Wasn't it after the whole creation events, and God making the day light and the night dark, then he decided to do the whole flood thing, right? Because I think it wasn't too long ago when I got my electricity turned on, and then it started raining, and then the roof, not having been fixed, decided to collapse the ceiling in on me, and now the carpenters are going to have to replace the ceiling, and a whole side of my building's drywall panels.
Not to mention, yesterday when I went to the bank, the banker said I could just give him my social security number and then when I called today to let him know my federal tax ID number, he said I would have to close the old account and start a whole new account, AFTER I HAD ALREADY STARTED WRITING CHECKS ON THE OTHER ACCOUNT! So now I got that stuff straightened out. The fire suppression system we had in the building is now in need of not recharging or repairing, but replacing, which is another $2,000.
The good news is I got my insurance policy in place. And that was a good thing, because despite it being another $2,400, it was finally there to protect me from any more damage or fire or whatever else could possibly happen to this place now that I am in it! It seems that Murphy's Law, "Everything that can go wrong, will! And it will happen at the worst possible time," is fully in effect for me here. But my mom asked me if I was regretting my decision to do this, and I fully said, "NO WAY!"
There are nice things to be said for what is going on as well. Like, today, I got to talk to the coffee supplier, and so that is arranged for delivery. And then there is the carpenter who is a friend of my brother's. He seemed like he actually knew what he was talking about, and that he would do some decent work. I also got my menu board ordered and sent off to the designers for graphic artwork and stuff. And then we got our dumpster delivered today! That was a BIG thing, believe it or not, because without that dumpster, I had no place to start throwing out old junk! So it was nice, to see some of the stuff happening. And I also set up some vendor appointments today with some really influential people. I got to talk to an old friend who is the Senior Vice President of Vienna Beef Co. This guy is UBER important in the city of Chicago, only because his company has been selling the main "CHICAGO DOG" for the past 125 years!
All these companies who I will be dealing with, who are my vendors, and suppliers, will give me free product, or free advertising stuff, or even help pay for my equipment, or my signs, or just a bunch of stuff. Just for selling their stuff! How wicked is that?!?! So I have Pepsi giving me some coolers, to store my soda, salads, and condiments in. I have the coffee guy giving me a coffee system, to sell his coffee. I have the hot dog vendor giving me signs and table umbrella's and free product or cash for putting his logo on my signs and stuff. And people in the neighborhood are really anticipating my opening already. I have only been there two days, and despite the COMPLETE MESS the place is in, I have gotten a relatively lot done! And the place can only get better. I mean, there are things I need to do to make it what it needs to be, and all the little things add up to a big thing. But ultimately, the place will be where it needs to be to pass all the right inspections, and I can do what I have always dreamed of doing.
My chief goal is not to sell a hot dog here. My chief goal is to be a reputable place, with quality food, great service, and always doing things in business with a good ethic. That means, not screwing people over to make a buck. I think the more I do what I need to do without cutting corners, the farther I will get in this business to build a reputation of being the better restaurant operator.
When I can show a profit, will not be the determining factor of my success, but when I can get my vendors and customers to be happy to do business with me each and every time they walk up to my counter. So from the beginning, to the end, and all the time in between, I want to be a business man with integrity, providing a piece of me with every hot dog, gyros, burger, steak sandwich, and appetizer I sell!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
AND MILES TO GO BEFORE I SLEEP
So today, I got my tree trimmed, from the electric wire problem, and then we got the electric company out right away to hook up service! I have LIGHT! And also, Pepsi came by to arrange for delivering a really SWEET cooler that they are paying for, servicing and all I have to do is SELL PEPSI! They offered me a menu board, but I don't like the generic ones that they have with the little plastic numbers and letters. It just looks sloppy and old. I have this really nice one being made for me. It is going to be lit up and laminate graphics that the light shines through. And as for the gas company, after like, hours of being on the phone, and countless customer service issues, I finally set up an appointment for Saturday afternoon. So that will be good for me to get to cooking. Tonight the carpenter is supposed to be coming by to look over the place and begin assessing all the damage. And there is just a lot to be done. I never realized how much of a problem we have in the dry storage area with cleaning up and storing stuff on shelves, high enough and out of reach of any unwelcome guests!
Also today, the cable company came by to make sure we are serviceable for internet and phone service. And then I hopped downtown to get my business name registered with the county, and my state resale tax ID number. Now I have to file for my federal tax ID number and I also have to eat something before I pass out from not eating all day. I have been so nervous about all this stuff, I haven't had time to eat.
Finally today, I went to the bank to open my business checking account. Just as they were about to close for the day, so I can get my debit card in the mail and my checks ordered and begin to use them to pay for stuff.
The road is long, and the path is certainly not paved well. But I will get to opening day. I hope sooner than later. I have 4-6 weeks before I can get health inspectors in to conduct their inspections. I just hope we get that far. QUICK!
Talk to you later! Keep up with the blog posts for those of you interested. And keep me in your prayers and thoughts. :-)
Also today, the cable company came by to make sure we are serviceable for internet and phone service. And then I hopped downtown to get my business name registered with the county, and my state resale tax ID number. Now I have to file for my federal tax ID number and I also have to eat something before I pass out from not eating all day. I have been so nervous about all this stuff, I haven't had time to eat.
Finally today, I went to the bank to open my business checking account. Just as they were about to close for the day, so I can get my debit card in the mail and my checks ordered and begin to use them to pay for stuff.
The road is long, and the path is certainly not paved well. But I will get to opening day. I hope sooner than later. I have 4-6 weeks before I can get health inspectors in to conduct their inspections. I just hope we get that far. QUICK!
Talk to you later! Keep up with the blog posts for those of you interested. And keep me in your prayers and thoughts. :-)
A TREE
So, there's this great big tree in the back lot of the property. And from the pole in the alley to the building are draped these wires from the phone company and the electric company. Well, somehow, this big tree in the back lot tore down the electrical wires and so now I have to have the tree trimmed so that the electric company can come re-wire us from the pole to the building. A TREE damaged the line. But the best part of this, I get a call at Midnight to come to the restaurant, because the Electric Company guy is going to be there in half an hour. AT MIDNIGHT!!! Question being, will my landlord pay for this one too? Or will he just say, sorry man, you have lots of troubles getting started. I wouldn't know until I talk to him. But I WILL get electricity before the weekend!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
I HOLD THE KEY!
