IT'S BEEN TOO LONG

I'm truly sorry for not having posted a blog to this page in such a long time... I usually love to write, but have been distracted by circumstances at work, and home. I finally said good bye to a MAJOR PAIN IN MY BEHIND - both at work and at home (he was renting a room in my house, along with his "girlfriend" and their daughter). Good riddance, drama queens - THE LOT OF YOU!

Then business has been steadily consistent for the past months. Which is not bad, but it isn't really all that good either. I mean, I don't mind the stability. But what sucks is that we just can't grow much in the space we have. I have been talking to some people about that. There is a bigger building in a much better location in town for sale. It has a good parking lot, good space, GREAT location, but the issue is the money it will take to purchase the building, and then to remodel it! There is a government guarantee for 80% of the purchase price, so the down payment would be 20%. But then there is the remodeling, and such. This is where the six figures comes into play! Between $150,000 - $250,000 all told. And that is a lot of money.

Now there is someone who is possibly looking to become my partner, which means I would give up some control in the business, and that's okay with me if we can grow! Our sales volume will quadruple or quintuple with this location! I can expand my menu, and we can make the place snazzy! 50's style diner with bright neon lights, huge street visibility with a lit up sign and just plain good food! And the guy who wants to partner with me is just as committed to our success as I am. Everyone comments on the food here with PRAISE! Which is so amazing to me. I feel humbled by the praise. But I am still struggling with the threshold we have reached. We are not to the place where all my needs are being met for the restaurant and my own personal bills. I hope to get to this point before next summer.

The cart business is growing. I originally started parking in front of the high school, but they are addicted to McDonald's for some crazy reason! So instead, we are still taking the cart out, just to local factories for their lunch crowds. It is like, once a week at one factory, once a week at another, etc. This is better, cos they won't get sick of eating hot dogs every day! :-) But then we can also do catering jobs now! Last week, we had a party of 60 people for gyros and Italian beef sandwiches, and we were GOOD! Not only did that party go well, we got our name out there, and we got another party (bigger) out of that booking!

I also looked into advertising at the Comfort Inn down the road. They are the biggest hotel in town, and they are possibly going to list us in their guest directory. This would help our delivery business.

So, all in all, business is steady, but we are optimistic about the future! I have always been a visionary, so I try to imagine where we could be instead of where we have been. I try to picture where we can go instead of where we are right now. And I pray! I pray daily! I pray HOURLY if I can! And I trust that the light at the end of the tunnel is not just a mirage. (and I play the lottery once in a while)

I still, haven't forgotten tehdancingfool. :-/ I still care deeply. I pray for him as well. And I pray for his hardened heart to be softened someday.

Thanks for anyone who cares to read the latest news of my so called LIFE! :-) It's good! And the people in it are for the most part, decent! I miss some, I think about many, I can't stop racing to meet all the obligations of this business (taxes being the biggest, followed by utility bills) and then I try to get here to fill you in on the rest! I do think about writing more... but I have been spending a little more time journal writing with my daily devotional time with God. So, sorry for not getting here sooner.

Have a great day! Come again soon! Tell all your friends! Love ya!

YEAR ONE!

It was a funny movie! But we are actually coming up on the end of our first year!!! It has been a challenge! It has been worth it! I feel a bit more accomplished! We are moving ahead with a new enthusiasm because of our expansion with the trailer! And we are doing all we can to stay for another year!

They say that 85% of all new businesses die within the first year, and 85% of those businesses that succeed the first year, die within the second year. We hope to be one of those 2% that will last for the next 10 years! The economy has taken a bite out of our business, but it hasn't been able to kill us! We are still struggling, we have since we opened. It is still a small town, but we are paying our bills! And as long as we are doing that, it will be no problem as the economy gets progressively better!

I have faith, that is undying. I have a lot of good customers who are very supportive of our efforts, and they love our food! And the encouragement I am getting from my family and friends is amazing!

I haven't blogged a lot recently, sorry all. Been trying to stay busy at work. But I am always on facebook! If you'd like to become a fan, feel free! http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dixon-IL/TOAO-NIKOS/107171285988945

I CAN...

There was a song that we used to sing at Sunday School. It was a great message.
I...
I can...
I can do...
I can do all...
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me!

It is great to know that without Him, I can do nothing! But with Him, and by His grace, I CAN do all! It is what gets me through the hard times at work. It is what is getting me through this summer, when business is typically a little slower. It is what makes me KNOW that the $3,000 I need to come up with by the end of the month will be there by the end of the month to pay the tax bills. And I KNOW that He is able to do EXCEEDING, ABUNDANTLY!

