DELETE, DELETE, DELETE

Forget, haha! How do you forget how much someone has no empathy for your feelings? All those things, ALL OF THEM, in the blog below, define him to a T! It was sad, realizing those things over the past few weeks. And the entirety of the "final straw" was me being confrontational about all the things he did. It was time for me to find answers. And I tried as hard as I could to not be abrasive when I did it. I wanted to find a way to talk to him, but as soon as I said anything, NOT SO MUCH AS AN APOLOGY. Not a single sincere word of feeling bad for anything HE WAS responsible for. The lies he told, the whole thing, it was continuous. And from day one, to the very end, he lied about so much. I could really care less about his lies to me, but he lied ABOUT ME to EVERYONE he knew. HE PUT THIS PICTURE of me in EVERYONE's face that was full of lies. EVEN AFTER, all this stuff happened, and I was trying to be protective of him from someone I felt was DANGEROUS, he blew up on me. And after blowing up, he still hadn't deleted anything I was added to as a friend on his social networking sites. I was so sick of the characterizations though, so I went ahead and deleted him from EVERYTHING. It took me close to an hour, to go through all the networking sites I had visited and added him to, and all the friends we mutually had on our contact list, because he had FUN TELLING THEM lies about me too. So, I just figured, I needed to just finally say that I was done with the lies, the insensitivity, the hostility, the being blamed or made to feel like ANY of it was my fault, despite me trying to blame myself for it in any chat he and I had. I didn't want him to think I was blaming him for all of it. But then he just started slinging the same slanderous lies. From the start to the finish. He saw my last e-mail to him, telling him I had deleted him from everything. And then I blocked him from the only thing I had left. It was my e-mail account that I had held open for him to still contact me with. And I blocked him from EVERYTHING.

I've known a few narcissists in my time. Sadly they just drain you of your emotional energy. He keeps telling people that I tried to take ownership of him, or that I am some pervert who wants him for sex, when I NEVER BROUGHT SEX INTO A DISCUSSION WITH HIM in all the times we spoke. I joked with my friend that I never even asked him what he preferred to be in bed... or how big he was... or whether he was even cut or uncut. I NEVER BROUGHT THOSE QUESTIONS TO THE TABLE!!! Because I didn't see him as a sexual thing. EVER.

He tells me in his e-mail that he never cared how he makes me feel. He didn't care if I was sad or whatever from what he did. He also says that he never liked me. So from day one, he lied. And I responded plainly that I was glad to have had this chance to know who he really was, and that I was glad that he wanted nothing more to do with me again, because it was sort of a relief to me. I didn't have to wait until July, to give him what I had promised him. He released me from my promise finally and firmly. So I feel no obligation to fulfill it. And I DELETED HIM! And he probably feels like, he has the edge. He will never be half the man I am. He will never have any significant relationships with someone which will last because he finds fault in people and blames them for his own insincerity.

Yeah, I have known many a narcissist. And each time, you find this charismatic, fun loving person. They are natural born, outspoken people who attract a crowd of followers. And when one of them falls short, they fail. They are cast away. And they are from that point forward, lied about, spat upon, kicked, ridiculed, and left for dead. Who cares? Nobody can be fucked to bother! Nice way of living life. I just could never do it. Thank GOD there are fully not many people in the world like him!!! Because the world would be such a better place with a few less narcissists. The only character or personality which I believe is worse, and I have only met one in my life, is an antisocial personality. These are often referred to as psychopaths. And just a step down from them is a narcissist.

They will never stop believing they are as great as they are. And they will never have an ounce of feeling for anyone. It is just the way they were programmed. I wish there was definitive help to give a narcissist. But what narcissist would want to come down from the pedestal they have put themselves on, in order to come down to reality and realize they are no better. And often times, worse than anyone else around them. Therapy is pointless for this very reason. You can't convince anyone that they are wrong if they don't like being confronted with their faults. They don't believe they have any!

THIS is the first day of my life. So glad I never even met you. I went out in the rain and everything changed, because my tears flowed down my cheeks. Yours was the one I thought I saw, when I looked out across the future. And when you finally showed me what it feels to be destroyed I found my feet, landing back on solid ground. To every person it takes a breaking point and finally I have found, that maybe this time it is different, I mean I really know you hate me.
sing to the melody of "first day of my life" by Bright Eyes

And now I deleted you from my contacts, maybe you will become the man I hoped you'd be. And if you ever feel a bit of empathy for anyone but yourself, there are some who will hold you higher than you ever thought you would be. As for me, I'm looking forward at my life, free of exhaustion from my complete disgust of you and all you are at this moment. And I hope to never hear from or see you again. And that opinion has changed so much over the past WEEK! I expected to let you just do your thing, and walk away for a while after July. It ended up just being an early wake up call to me. I can walk away now. And neither one of us has to feel weirded out by the other anymore.