The future is mine. I control my own destiny. I am the author of my own destiny. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. And about a dozen or so more cliche's come to mind as I hold the key to my shabby little shanty with a griddle and a fryer and a gyros machine and a couple coolers and freezers. I remember the first time I had my own apartment, back when I was living outside Atlanta, Georgia. I had moved down and stayed with my brother just long enough to find a job and a place of my own. And the apartment which I signed a lease on was 750 square feet and it was BEAUTIFUL! I didn't have a stick of furniture and still, I felt like for the first time in my life, it was MY PLACE! No longer encumbered by the rules of "mom's house" or answering to anyone but myself (of course, now with this lease came certain rules and restrictions but these seemed more official since the name on the lease was mine). So there I was in my new apartment, and I spun around with my arms extended, and ran through the apartment singing "MINE-ALL MINE! MINE-ALL MINE! MINE-ALL MINE!"
It was sort of the same thing today! The pride after such a difficult struggle with the language on the lease, and who was responsible for what, and how this was supposed to be dealt with, and what happened if this happened? It was all a bunch of crap until finally, our signatures were affixed on the last page after initialing each of the 25 pages of the lease and checking each clause to make sure we had met on each point. FINALLY we were done trying to get over so that we could move forward. There was not a lot I could do but revel in that moment. I stood in amazement as I looked around at my little wooden shack, and walls and ceiling which needed some cosmetic work. The sink which needed a new faucet, and the floors which needed base molding, and the wall which needed drywall, and all of it was MINE! I had so much to do within the weeks and months ahead to get it ready, but in that one moment, when I had my copy and he had his, it was just that! It was a moment, where I knew what I was getting myself into, and I LOVED IT!
It's sort of like, a right of passage. When you are in control of something bigger than you have ever been in control of before, it is like, you feel a sense of pride! And that is how I felt at that moment. I have managed restaurants for other people before, and it was great and all. I felt like I took care and a sense of responsibility for my job as a manager, but I never felt pride in the outcome of that work. I got a paycheck, and that was a good feeling. I paid bills and I got what I was agreed to get for the time I spent doing what I was told to do. But this time, it was MY responsibility to put in the time and effort, blood, sweat and tears. And in the end, all my work will pay me what I hope to be enough to still pay the bills, and perhaps enough to save up to do more.
I want to pass the threshold and see my business grow from month to month, and then to level off eventually, I am sure, and then to keep me in business for not just the term of the lease, but for the duration of the business life. I want this so much! I have wanted this since I was a little kid, chasing the hot dog street vendor and wanting my own hot dog cart someday! Maybe it was the "GREEK BLOODLINE" which just yelled out, "RESTAURANT" to me. Maybe it was just what I ended up cursed with. But it is finally mine. I don't have to work for someone else anymore. I don't have to answer to anyone but my customers anymore. And for once, when I go home at night, when all is said and done, the work won't be for the benefit of someone else. It will be to build MY business.
The entire struggle with the lease this whole time, was to keep that sacred to me. If I was taking a business from nothing to build it up over time, there was no way in HELL that I would just give it over to my landlord or someone he wanted to give the business to someday, and take all the hard work I was doing to give to someone else. That just wasn't going to happen without me fighting for it. And so I hope that within the next 6 years of my lease and options, that I will have the means to buy the place outright, and not have to worry about that happening in the future. Beyond that, if someone wanted to buy my business, and pay me for what I feel my work was worth, in building that business, then I could negotiate a fair price for that, but in the meantime, I had a lot do to make that happen.
This moment is MINE! This little shabby shack which has been referred to as "ghetto" by some, is still MY GHETTO SHABBY SHACK! And I take pride in everything it is and all I will be able to do with it. The keys are in my hand. And I have control of everything there is in it. From today, I have a very short time to turn it from shanty, to beautiful, and make that little wooden shack make a whole lot of hot dogs (and other food) to pay the rent, utilities, and me. And from this point on, IT'S MINE!
Today, I didn't hesitate to begin calling places to set up the utilities, and get the work scheduled to get the place ready for opening. I have about 5,000 things that need to be done from now until the final inspections, and I hope that they all get done without a bunch of struggles... but even those struggles will build my character, and without that, I wouldn't feel as proud. I don't want anything just given to me without me putting any effort into it. So yeah, life, bring it on! I'm ready now. I control the destiny here.
Finally, I must say, thank you to my friends and family who have kept listening to me struggling through this lease process, and dreaming stages since I was a kid. They are in for more, until I finally do get open for business. But thanks for listening to me and just dealing with my rants and my dreams. And for the One who makes all things beautiful in HIS time - the giver of all blessings, THANK GOD!
It was sort of the same thing today! The pride after such a difficult struggle with the language on the lease, and who was responsible for what, and how this was supposed to be dealt with, and what happened if this happened? It was all a bunch of crap until finally, our signatures were affixed on the last page after initialing each of the 25 pages of the lease and checking each clause to make sure we had met on each point. FINALLY we were done trying to get over so that we could move forward. There was not a lot I could do but revel in that moment. I stood in amazement as I looked around at my little wooden shack, and walls and ceiling which needed some cosmetic work. The sink which needed a new faucet, and the floors which needed base molding, and the wall which needed drywall, and all of it was MINE! I had so much to do within the weeks and months ahead to get it ready, but in that one moment, when I had my copy and he had his, it was just that! It was a moment, where I knew what I was getting myself into, and I LOVED IT!
It's sort of like, a right of passage. When you are in control of something bigger than you have ever been in control of before, it is like, you feel a sense of pride! And that is how I felt at that moment. I have managed restaurants for other people before, and it was great and all. I felt like I took care and a sense of responsibility for my job as a manager, but I never felt pride in the outcome of that work. I got a paycheck, and that was a good feeling. I paid bills and I got what I was agreed to get for the time I spent doing what I was told to do. But this time, it was MY responsibility to put in the time and effort, blood, sweat and tears. And in the end, all my work will pay me what I hope to be enough to still pay the bills, and perhaps enough to save up to do more.
I want to pass the threshold and see my business grow from month to month, and then to level off eventually, I am sure, and then to keep me in business for not just the term of the lease, but for the duration of the business life. I want this so much! I have wanted this since I was a little kid, chasing the hot dog street vendor and wanting my own hot dog cart someday! Maybe it was the "GREEK BLOODLINE" which just yelled out, "RESTAURANT" to me. Maybe it was just what I ended up cursed with. But it is finally mine. I don't have to work for someone else anymore. I don't have to answer to anyone but my customers anymore. And for once, when I go home at night, when all is said and done, the work won't be for the benefit of someone else. It will be to build MY business.