I know that all I ask - He gives. I never need anything. Because I know He is there to provide for me!

It is great having this faith. It's like, I'm a child of God! Not just any God, but the God of CREATION, and the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob. This is the same God who parted the sea for the Israelites to walk across. This is the same God who fed manna and quail to the Israelites when they were wandering in the dessert. This is the same God who tore the temple walls in two! This is the same God who allows the sun to rise and set every day. He knows the hairs on my head, and the seconds I will live. He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. He loves me! And His GRACE is sufficient for me! If all the world crashes around me, I know that I am still His son, and that is sufficient for me! It is the one thing that I am certain of! And it is the one thing that brings me peace in the middle of all the storms in my life. Because at the end of the storm, I know who was there all the time, making sure I would get out of it ALIVE!

I have lived in abject poverty, I slept in horrible places, I had addictions I am in recovery from, I have done things that were so completely ridiculous, I SHOULD BE DEAD! But today, I am more alive than I have ever been. Because I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST!

100th BLOG POST

Wow, I can't believe I made it this far in keeping a journal. I usually give up after a few months, despite my love for writing! This is my 100th BlogSpot post and I am excited to give whoever reads it GREAT news!

First of all, we are coming up to our 4th of July weekend. This is going to be a great week, leading up to the 4th, as our country celebrates Independence Day. We will have our town's carnival/fair across the river at the park. And despite our not being able to attend and participate this year (they "couldn't make room for us"), we will be very busy in the restaurant and on the street, vending! It will hopefully be a fun week of CRAZY SALES AND BUSINESS VOLUME GALORE!

Second, after a lot of waiting, we finally got approved for our contract with the park district to put our food trailer on the park property directly across from the High School beginning next fall! WHAT AN AMAZING OPPORTUNITY! We will increase our sales volume by at least $4,000-$6,000 a month! Which is FANTASTIC! Not only will it increase our volume, but it will increase our ability to stay afloat for the next winter season, and beyond! We are also able to take that trailer to outside events or festivals which will also generate some MUCH NEEDED revenues! We will finally be able to show something of a profit! Our first year was, indeed a difficult one, and with a little over 2 months to go before our first year will come to a close, I project a break-even analysis. Which is GOOD for a new business. We need to come up with something extra tho, in order to pay off our outstanding debtors.

I have had to ask mom for help along the way, and it will be nice to be able to go for a while now without asking for any more help. She has always been there, supporting and encouraging me. And without her, I don't think we would be here today.

It has also been wonderful to have all the prayers and support and encouragement from friends and family! God is good! And He PROVIDES for our every need! I've been blessed again, and again. And I don't forget those who have asked God on my behalf for the help He has given. I've tried diligently to keep my head strong even in the darkest times this past year. And at every turn; at every disappointment, I was brought to a wellspring of joy at the end of the trial! Thank you GOD!

Today, is my 100th post on here, and I am happy to say that all those people who I have always thought of through the writing I have done over the past couple years, I still think of DAILY! I never forget those I cared about. So yeah, I will never forget you, and if you need to know how that is, just look inside your heart, and know that I never left. :-)

I am going to wrap this post up. It is coming up on 3:00 am and I need to get some sleep. I've been working 70-80 hours a week for the past couple months, turned over a lot of staff, and am finally finishing up on training with the new people. It was a difficult transition, but MUCH NEEDED! I hope you all have a great time with your summer (winter for those of you on the other end of the world...) and take a dip in the pool for me, I really have NO TIME! :-) Happily following my dreams and hopes! Blessed at every corner! Love you all!

THIS IS A TEST

I've been analyzing my life over the past few months. I've been putting a lot of energy back into a firm foundation I had as a kid with my God. And I've been pretty confident that this is where God wants me to be. I know that my life has been pretty much a roller coaster of life's ups and downs. And at the lowest points, I have always relied on God to pull me out of the circumstances I was facing at any one of those "low" moments. But I am now, at an all time high! I mean, right now, I am facing some financial difficulties, and you would think I was at one of those "low" points, looking at my circumstances. But instead, I see it as a moment - once again, to trust in God for His providence. I see it as a moment to sharpen the steel, or remove the dross in my life. I see it as a defining moment, where out of the depths of this moment that should be devastating, I should be giving up, but instead, I am rejoicing.

