics desk was on break... so the dork who was there was like... trying to call him... and he told the guy at the counter that I couldn't buy the CD's to give away at another store! WHAT A MORON!!!
SOOOOO I am back on my cellie, calling the store manager who was all excited that she saw David on the VIEW in the morning... and she said that if I was paying for the CD's I could give 'em to whoever I wanted! The guy who was on break just didn't want to get off his lazy butt to open another box of CD's! What a MORON!!!
So I got to the Wal Mart... who incidentally had the CD's on sale as well! And the Wal Mart CD's have bonus track on them... They gave me a table to set up.. my index cards, pens, and a drawing box, plus a laminated really cool pic I got off of the internet of David! Then, I was allowed to go on the intercom in the store, and announce the CD and the promo GIVE AWAY every 15 minutes and gave away 2 CD's every half hour for 2 hours!!! (the other 2 were for me and my bf)! It was so fun!!!
Of course... all the Wal Mart Employees were there too, trying to win a free CD... but the customers won 50 % of the CD's and the employees won the other 50%, so it was cool! AND we got the word out... there was like over 100 entries for each half hour! It was really cool!!! Then I snuck up and posted posters of David Archuleta's Release by the CD's on the shelves!!! I think the employees are going to leave them there! And I left a stack of 500 fliers about the CD release and the Street Team on the counter by the electronics department! It was a really amazing night!
WALKING IN THE PARK
Sometimes, I like to reminisce, so I go to my old neighborhood, where I grew up as a kid. I drive by my old house, were we played ball in the street... and street hockey. I go to my old school and sit on the steps. Its where we all played in the playground, and where we sat after school until it was way past curfew. I drive by old friends houses, who I haven't spoken to in ages. I don't even know if they still live there. I walk through the park, the one I went to day camp with my brother at. It was a place where me and my friends played hockey. It was where the new field house was such a big thing in the neighborhood. We were all really proud of that fact. My park was the biggest thing in the world. The tree under which I first made out with Kim as a kid isn't there anymore. We used to go roller skating at the rink in Norridge, but that place was torn down to build a multi-plex theater. And we went bowling at the Brunswick Bowl, which has also been torn down. A lot has changed, but the good times... they were all there... in the back of my mind.
I enjoy walking at night, with all the lights from the ball fields still lit, and the jogging path all empty. I don't think we knew what crime was back then. It was more like kids pulling pranks. Gangs were just a group of us playin around outside a place we shouldn't have been. Now its people shooting other people for territory. Drive-by's and drugs. We did our share of smokin up... but it was never as hard core as it is today... None of my friends would have thought that we would ever look at cocaine, let alone crack. Or heroine? What the heck was that??? Crystal Meth, another thing I never heard of!
Friends were friends... you thought you would grow old with. But I don't think I talk to a single one of them for over a decade ... Once I went to High School, they were my past. And once I finished High School, those friends were my past. I guess if I lived in a small town, I would have stronger commitments from old friends, but I live in a big City, where everybody minds their own business, everybody is busy looking after themselves, and nobody has time for you.
A gallon of milk was really cheap! We drank it like water... *(which my teeth are so strong and not falling out of my mouth today). We bought bread 3 loaves for a buck, and a gallon of milk for a buck! I remember because I had to go buy it every day! So for a little kid to lug a gallon of milk and 3 loaves of bread for 2 blocks was a chore! It was just that life was for living... it was easy. I had absolutely no worries. Aside from a local bully who used to use me as a punching bag... or if a couple kids who you weren't friends with torment you because you were a little chubby as a kid. It was really a good life.
I think I will go for a walk tonight. Hope my mind is full of memories again. And I hope I don't get mugged!
I enjoy walking at night, with all the lights from the ball fields still lit, and the jogging path all empty. I don't think we knew what crime was back then. It was more like kids pulling pranks. Gangs were just a group of us playin around outside a place we shouldn't have been. Now its people shooting other people for territory. Drive-by's and drugs. We did our share of smokin up... but it was never as hard core as it is today... None of my friends would have thought that we would ever look at cocaine, let alone crack. Or heroine? What the heck was that??? Crystal Meth, another thing I never heard of!
Friends were friends... you thought you would grow old with. But I don't think I talk to a single one of them for over a decade ... Once I went to High School, they were my past. And once I finished High School, those friends were my past. I guess if I lived in a small town, I would have stronger commitments from old friends, but I live in a big City, where everybody minds their own business, everybody is busy looking after themselves, and nobody has time for you.