The entire struggle with the lease this whole time, was to keep that sacred to me. If I was taking a business from nothing to build it up over time, there was no way in HELL that I would just give it over to my landlord or someone he wanted to give the business to someday, and take all the hard work I was doing to give to someone else. That just wasn't going to happen without me fighting for it. And so I hope that within the next 6 years of my lease and options, that I will have the means to buy the place outright, and not have to worry about that happening in the future. Beyond that, if someone wanted to buy my business, and pay me for what I feel my work was worth, in building that business, then I could negotiate a fair price for that, but in the meantime, I had a lot do to make that happen.
This moment is MINE! This little shabby shack which has been referred to as "ghetto" by some, is still MY GHETTO SHABBY SHACK! And I take pride in everything it is and all I will be able to do with it. The keys are in my hand. And I have control of everything there is in it. From today, I have a very short time to turn it from shanty, to beautiful, and make that little wooden shack make a whole lot of hot dogs (and other food) to pay the rent, utilities, and me. And from this point on, IT'S MINE!
Today, I didn't hesitate to begin calling places to set up the utilities, and get the work scheduled to get the place ready for opening. I have about 5,000 things that need to be done from now until the final inspections, and I hope that they all get done without a bunch of struggles... but even those struggles will build my character, and without that, I wouldn't feel as proud. I don't want anything just given to me without me putting any effort into it. So yeah, life, bring it on! I'm ready now. I control the destiny here.
Finally, I must say, thank you to my friends and family who have kept listening to me struggling through this lease process, and dreaming stages since I was a kid. They are in for more, until I finally do get open for business. But thanks for listening to me and just dealing with my rants and my dreams. And for the One who makes all things beautiful in HIS time - the giver of all blessings, THANK GOD!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
I WANTED TO TRY TO BLOG MOBILE
So I set up my cell to be able to send blog messages and stuff, while I am mobile. It didn't work. Maybe I wrote too much. HAHAHA. Oh well. I was going to write a message to someone to say, like, "No hard feelings, I guess we just weren't meant to be friends," sorta thing, but I asked my friend, and she said she would just leave it be. So, yeah, I understand that he doesn't deserve the good gesture even, but I have always tried to be the better person. It isn't like I hate the guy, I just don't like him. Nor do I like the characterizations he made about me after all that crap. And knowing what I know now about who he is, the type of person he has become (or perhaps always was), I don't really like what he is about and probably would never have given it a second thought when we stopped talking in the first place. But this has occupied so much of my efforts and energy, both time and emotionally, that I want to put it to rest.
Moving on, today I am sending in for my state certificate, so that I can get my state foodservice manager's license. I need it to send in for the city license. And that one is going to take a while to process. I wish this were faster, because in order for me to open, the health inspector has to sign off on the premises, and in order to do that, he has to technically see my license. Will he let me go without it for a bit while the city bureaucracy and red tape takes its time to do what it needs to do without making me wait it out? I still need to pay rent in the meantime. So that would really suck.
Today is yet another day that I got a good night's sleep. First time in a long while that I have done that. Yesterday, after I got done with the drama, and got on with a friend of mine for a while on skype, and after deleting all my junk social networking accounts, I finally was able to just sleep a really long time. I remember going in the kitchen, making myself some eggs for breakfast, and then falling asleep. And then I looked over to the alarm clock a couple times overnight, to look at the time, and I just figured, that I didn't need to really wake up, and so I didn't until like, 8:30 am today. That was a full 20 hours of pure, unadulterated sleep. I love those. I wasn't feeling all that well to begin with, and the stress and anxiety was really getting to me. I didn't even need to take a Xanax, as I was just so completely wiped out from it all. Thankfully, my body knew what it needed and made me do the right thing. I don't need to be getting sick right now, there is way too much to do!
I will return over the next weeks to describe the new challenges and accomplishments of the future grand opening. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, please. Have a great day!
Moving on, today I am sending in for my state certificate, so that I can get my state foodservice manager's license. I need it to send in for the city license. And that one is going to take a while to process. I wish this were faster, because in order for me to open, the health inspector has to sign off on the premises, and in order to do that, he has to technically see my license. Will he let me go without it for a bit while the city bureaucracy and red tape takes its time to do what it needs to do without making me wait it out? I still need to pay rent in the meantime. So that would really suck.
Today is yet another day that I got a good night's sleep. First time in a long while that I have done that. Yesterday, after I got done with the drama, and got on with a friend of mine for a while on skype, and after deleting all my junk social networking accounts, I finally was able to just sleep a really long time. I remember going in the kitchen, making myself some eggs for breakfast, and then falling asleep. And then I looked over to the alarm clock a couple times overnight, to look at the time, and I just figured, that I didn't need to really wake up, and so I didn't until like, 8:30 am today. That was a full 20 hours of pure, unadulterated sleep. I love those. I wasn't feeling all that well to begin with, and the stress and anxiety was really getting to me. I didn't even need to take a Xanax, as I was just so completely wiped out from it all. Thankfully, my body knew what it needed and made me do the right thing. I don't need to be getting sick right now, there is way too much to do!
I will return over the next weeks to describe the new challenges and accomplishments of the future grand opening. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, please. Have a great day!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
DELETE, DELETE, DELETE
Forget, haha! How do you forget how much someone has no empathy for your feelings? All those things, ALL OF THEM, in the blog below, define him to a T! It was sad, realizing those things over the past few weeks. And the entirety of the "final straw" was me being confrontational about all the things he did. It was time for me to find answers. And I tried as hard as I could to not be abrasive when I did it. I wanted to find a way to talk to him, but as soon as I said anything, NOT SO MUCH AS AN APOLOGY. Not a single sincere word of feeling bad for anything HE WAS responsible for. The lies he told, the whole thing, it was continuous. And from day one, to the very end, he lied about so much. I could really care less about his lies to me, but he lied ABOUT ME to EVERYONE he knew. HE PUT THIS PICTURE of me in EVERYONE's face that was full of lies. EVEN AFTER, all this stuff happened, and I was trying to be protective of him from someone I felt was DANGEROUS, he blew up on me. And after blowing up, he still hadn't deleted anything I was added to as a friend on his social networking sites. I was so sick of the characterizations though, so I went ahead and deleted him from EVERYTHING. It took me close to an hour, to go through all the networking sites I had visited and added him to, and all the friends we mutually had on our contact list, because he had FUN TELLING THEM lies about me too. So, I just figured, I needed to just finally say that I was done with the lies, the insensitivity, the hostility, the being blamed or made to feel like ANY of it was my fault, despite me trying to blame myself for it in any chat he and I had. I didn't want him to think I was blaming him for all of it. But then he just started slinging the same slanderous lies. From the start to the finish. He saw my last e-mail to him, telling him I had deleted him from everything. And then I blocked him from the only thing I had left. It was my e-mail account that I had held open for him to still contact me with. And I blocked him from EVERYTHING.