I have been in places in my life where being alone, I had nobody to turn to. I had one choice. I have always been the one who had only himself to count on. And in my weakest moments, I turned to God and He brought me through out of what I consider, "pity." Yeah, my God had PITY for me. My God had pity for my circumstances and helped me because I asked. And I was grateful! Don't get me wrong. But now, I have others that I can rely on to help me. My mom has REALLY supported me through this whole trial and business start-up. But more so, I know what God has in store for me. It is more than anything I could face alone. It is more than pity that He is giving me here. It is a test, of sorts, to see if I can really rely on Him instead of others or myself. And on the other side, I know that I will be victorious in my faith, in my reliance on Him for my needs. Even when I am failing, He will never fail. Even when I don't listen to that still, small voice, I am confident that He is there, drawing nearer to me for me to hear Him better! His grace is sufficient for me! His love is never ending! And He wants the best for His children (of which I am one)!

I don't fear the outcome of my life circumstances right now. It is a time for me to meditate, to pray, to be drawn closer to His side, to make sure that I am not doing something that is displeasing to Him, and having been made righteous in His sight, because of what Christ did on the cross, I am able to come to the THRONE ROOM of heaven, right in front of the GOD of eternity, and know that He hears my prayers. I am able to be comforted by His Spirit and I am able to know what I need to do to get through each and every circumstance that is LESS than favorable. Even those most trying times, even those huge failures, even those moments when I am sad, or frustrated, or disgusted with what "life" is throwing at me, I can rest assured that my victory is secure! It's His gold, and it's His silver. He can bring business to me at His pleasure. There are 30 churches in this town! More than half of the people in this town profess a saving faith in Christ as their savior and lord. So if God wants to bless me, HE WILL! And when it does happen, I WILL KNOW - IT IS GOD! And at the moment that I rise, He can knock me down again, to show me that IT IS GOD! :-)

Until the day I die, I want these tests to bring me closer to Him. I want these tests to sharpen me. I want these tests to make me know that I have nothing to do with what is going on in my life! It's all HIM! Grace - undeserved kindness, is all GOD GIVEN! And I trust in God's grace to continue to follow me, all the days of my life!

ASSETS & LIABILITIES

Over the past few weeks, I've turned over the longest holding staff I have had since we opened. First it was one kid who has worked for me and lived far from the restaurant. He drove into town from about 45 minutes away! He found a job closer to home. Then I caught one of my employees giving friends of his a discount on their food (stealing)! So I terminated him on the spot! (I had wondered how my inventory was so low all the time for some time, but never had any indications of who was responsible) And then most recently, one of my employees who was laid off her previous job got a call back and decided to take the job for the insurance benefits. She was a loyalist who told me that she would be here for 7 years (the amount of time I joked with her about how long it would take to pay off my mortgage on the building.

Now I am searching for new employees, all the candidates of which, I have a hard time dealing with as very few of them have any simple math skills to tell me what the change would be given from a $20.00 bill if the amount due was $16.45 and what 1/3 of $3.00 was! How can people be graduating from secondary school with no third grade math skills?

They also don't have foodservice sanitation licenses, which I was hoping to have in SOMEONE who worked at the restaurant so that I can have a legitimate day off! Someone who is a licensed foodservice manager has to be on all the time. And besides going to the store and such, I have to be there every day! Which I don't really have a problem with as such. But this past year, my mom took a spill and broke her leg, so I would have liked to go visit her or something. As I believe I wrote in a previous blog post, I sent two different employees to the sanitation class, and the one who passed the test ended up not working for me any longer, and the other, couldn't pass the test!

So now I am heading into our summer season with no trained employees. I am heading into this new week with one friend of mine, and a new trainee. I am completely screwed. And again, I am frustrated. It has to work. I have no other choices. I need to make it work! I am going to keep praying for help. And knowing that God will provide. I guess the good thing about this loss of employees is that I am able to save some money on payroll, and catch up on working! It is going to suck completely, having to work harder instead of smarter... but I will make it through. This fall we will hopefully have enough to start our food trailer operation at the school and factories. And by next summer, perhaps have some better trained employees who will actually STICK with us, and be loyalists!

Something is wrong with this generation. You have a 15% unemployment rate in this area, and you are still able to steal from your employer, or job hop from one place to the next with no loyalty to your employer. Those employees who leave voluntarily, I have the option of rehiring if I wanted to. But if someone is going to leave me for another job, why would I consider taking them back? They WASTED my time and money to train them so they could go elsewhere. In my darkest moment, we get to the point where we HAVE to catch ourselves so that we don't fall. The economy is poor, but we can struggle through it and end up on the other end of it, with a LOT of great things! I look forward to this moment. When our sales are up, our payroll and expenses are lower, and we are actually making a profit, rather than borrowing money from mom to get through the next month.