A gallon of milk was really cheap! We drank it like water... *(which my teeth are so strong and not falling out of my mouth today). We bought bread 3 loaves for a buck, and a gallon of milk for a buck! I remember because I had to go buy it every day! So for a little kid to lug a gallon of milk and 3 loaves of bread for 2 blocks was a chore! It was just that life was for living... it was easy. I had absolutely no worries. Aside from a local bully who used to use me as a punching bag... or if a couple kids who you weren't friends with torment you because you were a little chubby as a kid. It was really a good life.
I think I will go for a walk tonight. Hope my mind is full of memories again. And I hope I don't get mugged!
SURROUNDED BY CLOUDS
Have you ever wondered why you are the perfect person to help people out with their problems, and they seem like the most simple things in the world... But when it comes to solving problems in your own life, you haven't got a clue of what you're doing?
It's because when we are in the middle of a situation, we are so surrounded by these clouds, that we can't think clearly. It's only in hindsight that we recognize what silliness it all was. But in the midst of a problem, you can't get a real grasp of the situation. And when you are giving advice, you are just totally out of it, so you don't have those clouds. Does any of this make sense? I wish I could explain it better, but I am in the clouds right now.
Let's say I was a pilot. If I am flying in the clouds, and my flight instruments go dead in the middle of the flight, I am totally screwed. I have no idea where I am, or how high I am, or what heading I am in, and I also have no clue that if I don't bank hard right, that plane in front of me is going to end up in my lap! SPLAT! Whereas, that guy on the ground, in the tower, with all the backup systems, he has radar screens telling him where you are headed. And other planes above or below can track you on their radar screens and get you out of that cloudy situation!
My flight instruments are not really working right now, because I have my head in the clouds. I wish navigating this thing called life was simpler, but I have to put my best foot forward, looking back at my past mistakes, trying to learn from them (get a backup battery pack for those instruments just in case the power system fails and all your instruments bottom out), and then just stepping out in blind faith.
I pray for those people who surround me, my friends and family who help guide me when I am lost (out of control). I pray for the people who are in the clouds, that I can help navigate safely to the ground! I pray for the people who are on the other path that I am about to collide with, because I have no clue where they are at compared to me. I pray for forgiveness, from them, and from the people who I roll over in my attempt at being rescued from my own demise. I just pray that my radar system will let me look from outside the box, so that I can get my head out of the clouds, or better yet, that the clouds will clear and I can just see clearly what path I need to follow. So that I can make the trip from point A to point B with no turbulence.
I care... about every passenger in this flight. Please fasten your seat belts, we are going to face a little turbulence, but we should get through the little jolts and get back to smooth air in just a little bit. Please be patient. The clouds will be lifting soon! And then... prepare for a smooth landing. Thank you for flying the friendly skies.
I don't know exactly how much of this little rambling made sense. Sometimes I have the ability to make absolutely no sense. Imagine that!
It's because when we are in the middle of a situation, we are so surrounded by these clouds, that we can't think clearly. It's only in hindsight that we recognize what silliness it all was. But in the midst of a problem, you can't get a real grasp of the situation. And when you are giving advice, you are just totally out of it, so you don't have those clouds. Does any of this make sense? I wish I could explain it better, but I am in the clouds right now.
Let's say I was a pilot. If I am flying in the clouds, and my flight instruments go dead in the middle of the flight, I am totally screwed. I have no idea where I am, or how high I am, or what heading I am in, and I also have no clue that if I don't bank hard right, that plane in front of me is going to end up in my lap! SPLAT! Whereas, that guy on the ground, in the tower, with all the backup systems, he has radar screens telling him where you are headed. And other planes above or below can track you on their radar screens and get you out of that cloudy situation!
My flight instruments are not really working right now, because I have my head in the clouds. I wish navigating this thing called life was simpler, but I have to put my best foot forward, looking back at my past mistakes, trying to learn from them (get a backup battery pack for those instruments just in case the power system fails and all your instruments bottom out), and then just stepping out in blind faith.