I've known a few narcissists in my time. Sadly they just drain you of your emotional energy. He keeps telling people that I tried to take ownership of him, or that I am some pervert who wants him for sex, when I NEVER BROUGHT SEX INTO A DISCUSSION WITH HIM in all the times we spoke. I joked with my friend that I never even asked him what he preferred to be in bed... or how big he was... or whether he was even cut or uncut. I NEVER BROUGHT THOSE QUESTIONS TO THE TABLE!!! Because I didn't see him as a sexual thing. EVER.
He tells me in his e-mail that he never cared how he makes me feel. He didn't care if I was sad or whatever from what he did. He also says that he never liked me. So from day one, he lied. And I responded plainly that I was glad to have had this chance to know who he really was, and that I was glad that he wanted nothing more to do with me again, because it was sort of a relief to me. I didn't have to wait until July, to give him what I had promised him. He released me from my promise finally and firmly. So I feel no obligation to fulfill it. And I DELETED HIM! And he probably feels like, he has the edge. He will never be half the man I am. He will never have any significant relationships with someone which will last because he finds fault in people and blames them for his own insincerity.
Yeah, I have known many a narcissist. And each time, you find this charismatic, fun loving person. They are natural born, outspoken people who attract a crowd of followers. And when one of them falls short, they fail. They are cast away. And they are from that point forward, lied about, spat upon, kicked, ridiculed, and left for dead. Who cares? Nobody can be fucked to bother! Nice way of living life. I just could never do it. Thank GOD there are fully not many people in the world like him!!! Because the world would be such a better place with a few less narcissists. The only character or personality which I believe is worse, and I have only met one in my life, is an antisocial personality. These are often referred to as psychopaths. And just a step down from them is a narcissist.
They will never stop believing they are as great as they are. And they will never have an ounce of feeling for anyone. It is just the way they were programmed. I wish there was definitive help to give a narcissist. But what narcissist would want to come down from the pedestal they have put themselves on, in order to come down to reality and realize they are no better. And often times, worse than anyone else around them. Therapy is pointless for this very reason. You can't convince anyone that they are wrong if they don't like being confronted with their faults. They don't believe they have any!
THIS is the first day of my life. So glad I never even met you. I went out in the rain and everything changed, because my tears flowed down my cheeks. Yours was the one I thought I saw, when I looked out across the future. And when you finally showed me what it feels to be destroyed I found my feet, landing back on solid ground. To every person it takes a breaking point and finally I have found, that maybe this time it is different, I mean I really know you hate me.
sing to the melody of "first day of my life" by Bright Eyes
And now I deleted you from my contacts, maybe you will become the man I hoped you'd be. And if you ever feel a bit of empathy for anyone but yourself, there are some who will hold you higher than you ever thought you would be. As for me, I'm looking forward at my life, free of exhaustion from my complete disgust of you and all you are at this moment. And I hope to never hear from or see you again. And that opinion has changed so much over the past WEEK! I expected to let you just do your thing, and walk away for a while after July. It ended up just being an early wake up call to me. I can walk away now. And neither one of us has to feel weirded out by the other anymore.
I've known a few narcissists in my time. Sadly they just drain you of your emotional energy. He keeps telling people that I tried to take ownership of him, or that I am some pervert who wants him for sex, when I NEVER BROUGHT SEX INTO A DISCUSSION WITH HIM in all the times we spoke. I joked with my friend that I never even asked him what he preferred to be in bed... or how big he was... or whether he was even cut or uncut. I NEVER BROUGHT THOSE QUESTIONS TO THE TABLE!!! Because I didn't see him as a sexual thing. EVER.
He tells me in his e-mail that he never cared how he makes me feel. He didn't care if I was sad or whatever from what he did. He also says that he never liked me. So from day one, he lied. And I responded plainly that I was glad to have had this chance to know who he really was, and that I was glad that he wanted nothing more to do with me again, because it was sort of a relief to me. I didn't have to wait until July, to give him what I had promised him. He released me from my promise finally and firmly. So I feel no obligation to fulfill it. And I DELETED HIM! And he probably feels like, he has the edge. He will never be half the man I am. He will never have any significant relationships with someone which will last because he finds fault in people and blames them for his own insincerity.
Yeah, I have known many a narcissist. And each time, you find this charismatic, fun loving person. They are natural born, outspoken people who attract a crowd of followers. And when one of them falls short, they fail. They are cast away. And they are from that point forward, lied about, spat upon, kicked, ridiculed, and left for dead. Who cares? Nobody can be fucked to bother! Nice way of living life. I just could never do it. Thank GOD there are fully not many people in the world like him!!! Because the world would be such a better place with a few less narcissists. The only character or personality which I believe is worse, and I have only met one in my life, is an antisocial personality. These are often referred to as psychopaths. And just a step down from them is a narcissist.
They will never stop believing they are as great as they are. And they will never have an ounce of feeling for anyone. It is just the way they were programmed. I wish there was definitive help to give a narcissist. But what narcissist would want to come down from the pedestal they have put themselves on, in order to come down to reality and realize they are no better. And often times, worse than anyone else around them. Therapy is pointless for this very reason. You can't convince anyone that they are wrong if they don't like being confronted with their faults. They don't believe they have any!