IDEALS

I have this movie collection. It is actually less than I once had. I used to have over 1,000 dvd's in binders which I used to bring to the Salvation Army in Massachusetts to have movie day, once a week in the winter. They had a movie day once a week, so they didn't have to go face the harsh weather in the winter, so I brought my laptop and some speakers in for an after lunch movie theater in the cafeteria for them.

Anyways, someone stole my binders one day. And I was out my thousand movie collection. And have since started rebuilding my collection, which isn't nearly as big as it was.

In this collection I have the complete series of the West Wing. It was a portrayal of the President of the United States and the ideals and dreams of the American dreams and leadership roles of those who worked with him in the west wing of the white house. There are moments of victory and moments of defeat. And it shows the undying loyalty of those who wanted to keep fighting for the best of the best for those who they served. They were visionaries. They were dreamers. They were people who had a legacy they wanted to pass on to future generations. And I watch this series non-stop every time I get a bit frustrated with business. I watch this series every time I need to re-educate myself on leadership roles, and I watch this group of people who want to leave a legacy of greatness for future generations.

I learn a lot from those who have led me in the past. I watched my managers at restaurant chains I have worked at and gain something from them. And I try to incorporate those ideas, and I try to incorporate their work into my own. Obviously, when McDonald's started, Ray Kroch (sp.?) didn't have any idea of the multi-billion dollar industry he was about to encounter someday. Even Portillo's hot dog shack didn't recognize the great hot dog seller he would once have. But yet, today, there are no better places with which to get a burger for a buck or a hot dog the "right way!"

And even amongst the giants in the fast-food world, they all had humble beginnings. I am humble now. I am giving my blood, sweat and tears every day and wondering if we will succeed or fail, triumph or defeat, win or lose. And I know that on the other side of this challenge, on the other side of this poor economy, on the other side of this next couple years, we will come out better for just trying!

Michael Jordan (Chicago Bulls) said that he failed 1,000's of times before he started winning. And those 1000's of times we will fail, those 1000's of practices, those 1000's of times we fail will help us to make the right moves to start the winning game. To take the lead, I need to be inspired and motivated. To win, I need to keep my head in the game. To win, I need to focus on the past and bring to the table, those things that make us all winners. I was reading a scripture passage, it was really great, it said something to the effect of "God will be there to give you everything you need! And when you have everything you need, you will be able to give generously of that which you have excess." I look forward to that! I know it is His to give! I know that we will be there!

I look to the West Wing - for the ideals and the motivation to be a visionary. To be a leader of those who work for me. And then I think, who do I look to when I want to learn who I want to be? I wonder what type of person I want to be and I remember the greatest commandment given by Jesus. It was simple, "Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as you love yourself!" And I look to Jesus, as a representative of who I want to be like! He fed thousands at a time. He brought wine to the wedding feast! He gave to all - those things that they needed. And yes, he gave them enough to share with all those who needed it! And that is the type of leader I want to be. I want to be one who relies on God's providence. I want to be a winner. I want to know that I will be taken care of, to exceeding abundance. And it will happen. And I want to love God, and love people.

So I look back at those leaders I have had in my life, and I remember Dave Broome, and Bill Newman, and Bill Giovanetti, and I remember my friends, Mike Gorr, and Brian McLaughlin, and Sam Knottnerrus, and I look at the great love which they had for God and for others, and I want to be like Jesus, as they were like Jesus. I know this is the way. There is no other, in living my life, in conducting my business, and in experiencing complete joy, by living my life - loving. And that is it.

I was listening to a Christian radio show one day, and there was this caller who called in and I think he was all of 15-16 years old. He said, "It's about Jesus, and nothing else!" And those words, are what I want to fill my life with! At the name of Jesus, one day, every knee will bow, and every tongue confess, that He is LORD!

Sometimes, my blog posts are a bit "preachy!" I DON'T CARE! I am not ashamed of who I serve! I am in love with my God who loved me first! And I will share that love story with anyone who will listen!

CRUSH!

Ok, not the orange or varietal of drink, and not the song by David Archuleta which I already blogged about months ago. A couple days ago, I dropped my phone in the bucket of sanitizer water at work. I looked down at the light in the water and my stomach dropped. I knew this was going to be costly. I don't have insurance on my cell phone. In 6 years since I had this provider, I have never carried insurance, because I am not careless with my phone and they are pretty durable. I don't even know what I was doing to just drop it. But there it was. I took it out, tried to dry it off, followed the advice of 6 different people saying to let it sit in rice. But it was not helping my situation at all. The buttons were all fried. So I went back to the US Cellular Store in town and renewed my contract early, and found a touchscreen Motorola Crush phone! It is nice, and easy, and I am still getting used to using it. It isn't super duper flash, but it was only $100. I wasn't about to get a phone without a qwerty keyboard, and the buttons were just as much as the touch screen. I will probably feel the lackluster of this phone will do me for a year and then get bored of it, as usual!