I pray for those people who surround me, my friends and family who help guide me when I am lost (out of control). I pray for the people who are in the clouds, that I can help navigate safely to the ground! I pray for the people who are on the other path that I am about to collide with, because I have no clue where they are at compared to me. I pray for forgiveness, from them, and from the people who I roll over in my attempt at being rescued from my own demise. I just pray that my radar system will let me look from outside the box, so that I can get my head out of the clouds, or better yet, that the clouds will clear and I can just see clearly what path I need to follow. So that I can make the trip from point A to point B with no turbulence.
I care... about every passenger in this flight. Please fasten your seat belts, we are going to face a little turbulence, but we should get through the little jolts and get back to smooth air in just a little bit. Please be patient. The clouds will be lifting soon! And then... prepare for a smooth landing. Thank you for flying the friendly skies.
I don't know exactly how much of this little rambling made sense. Sometimes I have the ability to make absolutely no sense. Imagine that!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
SLEEPY CUZ OF SMILEY!
I love it when you meet someone that just makes you feel so comfortable that you can talk for hours and hours... But I cherish my sleep, too! When you stay up until almost 6 am talking, because you don't want to say good bye, you forget that you have to be up in 2 hours to go to work! Now you get there, and you find out that you don't have to work until 4 in the afternoon! So you drive all the way back home (thank God they didn't charge you for parking for the 15 minutes you were there checking your schedule). Then you get a few last hours of much cherished sleep... I finally went to work at 4 and I was nice and refreshed! Last minute texting on my cell phone for the smiles, back and forth... and that jump in my step... people could tell by the smile on my face... the smile is contagious! It spread from someone else to me by way of laughter and finding common ground! It is a nice feeling... meeting a new friend! And sharing your passions until 6 am... but I cherish sleep, too! What to do... what to do? I think I will be sleeping a lot less! Who needs sleep??? ;-)
Saturday, November 8, 2008
CRUSH!
I just joined the David Archuleta "STREET TEAM!" Basically, we get the word out about events, and releases for his music. He is an amazingly gifted young artist who appeared in numerous television talk shows, star search as a very young boy, and probably most famous for coming in 2nd in the 7th season of American Idol! He is a soulful balladeer, and his music makes me wanna cry sometimes! He has a way of showing passion in his music. He also has a new CD coming out this Tuesday, titled David Archuleta, with a hit song, CRUSH on it. The video is streaming above (if I got this to work well...). And I hope everyone will give this kid a chance to make it in the music industry by buying a CD at their local music store!
This guy is 17 and he knew what he wanted to do in life at a very young age! He is quite inspirational to me. His spirit is evident in his ambitious drive... and he is quite sincere in all he does for his fans, friends and family. He is also a man of faith. He was intending on doing his mission trip for his Mormon faith, which would have been two years, but it appears that he will be postponing that for a little while as he advances in the music industry. His time is now! So my hope is that you will bring out the best in him by supporting his work now! I want his debut album to go PLATINUM on day one of its release!
So I will be going to the mall on Tuesday to pass out fliers to promote his album release and his "Street Team." If you would like to check out his MySpace, it is http://www.myspace.com/davidarchuleta and his website is www.davidarchuleta.com (coming soon) and if you would like to join his mobile club where you can download ring tones, you can call him at (801)386-8196 or text him by texting @arch "your message" to 66937. If you would like to join his "STREET TEAM" go to http://davidarchuleta.fancorps.com and when you sign up, where it says referred by, enter my screen name: nmkastrinsios so that I can add to my activity points! Thanks so much for bearing with me here... I know I am going on and on about this kid. But he is really an amazingly gifted artist that I hope will go far in life. I just want to support him in his passion and his gift!
Have a great day, and enjoy the music!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
SOMETIMES THE TIMING JUST ISN'T RIGHT
About 8 years ago, I was working on Navy Pier. It was just beginning to get really good there. A bunch of little shops, restaurants, a 20 story Ferris Wheel, dinner cruise ships, conferences and exhibit halls, huge venues would come to the Pier to have their conferences and exhibits. It was fast becoming one of the premier tourist destinations in the city. And I was interested in grabbing a piece of the pie. I wanted to open a little cart and sell hot dogs. That's it, just hot dogs! I could have been a millionaire by now off of hot dogs!