THIS is the first day of my life. So glad I never even met you. I went out in the rain and everything changed, because my tears flowed down my cheeks. Yours was the one I thought I saw, when I looked out across the future. And when you finally showed me what it feels to be destroyed I found my feet, landing back on solid ground. To every person it takes a breaking point and finally I have found, that maybe this time it is different, I mean I really know you hate me.
sing to the melody of "first day of my life" by Bright Eyes
And now I deleted you from my contacts, maybe you will become the man I hoped you'd be. And if you ever feel a bit of empathy for anyone but yourself, there are some who will hold you higher than you ever thought you would be. As for me, I'm looking forward at my life, free of exhaustion from my complete disgust of you and all you are at this moment. And I hope to never hear from or see you again. And that opinion has changed so much over the past WEEK! I expected to let you just do your thing, and walk away for a while after July. It ended up just being an early wake up call to me. I can walk away now. And neither one of us has to feel weirded out by the other anymore.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
DSM IV-TR NPD (MY WEAKNESS)
I am always attracted to the same person. THIS IS HIM! Why can't I see this going into it? Crafty little bastards hide who they are until they have no more use for you. You are left with nothing more than sympathy for them, knowing full well that they will NEVER have an ounce of sympathy or empathy for you or what they have put you through.
The following was taken from the Wikipedia page on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and is not complete. If you would like to check out the site, you can Google NPD or you can check out Wikipedia's site at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the diagnostic classification system used in the United States, as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy."
The narcissist is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on others, and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness.
Classification
DSM-IV divides personality disorders into three clusters based on symptom similarities. This clustering categorizes the narcissistic personality disorder as a cluster B personality disorder, those personality disorders having in common an excessive sense of self importance. Also in that cluster are the borderline personality disorder, the histrionic personality disorder and the antisocial personality disorder.
The ICD-10 (International Classification of Mental and Behavioral Disorders, published by the World Health Organization in Geneva 1992) regards narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as "a personality disorder that fits none of the specific rubrics". It relegates it to the category known as "Other specific personality disorders", which also includes the eccentric, "haltlose", immature, passive-aggressive, and psychoneurotic personality disorders.
DSM IV-TR criteria
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special"
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
The following was taken from the Wikipedia page on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and is not complete. If you would like to check out the site, you can Google NPD or you can check out Wikipedia's site at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the diagnostic classification system used in the United States, as "a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy."
The narcissist is described as turning inward for gratification rather than depending on others, and as being excessively preoccupied with issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige. Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness.
Classification
DSM-IV divides personality disorders into three clusters based on symptom similarities. This clustering categorizes the narcissistic personality disorder as a cluster B personality disorder, those personality disorders having in common an excessive sense of self importance. Also in that cluster are the borderline personality disorder, the histrionic personality disorder and the antisocial personality disorder.
The ICD-10 (International Classification of Mental and Behavioral Disorders, published by the World Health Organization in Geneva 1992) regards narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as "a personality disorder that fits none of the specific rubrics". It relegates it to the category known as "Other specific personality disorders", which also includes the eccentric, "haltlose", immature, passive-aggressive, and psychoneurotic personality disorders.
DSM IV-TR criteria
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3. believes that he or she is "special"
4. requires excessive admiration
5. has a sense of entitlement
6. is interpersonally exploitative
7. lacks empathy
8. is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Monday, April 20, 2009
THIS IS UNCANNY
http://www.bentbay.dk/How_months12.htm
JANUARY
* Ambitious and serious
* Loves to teach and be taught
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
* Likes to criticize
* Hardworking and productive
* Smart, neat and organized
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts
* Knows how to make others happy
* Quiet unless excited or tensed
* Rather reserved
* Highly attentive
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
* Loves children
* Likes to point out people's mistakes
* Loyal
* Needs to improve social abilities
* Easily jealous*
JANUARY
* Ambitious and serious
* Loves to teach and be taught
* Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
* Likes to criticize
* Hardworking and productive
* Smart, neat and organized
* Sensitive and has deep thoughts
* Knows how to make others happy
* Quiet unless excited or tensed
* Rather reserved
* Highly attentive
* Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
* Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
* Loves children
* Likes to point out people's mistakes
* Loyal
* Needs to improve social abilities
* Easily jealous*
DUNZO!
It doesn't matter. The same things can be said. The feelings you have for someone can be said, and as soon as you feel that way, you are just wrong for feeling them, even if they were said to you. It doesn't matter. It never did. I cared for nothing. I tried for nothing. I gave every effort to make things right, and try to forget, but the pain is still there. Because SOME people would rather say I am immature than take FUCKING responsibility for what they said or did to hurt me. How do I not have a right to feel hurt? How do I not have a right to be upset? How do I try to get a point across when some people can't be fucked to care? Why do I care? I DON'T ANYMORE! It is pointless. I hope life is good for some people. I hope 15,000 miles isn't as much of a distance as 9,000 miles was. But rather, I hope SOME can recognize that THEY need to grow up and actually care about the people THEY hurt, before they spread LIES and VICIOUS rumors about someone... to make them out to be wrong, when NOTHING I DID WAS THE CAUSE OF THIS, BUT GIVING MY HEART WHERE IT WAS MADE TO FEEL WELCOME! FUCK!
My whole thing was to give this gift, and walk away, in July, but no. I had to have this conversation, cos there were times he was completely cool, and other times he was a complete douche towards me. And so it bothered me, with the past hurt I felt, like... WHY??? Why do you think you can do things to hurt someone and then not take responsibility for what you do? And instead make the person feel STUPID for feeling anything in the first place? I'M SPEAKING IN RIDDLES??? YOU KNOW THE TRUTH! EVERYONE I TELL GETS THE TRUTH! I'M THE TRANSPARENT ONE HERE, REMEMBER? I THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED... AND I KNEW I WASN'T WRONG ALL ALONG! And everyone I talked to told me the same thing! Even his friends told me that they understood. But they took a side cos they were his friends. Cool. I get that. But CHRIST! He sits there and tells a version of this story to make me out to be this fucking FREAK! WTF???
I gave all my friends this lecture every time they said I shouldn't care. I was like, he isn't hopeless, just as much of a guy as he could be. No guy wants to say he is wrong. Or that he is sorry. He wasn't any exception. And yeah, he was young, and hadn't had the experiences in life. But where did he get that he could just hurt people and say fuck you! After he did that? I can't say he is the first narcissist I have ever met. And he probably won't be the last. And yeah, a little narcissism is healthy, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt because of his age, and I ALWAYS defended him, despite how I KNEW what he was doing. I STUCK UP FOR HIM to ANYONE I TOLD about this. Whenever they said, DON'T BOTHER! I still said, nah, he is really a cool person there somewhere. Cos I SEE THAT! But right now, I am sooooooo freaking frustrated. I feel like just throwing my laptop against the wall and breaking it into a hundred pieces.
