DUNZO!

It doesn't matter. The same things can be said. The feelings you have for someone can be said, and as soon as you feel that way, you are just wrong for feeling them, even if they were said to you. It doesn't matter. It never did. I cared for nothing. I tried for nothing. I gave every effort to make things right, and try to forget, but the pain is still there. Because SOME people would rather say I am immature than take FUCKING responsibility for what they said or did to hurt me. How do I not have a right to feel hurt? How do I not have a right to be upset? How do I try to get a point across when some people can't be fucked to care? Why do I care? I DON'T ANYMORE! It is pointless. I hope life is good for some people. I hope 15,000 miles isn't as much of a distance as 9,000 miles was. But rather, I hope SOME can recognize that THEY need to grow up and actually care about the people THEY hurt, before they spread LIES and VICIOUS rumors about someone... to make them out to be wrong, when NOTHING I DID WAS THE CAUSE OF THIS, BUT GIVING MY HEART WHERE IT WAS MADE TO FEEL WELCOME! FUCK!

My whole thing was to give this gift, and walk away, in July, but no. I had to have this conversation, cos there were times he was completely cool, and other times he was a complete douche towards me. And so it bothered me, with the past hurt I felt, like... WHY??? Why do you think you can do things to hurt someone and then not take responsibility for what you do? And instead make the person feel STUPID for feeling anything in the first place? I'M SPEAKING IN RIDDLES??? YOU KNOW THE TRUTH! EVERYONE I TELL GETS THE TRUTH! I'M THE TRANSPARENT ONE HERE, REMEMBER? I THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED... AND I KNEW I WASN'T WRONG ALL ALONG! And everyone I talked to told me the same thing! Even his friends told me that they understood. But they took a side cos they were his friends. Cool. I get that. But CHRIST! He sits there and tells a version of this story to make me out to be this fucking FREAK! WTF???

I gave all my friends this lecture every time they said I shouldn't care. I was like, he isn't hopeless, just as much of a guy as he could be. No guy wants to say he is wrong. Or that he is sorry. He wasn't any exception. And yeah, he was young, and hadn't had the experiences in life. But where did he get that he could just hurt people and say fuck you! After he did that? I can't say he is the first narcissist I have ever met. And he probably won't be the last. And yeah, a little narcissism is healthy, and I gave him the benefit of the doubt because of his age, and I ALWAYS defended him, despite how I KNEW what he was doing. I STUCK UP FOR HIM to ANYONE I TOLD about this. Whenever they said, DON'T BOTHER! I still said, nah, he is really a cool person there somewhere. Cos I SEE THAT! But right now, I am sooooooo freaking frustrated. I feel like just throwing my laptop against the wall and breaking it into a hundred pieces.

I love my friends. I can't block the jerk. He can block me if he wants. IDFC! Wouldn't be the first time, and at least THIS TIME, I GOT SOME CLOSURE in the matter, rather than just saying... "Oh, just let him forget about me." WTF did you expect me to do??? WTH??? Yeah you lied... about a lot of stuff. I guess it was a bunch of lies from the beginning. Sad.

I will blog again when I get this lease finally. And I will definitely keep in touch here, if anyone is interested, but I am off Skype and other social networking sites for a while. I can't deal with IMMATURITY! I'm the one who needs to grow up???? I think it is the other way around. *breathes a sigh of relief finally. DUNZO!