Well, it didn't happen. I went to Greece because my dad passed away, and then I moved to Cape Cod, Massachusetts for 4 years. When I came back, I was getting my feet back on solid ground. My mom had been dealing with breast cancer, and I had an emergency appendectomy when I got back that first autumn. Now when I go back there this past summer to work, there are hot dog stands and Italian Ice stands and "Dippin' Dots." There are ice cream parlors, popcorn vendors, coffee stands, Cinnamon roasted nuts, fudge shops, t-shirts, novelty shops, there's even a "Build-A-Bear." There is an I-MAX theater, and a Shakespeare Theater, and a Grand Ballroom. It just kept expanding into the tourist attraction I knew it was becoming just a decade before. Except I was still just the same person with a dream to open a business there. And they all had their spots.
This year I put in a proposal to open "SLUSHY'S." Whether they let me in or not for next summer, has yet to be determined. It's a bit political (as is anything you do in Chicago). But as far as putting together an idea and putting all the pieces in place to do it if they let me, that is all done. Hopefully next summer I will be selling my slush beverages, slushy t-shirts, hats, slushy character dolls, and Slushy will finally make me an entrepreneur in the hottest destination for the summer in Chicago. After a couple years I can start working on opening drive-thru coffee kiosks around the city and suburbs. And little by little, work on building an income generating real-estate portfolio.
I don't see my past setbacks as bad things. Every experience I have had in my life has been a preparation to bring me to where I am today. Every failure, every trial and test in my life. All of them are gifts to me. I have never been one to get in on the ground floor of anything. I am a low-moderate risk taker. I don't bet on something unless I am almost certain of its success. Although, I have in the past, worked on any short range possibilities, like Amway, Quorum, Reliv, etc. Today, working on the first substantial savings account I have ever had, I am less of a risk taker.
I see the first part of my life as an education. I may not have degrees from some university, although I did have some college. But I have so much more of my life to look forward to. The timing just wasn't right until this moment. This is the moment to thrive. This is the moment to not let anything take me off course. This is the time that I need to work hard to enjoy the fruits of my efforts. If I ever died without realizing those fruits, its ok, because the journey was enjoyable. I know that I did my best with what I had in life. I took what was given to me, and I made the best of every possible situation.
I have been faced with some really hard times in life. But at every moment in time, I came to a point when I faced the fact that I was not in control. There is nothing that I can do to solve any problem on my own. This is where my faith comes in. I am reminded of the verse in the Bible which says, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge the Lord in all of your ways, and He will direct your path." What a wonderful promise! What a blessing! I don't have anything to do in those trials in life but to trust in the Lord. I don't even have to try to understand it, because my understanding is so clouded by being in the middle of a great big mess (usually caused by my own idiocy). God's understanding is so superior to mine. I don't have to understand it. Then when I see all the stuff sorting itself out... it's GOD! It's GOD! There is another verse I remember from the book of Psalms, "Be still, and know that I am GOD!" That is the one verse that gives me peace in a huge anxious moment... and at every worry, I recognize that God is so much greater than anything I could possibly control.
If I am ever in a position when the timing just isn't right for something, there is something to be said for just leaving it in God's hands. He has the power of making a situation that is just endless and miserable, gracious and good. He doesn't want to make us suffer, He wants to make us stronger! So I will wait on His time to make all my work bear much fruit. I will be still, and know that He is GOD! And in those silent times, when I hear Him speaking to my heart, I have to just be still and listen to the soft voice in those Bible verses I learned when I was a little kid in the youth group, and I don't have to understand how it happens, but everything works its way out of the miserable and transforms into the blessings that He has in store for me.
I hope that in the months to come, I can come back to this blog and write about the challenges of building out my little SLUSHY kiosk... for the summer. That is, if they let me come to the Pier in the summer!
Well, it didn't happen. I went to Greece because my dad passed away, and then I moved to Cape Cod, Massachusetts for 4 years. When I came back, I was getting my feet back on solid ground. My mom had been dealing with breast cancer, and I had an emergency appendectomy when I got back that first autumn. Now when I go back there this past summer to work, there are hot dog stands and Italian Ice stands and "Dippin' Dots." There are ice cream parlors, popcorn vendors, coffee stands, Cinnamon roasted nuts, fudge shops, t-shirts, novelty shops, there's even a "Build-A-Bear." There is an I-MAX theater, and a Shakespeare Theater, and a Grand Ballroom. It just kept expanding into the tourist attraction I knew it was becoming just a decade before. Except I was still just the same person with a dream to open a business there. And they all had their spots.