I love my friends. I can't block the jerk. He can block me if he wants. IDFC! Wouldn't be the first time, and at least THIS TIME, I GOT SOME CLOSURE in the matter, rather than just saying... "Oh, just let him forget about me." WTF did you expect me to do??? WTH??? Yeah you lied... about a lot of stuff. I guess it was a bunch of lies from the beginning. Sad.
I will blog again when I get this lease finally. And I will definitely keep in touch here, if anyone is interested, but I am off Skype and other social networking sites for a while. I can't deal with IMMATURITY! I'm the one who needs to grow up???? I think it is the other way around. *breathes a sigh of relief finally. DUNZO!
My whole thing was to give this gift, and walk away, in July, but no. I had to have this conversation, cos there were times he was completely cool, and other times he was a complete douche towards me. And so it bothered me, with the past hurt I felt, like... WHY??? Why do you think you can do things to hurt someone and then not take responsibility for what you do? And instead make the person feel STUPID for feeling anything in the first place? I'M SPEAKING IN RIDDLES??? YOU KNOW THE TRUTH! EVERYONE I TELL GETS THE TRUTH! I'M THE TRANSPARENT ONE HERE, REMEMBER? I THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED... AND I KNEW I WASN'T WRONG ALL ALONG! And everyone I talked to told me the same thing! Even his friends told me that they understood. But they took a side cos they were his friends. Cool. I get that. But CHRIST! He sits there and tells a version of this story to make me out to be this fucking FREAK! WTF???
I gave all my friends this lecture every time they said I shouldn't care. I was like, he isn't hopeless, just as much of a guy as he could be. No guy wants to say he is wrong. Or that he is sorry. He wasn't any exception. And yeah, he was young, and hadn't had the experiences in life. But where did he get that he could just hurt people and say fuck you! After he did that? I can't say he is the first narcissist I have ever met. And he probably won't be the last. And yeah, a little narcissism is healthy, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt because of his age, and I ALWAYS defended him, despite how I KNEW what he was doing. I STUCK UP FOR HIM to ANYONE I TOLD about this. Whenever they said, DON'T BOTHER! I still said, nah, he is really a cool person there somewhere. Cos I SEE THAT! But right now, I am sooooooo freaking frustrated. I feel like just throwing my laptop against the wall and breaking it into a hundred pieces.
I love my friends. I can't block the jerk. He can block me if he wants. IDFC! Wouldn't be the first time, and at least THIS TIME, I GOT SOME CLOSURE in the matter, rather than just saying... "Oh, just let him forget about me." WTF did you expect me to do??? WTH??? Yeah you lied... about a lot of stuff. I guess it was a bunch of lies from the beginning. Sad.
I will blog again when I get this lease finally. And I will definitely keep in touch here, if anyone is interested, but I am off Skype and other social networking sites for a while. I can't deal with IMMATURITY! I'm the one who needs to grow up???? I think it is the other way around. *breathes a sigh of relief finally. DUNZO!
Monday, April 13, 2009
I DON'T KNOW IF THIS WILL EVER HAPPEN
I know, I am not giving up hope here, but I am seriously frustrated with the whole landlord and his lawyer asking me for ridiculous provisions to be added to my lease. I will not pay for repairs on his 50 year old wooden stick building should something break down. And I won't go back on promises I made, so why does he think he should be able to do so within the lease itself? I'm just frustrated. I need to be patient this week, but if he persists on being unreasonable and not forthright, I will be walking away in a hurry from this before I get into a fiasco situation.
Easter was pretty cool for me. I opted to not do the whole family thing. Everyone was going to my sister's house and it was a long drive to the house. So I was planning on staying behind to work on getting the place ready and clean to get opened as quickly as possible. Unfortunately that hasn't happened yet. So I decided to stay home, and relax, without any interruptions. It was actually nice. I got the chance to read, think, plan, pray, and just reflect on the past few months. I really don't get that opportunity as often as I'd like. So I took it.
Even if I go for a walk or a drive, I am consumed by deadlines, or having to go home to deal with the same situation I left. So Easter Sunday was just a day of rest for me. I won't be getting much more of those once I begin working 12 hour days, 7 days a week until I get going for a few months. And even then, the winter will begin, and business will be lower than in the summer months, so I will be doing it pretty much on my own then as well.
I hate thinking about all this stuff too much, I just have to let things happen if they are going to. And not worry about it as much if they aren't. It'd be nice to know what is going on, but I can't keep worrying about it, cos I will never get through the days if I do.
Talking to old friends, and new ones. That is a nice thing, always. It is sad when something happens to bring distance... or animosity, but ultimately, when you find yourself to be able to sleep at night, without remorse or regret, then at the end of the day, you are good. I don't want to go too much more into that, but to say... I will be able to sleep well tonight.
Sorry for the "code," I just need to get to sleep after watching the rest of this movie. GET REAL, FTW! I don't care how you get your hands on this movie, it is really good. Some would say it is a "gay chick flick." I say, "FUCK OFF!" At least watch it to appreciate it a bit, and don't be so quick to judge. I enjoy action or horror or base movies once in a while as well... so why shouldn't you expand your mind a bit and enjoy a dramatic movie?
Night all - or morning... Pray that I get this lease this week, and for less of a strain on a friendship I've been trying to foster as of late. K-thanx.
Easter was pretty cool for me. I opted to not do the whole family thing. Everyone was going to my sister's house and it was a long drive to the house. So I was planning on staying behind to work on getting the place ready and clean to get opened as quickly as possible. Unfortunately that hasn't happened yet. So I decided to stay home, and relax, without any interruptions. It was actually nice. I got the chance to read, think, plan, pray, and just reflect on the past few months. I really don't get that opportunity as often as I'd like. So I took it.
Even if I go for a walk or a drive, I am consumed by deadlines, or having to go home to deal with the same situation I left. So Easter Sunday was just a day of rest for me. I won't be getting much more of those once I begin working 12 hour days, 7 days a week until I get going for a few months. And even then, the winter will begin, and business will be lower than in the summer months, so I will be doing it pretty much on my own then as well.
I hate thinking about all this stuff too much, I just have to let things happen if they are going to. And not worry about it as much if they aren't. It'd be nice to know what is going on, but I can't keep worrying about it, cos I will never get through the days if I do.
Talking to old friends, and new ones. That is a nice thing, always. It is sad when something happens to bring distance... or animosity, but ultimately, when you find yourself to be able to sleep at night, without remorse or regret, then at the end of the day, you are good. I don't want to go too much more into that, but to say... I will be able to sleep well tonight.
Sorry for the "code," I just need to get to sleep after watching the rest of this movie. GET REAL, FTW! I don't care how you get your hands on this movie, it is really good. Some would say it is a "gay chick flick." I say, "FUCK OFF!" At least watch it to appreciate it a bit, and don't be so quick to judge. I enjoy action or horror or base movies once in a while as well... so why shouldn't you expand your mind a bit and enjoy a dramatic movie?
Night all - or morning... Pray that I get this lease this week, and for less of a strain on a friendship I've been trying to foster as of late. K-thanx.
Monday, April 6, 2009
WILL I STAY OR WILL I GO NOW?
Two days away, from finding out about my lease. This is the one hinge on which everything else swings from. If this guy signs the lease, I will be able to do all the rest of the stuff I have to get done. If he doesn't sign the new copy my lawyer sent him, I am completely screwed. I can't do anything after that. So now it is just a matter of waiting 2 days!
Damn "friend" of mine got a new scooter, so I was reminiscing about when I had my little Yamaha Zuma, and then they discontinued the model. So I looked up the thing on Google, and to my surprise, they brought back the ZUMA!!! Now I want one! But it is $2200 that I don't have, and would rather not finance right now because of all the money I am taking on this restaurant. I guess my e-mail asking Yamaha to release that model again, really helped! And I guess I will have to wait until next summer to get one.
So this is it, I'm hella nervous. I am like, sitting here waiting for this one thing. I am also sitting here preparing an outline of my first VLOG... It won't come until May or June, only because I will be wicked busy with this thing. But I will get it done and published! For now, I was trying to spend some time talking to someone, rekindling a friendship that I thought I had lost for good. Am I stupid for caring? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I can't wait for this awkward period to pass. There are a lot of things that we both find hard to deal with. But they are all worth sorting out, because the guy is really an awesome guy. I never doubted that about him. But for now, I don't even really want to talk to him, not on a call I mean. But I do try to instant message him when I see him online. He is really busy with all the stuff going on in his life. Which is GOOD! I can't wait to be busy again. It's been too long. I guess time is the biggest struggle in interpersonal relationships and business. I don't like to just sit back and let something happen, someday. I want to do something to make it happen! I guess I am driven and I don't think time will ever cooperate with me! HAHAHAHA
So, give me a bit before I report back what is going on with the lease. I have my brother and my brother-in-law coming and helping get the place ready. I have like... my whole family coming to help out where they can. I have friends I have worked for in the past who are coming to help me get my ordering and stuff done. I am completely ready for this. I can't wait! Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks! Would you like fries with that?
Damn "friend" of mine got a new scooter, so I was reminiscing about when I had my little Yamaha Zuma, and then they discontinued the model. So I looked up the thing on Google, and to my surprise, they brought back the ZUMA!!! Now I want one! But it is $2200 that I don't have, and would rather not finance right now because of all the money I am taking on this restaurant. I guess my e-mail asking Yamaha to release that model again, really helped! And I guess I will have to wait until next summer to get one.
So this is it, I'm hella nervous. I am like, sitting here waiting for this one thing. I am also sitting here preparing an outline of my first VLOG... It won't come until May or June, only because I will be wicked busy with this thing. But I will get it done and published! For now, I was trying to spend some time talking to someone, rekindling a friendship that I thought I had lost for good. Am I stupid for caring? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I can't wait for this awkward period to pass. There are a lot of things that we both find hard to deal with. But they are all worth sorting out, because the guy is really an awesome guy. I never doubted that about him. But for now, I don't even really want to talk to him, not on a call I mean. But I do try to instant message him when I see him online. He is really busy with all the stuff going on in his life. Which is GOOD! I can't wait to be busy again. It's been too long. I guess time is the biggest struggle in interpersonal relationships and business. I don't like to just sit back and let something happen, someday. I want to do something to make it happen! I guess I am driven and I don't think time will ever cooperate with me! HAHAHAHA
So, give me a bit before I report back what is going on with the lease. I have my brother and my brother-in-law coming and helping get the place ready. I have like... my whole family coming to help out where they can. I have friends I have worked for in the past who are coming to help me get my ordering and stuff done. I am completely ready for this. I can't wait! Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks! Would you like fries with that?
Friday, April 3, 2009
REMEMBER TO BREATHE!
A lot has been going on lately. Well, for starters, I was supposed to have my lease signed and stuff, but then the Landlord was going out of town and couldn't have the lease reviewed by his lawyer in time to sign it before he left, so that was postponed until April 8th, tentatively. In the meantime, I am reading the lease, as my lawyer drafted it, and it appears that she was writing it to the benefit of the Landlord instead of my benefit! There were like, really weird provisions and stuff in there where I was giving up rights, and taking on responsibilities that I didn't want to assume. So I called this lady and chewed her ass out! I asked her how in the hell I am supposed to go back to this other lawyer and say, "Sorry, that lease draft that is in your favor, I don't really like that, so here is one in my favor now. Is that okay?" So she said she would contact the other lawyer and handle it. This is freaking ridiculous!
Well, so I got all the stuff out of the way there for now, if this guy signs the lease now. But then I also signed up for a State/City Foodservice Management Sanitation Course. I hate taking tests. It is really bad on my nerves. This is a 2 day seminar, and then I have to pass these 2 tests right after that. And then I get my license to operate in the city. BUT I HATE TESTS! So here comes yet another wicked bad test anxiety. No wonder I only went to 2 years of college. It wasn't as bad with the writing, but the tests were nerve wrecking!
I have so many things going on right after I get my lease. I have to open a business bank account and transfer all the funds I have into that account. I have to apply for all the business licenses and inspections by the health department. I have to turn on all the utilities and check all the equipment that has been lying dormant for the past 4 years. And then replace anything that isn't working or isn't up to current code. I have to buy any additional equipment and small wares. I have to make sure the entire building is up to code as far as sanitation requirements. I have to contact food purveyors and set up accounts and also get all the paper products and sanitation supplies. I have to get my sign fixed, and all my advertising underway for opening. I have to pass all the inspections. And I have to pray that it all works at getting customers to come right off! If I can do all that, I will have a successful operation! I will have a grand opening special for 3 days... and if I can gross $3,000 per day, that is more than anything I could ever hope for! That will cover all my expenses for the first 2 months of operation in 3 days! After that, I just need to breathe!