This year I put in a proposal to open "SLUSHY'S." Whether they let me in or not for next summer, has yet to be determined. It's a bit political (as is anything you do in Chicago). But as far as putting together an idea and putting all the pieces in place to do it if they let me, that is all done. Hopefully next summer I will be selling my slush beverages, slushy t-shirts, hats, slushy character dolls, and Slushy will finally make me an entrepreneur in the hottest destination for the summer in Chicago. After a couple years I can start working on opening drive-thru coffee kiosks around the city and suburbs. And little by little, work on building an income generating real-estate portfolio.
I don't see my past setbacks as bad things. Every experience I have had in my life has been a preparation to bring me to where I am today. Every failure, every trial and test in my life. All of them are gifts to me. I have never been one to get in on the ground floor of anything. I am a low-moderate risk taker. I don't bet on something unless I am almost certain of its success. Although, I have in the past, worked on any short range possibilities, like Amway, Quorum, Reliv, etc. Today, working on the first substantial savings account I have ever had, I am less of a risk taker.
I see the first part of my life as an education. I may not have degrees from some university, although I did have some college. But I have so much more of my life to look forward to. The timing just wasn't right until this moment. This is the moment to thrive. This is the moment to not let anything take me off course. This is the time that I need to work hard to enjoy the fruits of my efforts. If I ever died without realizing those fruits, its ok, because the journey was enjoyable. I know that I did my best with what I had in life. I took what was given to me, and I made the best of every possible situation.
I have been faced with some really hard times in life. But at every moment in time, I came to a point when I faced the fact that I was not in control. There is nothing that I can do to solve any problem on my own. This is where my faith comes in. I am reminded of the verse in the Bible which says, "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Acknowledge the Lord in all of your ways, and He will direct your path." What a wonderful promise! What a blessing! I don't have anything to do in those trials in life but to trust in the Lord. I don't even have to try to understand it, because my understanding is so clouded by being in the middle of a great big mess (usually caused by my own idiocy). God's understanding is so superior to mine. I don't have to understand it. Then when I see all the stuff sorting itself out... it's GOD! It's GOD! There is another verse I remember from the book of Psalms, "Be still, and know that I am GOD!" That is the one verse that gives me peace in a huge anxious moment... and at every worry, I recognize that God is so much greater than anything I could possibly control.
If I am ever in a position when the timing just isn't right for something, there is something to be said for just leaving it in God's hands. He has the power of making a situation that is just endless and miserable, gracious and good. He doesn't want to make us suffer, He wants to make us stronger! So I will wait on His time to make all my work bear much fruit. I will be still, and know that He is GOD! And in those silent times, when I hear Him speaking to my heart, I have to just be still and listen to the soft voice in those Bible verses I learned when I was a little kid in the youth group, and I don't have to understand how it happens, but everything works its way out of the miserable and transforms into the blessings that He has in store for me.
I hope that in the months to come, I can come back to this blog and write about the challenges of building out my little SLUSHY kiosk... for the summer. That is, if they let me come to the Pier in the summer!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I AM SO HAPPY I AM HERE!
I have been hopeing for a way to share my feelings, insights, views on life, perspectives on religion, politics, ethics, sex, love, relationships, and the like, and finally, a place to put it all out there... for the time being...
I hope you like it... my space... well better than myspace, Niko Blog! It will catalog my belief system, and how I came to the idea that this is what I believe and this is why I believe it... Hope you will enjoy the insights... share your ideas, and debate with me if you disagree, but more importantly... open your heart and mind to the sharing of ideas with agreement or disagreement...
Have a great time!
I hope you like it... my space... well better than myspace, Niko Blog! It will catalog my belief system, and how I came to the idea that this is what I believe and this is why I believe it... Hope you will enjoy the insights... share your ideas, and debate with me if you disagree, but more importantly... open your heart and mind to the sharing of ideas with agreement or disagreement...
Have a great time!
NO ON PROP 8
I wonder in amazement about how our world view is so skewed. How can we as a people claim to be a free nation and yet limit the rights of individuals seeking the same rights as all others are afforded under the equality of marriage laws in individual states? How does one right granted to some take away the rights of those who are not affected by the decision? Today, the day after the most significant national election in decades, and after the rights of an African American President Elect have been shown to come full circle from only a generation ago, when blacks were not allowed to vote in this country, and just a generation prior to when blacks were held as slaves in this country, we are celebrating his victory, and America’s victory as we have found our way through the bigotry and prejudice we face, we are shadowed with disappointing referenda on state ballots which determined (for now) the fate of those who are gay and lesbian, in committed relationships, limiting their ability in at least 3 specific states (Florida, Arizona, and California).
In California, after being legislated by the state supreme court to be unconstitutional, and after months of legalized gay and lesbian marriages being performed, today it looks as though the highly controversial and very close proposition 8, designating in the state constitution that marriage should only be valid and recognized by a man and a woman will pass by a couple of percentage points. This will put an end to freedom to marry in the state. It will eliminate a right that was granted by the state’s constitution prior to this date. I thought our country was designed with the hope of giving freedoms, not taking them away. Yet because of a host of efforts on proponents of the measure, it will now set back the freedoms we, as a nation, are fighting for. Today, despite the freedoms fought for and achieved by our President Elect, we have been clouded by a wicked religious right, who purports injustice whenever they feel their rights are violated. They have made a case against the rights of people who ache for the right to love and to have equal rights as they commit their lives to each other. It sickens me to think that these same people claim that their main focus in life is to love. Their love is the “right” love and any other love is deemed wrong. They judge, although they are commanded not to judge. And they impose their morals and beliefs on the rest of the world through propaganda and uninformed (misguided) media and “gossip” through the channels of their organizations across the country under the umbrella of God.
As for my understanding of God, he is a God of love, unconditional love, the kind that knows no bounds, the kind of love that forgives, the kind of love that does not judge, the kind of love that crosses over borders and boundaries, the kind of love that promotes peace and common ground, the kind of love that shows others that they matter, that their opinions matter, and the kind of love that is sacrificial even to death – death on a cross.
Despite the decisions made by the slim margins in California, the fights for freedom will never cease. This nation will always hold numerous opinions on a multitude of issues in the coming months, years, decades, centuries and millennia. And as long as there are different opinions, there will be room for debate and the changing of laws, constitutions, and hearts and minds of the majority. If an African American can grow up in a country that once held his ancestors in captivity, to become the leader of the free world, then freedom will reign in the gay and lesbian community, even the freedom to marry and commit their lives to their partner.
My prayer is that the bigotry and hatred will be so transparent that even those who made the decision to vote for Proposition 8 in California will see the their intolerance and lack of acceptance and lack of love, and change their position in elections to come.
In California, after being legislated by the state supreme court to be unconstitutional, and after months of legalized gay and lesbian marriages being performed, today it looks as though the highly controversial and very close proposition 8, designating in the state constitution that marriage should only be valid and recognized by a man and a woman will pass by a couple of percentage points. This will put an end to freedom to marry in the state. It will eliminate a right that was granted by the state’s constitution prior to this date. I thought our country was designed with the hope of giving freedoms, not taking them away. Yet because of a host of efforts on proponents of the measure, it will now set back the freedoms we, as a nation, are fighting for. Today, despite the freedoms fought for and achieved by our President Elect, we have been clouded by a wicked religious right, who purports injustice whenever they feel their rights are violated. They have made a case against the rights of people who ache for the right to love and to have equal rights as they commit their lives to each other. It sickens me to think that these same people claim that their main focus in life is to love. Their love is the “right” love and any other love is deemed wrong. They judge, although they are commanded not to judge. And they impose their morals and beliefs on the rest of the world through propaganda and uninformed (misguided) media and “gossip” through the channels of their organizations across the country under the umbrella of God.
As for my understanding of God, he is a God of love, unconditional love, the kind that knows no bounds, the kind of love that forgives, the kind of love that does not judge, the kind of love that crosses over borders and boundaries, the kind of love that promotes peace and common ground, the kind of love that shows others that they matter, that their opinions matter, and the kind of love that is sacrificial even to death – death on a cross.
Despite the decisions made by the slim margins in California, the fights for freedom will never cease. This nation will always hold numerous opinions on a multitude of issues in the coming months, years, decades, centuries and millennia. And as long as there are different opinions, there will be room for debate and the changing of laws, constitutions, and hearts and minds of the majority. If an African American can grow up in a country that once held his ancestors in captivity, to become the leader of the free world, then freedom will reign in the gay and lesbian community, even the freedom to marry and commit their lives to their partner.
My prayer is that the bigotry and hatred will be so transparent that even those who made the decision to vote for Proposition 8 in California will see the their intolerance and lack of acceptance and lack of love, and change their position in elections to come.
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