There's a lot of stuff on my plate. But it is really when I am super busy that I am super content. I have my head focused completely on everything, and I work on adrenaline. I can't wait for all this stuff to start! FINALLY!!! MY OWN SUCCESS STORY!
Aside from all this stuff, I have been spending some time like, cleaning my car out, cleaning my house up a bit, and organizing space and stuff for when I get going, so that I can have stuff in place for me to be able to track my accounts from home, on my computer when I leave for the night. There is so much more than I even listed in this blog post, as to what I have to do. But for now, I keep making to-do lists, and order sheets and it just keeps adding and adding and adding.
May 15, 2009 is my projected opening date! If I can saturate my market, within a 3 mile radius on those first 3 days, I will completely rock.
Then there is the whole internet thing. I have spent some time talking to friends and stuff online. I will completely be spending much less time online once I get going for at least the summer months. I will still be on, but not nearly as much as I had been for the past 5 months. I got so lazy and dormant. And it wasn't a good idea to go from dial-up to cable internet, because it just made it easier for me to be online 24/7. Even when I wasn't on the computer, I was online... just ghosting or unavailable.
Also, a fantastic update for anyone who has been reading my prior couple months blogs, and all the sadness I have faced; I started talking to him again. Out of some weird e-mail in response to a video he posted on YouTube, he responded and we started talking. Then the next day we laughed and talked for 4 hours and it was as amazing as I couldn't imagine. There were initially some awkward moments, but we got to talk about some really good things, and clear up some other things. The next few days since that first good chat, were sometimes sad, and riddled with debate over stuff. I don't know him at all. And in my attempt to understand, he isn't really ready to let me in to understand. So here I am, cautiously optimistic, and here he is, still getting annoyed by my idiosyncrasies and then I am trying to walk on eggshells in an effort to not piss him off, and he is sometimes in a sour mood and not willing to talk. I am hopeful that our friendship will endure this awkwardness. I don't know how long the awkwardness will prevail, but again, I am cautiously optimistic. I have made plans to get him something... it is in process, more details to come, along with a vlog... which I am preparing. Hoping to bring a smile and perhaps a tear to his face. I don't know. He doesn't show emotion as easily as I do. He prefers to keep his emotions to himself, whereas I tend to wear them on my sleeve. Only time will tell. I do have an idea of what to expect to happen when I do get him the gift and the vlog, but that is also for another post.
Until the next update, thanks for wanting to know what is going on in my life. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this next couple months.
Well, so I got all the stuff out of the way there for now, if this guy signs the lease now. But then I also signed up for a State/City Foodservice Management Sanitation Course. I hate taking tests. It is really bad on my nerves. This is a 2 day seminar, and then I have to pass these 2 tests right after that. And then I get my license to operate in the city. BUT I HATE TESTS! So here comes yet another wicked bad test anxiety. No wonder I only went to 2 years of college. It wasn't as bad with the writing, but the tests were nerve wrecking!
I have so many things going on right after I get my lease. I have to open a business bank account and transfer all the funds I have into that account. I have to apply for all the business licenses and inspections by the health department. I have to turn on all the utilities and check all the equipment that has been lying dormant for the past 4 years. And then replace anything that isn't working or isn't up to current code. I have to buy any additional equipment and small wares. I have to make sure the entire building is up to code as far as sanitation requirements. I have to contact food purveyors and set up accounts and also get all the paper products and sanitation supplies. I have to get my sign fixed, and all my advertising underway for opening. I have to pass all the inspections. And I have to pray that it all works at getting customers to come right off! If I can do all that, I will have a successful operation! I will have a grand opening special for 3 days... and if I can gross $3,000 per day, that is more than anything I could ever hope for! That will cover all my expenses for the first 2 months of operation in 3 days! After that, I just need to breathe!
There's a lot of stuff on my plate. But it is really when I am super busy that I am super content. I have my head focused completely on everything, and I work on adrenaline. I can't wait for all this stuff to start! FINALLY!!! MY OWN SUCCESS STORY!
Aside from all this stuff, I have been spending some time like, cleaning my car out, cleaning my house up a bit, and organizing space and stuff for when I get going, so that I can have stuff in place for me to be able to track my accounts from home, on my computer when I leave for the night. There is so much more than I even listed in this blog post, as to what I have to do. But for now, I keep making to-do lists, and order sheets and it just keeps adding and adding and adding.
May 15, 2009 is my projected opening date! If I can saturate my market, within a 3 mile radius on those first 3 days, I will completely rock.
Then there is the whole internet thing. I have spent some time talking to friends and stuff online. I will completely be spending much less time online once I get going for at least the summer months. I will still be on, but not nearly as much as I had been for the past 5 months. I got so lazy and dormant. And it wasn't a good idea to go from dial-up to cable internet, because it just made it easier for me to be online 24/7. Even when I wasn't on the computer, I was online... just ghosting or unavailable.
Also, a fantastic update for anyone who has been reading my prior couple months blogs, and all the sadness I have faced; I started talking to him again. Out of some weird e-mail in response to a video he posted on YouTube, he responded and we started talking. Then the next day we laughed and talked for 4 hours and it was as amazing as I couldn't imagine. There were initially some awkward moments, but we got to talk about some really good things, and clear up some other things. The next few days since that first good chat, were sometimes sad, and riddled with debate over stuff. I don't know him at all. And in my attempt to understand, he isn't really ready to let me in to understand. So here I am, cautiously optimistic, and here he is, still getting annoyed by my idiosyncrasies and then I am trying to walk on eggshells in an effort to not piss him off, and he is sometimes in a sour mood and not willing to talk. I am hopeful that our friendship will endure this awkwardness. I don't know how long the awkwardness will prevail, but again, I am cautiously optimistic. I have made plans to get him something... it is in process, more details to come, along with a vlog... which I am preparing. Hoping to bring a smile and perhaps a tear to his face. I don't know. He doesn't show emotion as easily as I do. He prefers to keep his emotions to himself, whereas I tend to wear them on my sleeve. Only time will tell. I do have an idea of what to expect to happen when I do get him the gift and the vlog, but that is also for another post.
Until the next update, thanks for wanting to know what is going on in my life. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers this next couple months.
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