I am slowly getting closer to Tax Season. Every month we pay sales tax to the state, and every month we pay our withholding tax to the Treasury department, but quarterly, we need to file all our paper work and such, and now it is year end tax time, so I am sitting down with my accountant tomorrow for a fun filled few hours of logging all the stupid general ledger info into a balance sheet and walking out with my shirt, if at all possible.

I need this guy to make something happen for my mortgage to work. I hope I can qualify for it. I am nervous as hell about not being able to make it work. But even if it doesn't, I am going forward with my trailer plans for the fall. I am going to do well in July with the festival in town. And if that works, it works. If it doesn't, it doesn't. We'll just have to find a new plan for the next year.

I still want to help out a friend but he still hates me for some I dunno reason why.

If we get somewhat ahead this summer, I will still be able to do what I need to do to help. But I still have mortgage notes, insurance, taxes upon taxes, and the end of the year isn't nearly over. I need to keep working on this business to build it. This town is small but we are getting people coming in from neighboring towns as well! I always said that if everyone in town were to come in once a month, I'd be a millionaire! This town would definitely be in for a treat with a BIGGER "TOAO NIKOS!" And it will happen. Someday.

As I am ready to sell it all and walk away, I will be happy to take a rest for 10 years and just do NOTHING! lol

Perhaps a beach in FIGI!?!?

MATT STOUDT!

Tonight was the benefit for a friend of mine here in town. He was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer, which spread to his brain. He is terminal. He was sent home a week or so ago for his hospice care. He is turning 21 tomorrow. His life has been cut way too short for someone who is so gentile. I feel badly that I couldn't get to know him better. We spent some time at Cathy's at night, playing cards, or chess. Coffee at Cathy's at night is like, pretty much the only thing to do if you don't drink in town.

So tonight we celebrated his life. It was a really awesome benefit. I got to go around and sell raffle tickets for a few hours. I raised about $300 for him, and then they announced the 50/50 raffle winner, and the winner decided to donate the winnings back to the benefit fund. How amazing is that??? I am just back home for the night, looking at my emails and catching up on missed twitter messages.

I'm really looking forward to the "PETUNIA FESTIVAL" this year. I know it sounds cheesy! But it is the town celebration for a week long here in Dixon. There is a bit of a carnival on the park lawn along the river. And hopefully we can set up a food booth selling soda, chips, nachos, hot dogs, polish sausage and NIKOS' t-shirts and hats! Not to mention our first annual HOT DOG EATING CONTEST! All in all, if the weather is cooperative, I think the whole week long event will help us out with some much needed income that we missed out on last summer because of our late start.

I don't doubt that we will make it this summer. I just wish it was faster, coming. I know it is still the last week in March, and summer is just around the corner, I just wish I could speed through spring! Time to take a breath and just enjoy the seasons. I am nervous about the whole mortgage thing. I know I need make that happen this year to take advantage of the whole 10% thing from the government. But whether I will qualify for the mortgage is another thing. So that is my focus and my only prayer right now.

It's a long way away from the goals I have set. So, I need to keep working and keep my head out of the clouds. I was looking this week at another building, and it was really great looking at the possibilities! It had MORE SPACE, MORE PARKING, MORE TRAFFIC, MORE POTENTIAL, and MORE EVERYTHING, but it was about 10 times the amount of the building I am in now, and it would probably be 10 times bigger! But I just am not ready yet. We'll get there, but in time. Little by little, we will get our ducks in a row and be ready for that expansion someday. I can't look beyond this year for now. So that means, summer, fall with the trailer and school season, and winter with the slowest point of the year before next spring rolls around again and we do it all over again! If I can see one trailer this fall and next spring, and the following summer, then we can pay down some of our debt next summer and have an even BETTER 2011!

2010 is our year to hold back the reigns and work in a strict budget. In the next couple years we can let go a little more each year, but this year has got to be disciplined.

Keep me in your prayers for the mortgage. If I need to come up with any significant down payment, I will be really desperate for that to get it done in time for the federal rebate. I don't want to throw away $6,750 in free money! Have a great new week! We are going on week number 31! That is amazing! Thanks for all your well wishes and prayers!

A LITTLE CART!

Long ago, and so far away, I was a wee lad of 10 and there was this guy who pushed his little cart down the street, selling out of it, hot dogs and polish sausages. I followed this guy every day, thinking that all I wanted to do in life was just that! And I hope to be able to do that this year! Well, not walking block to block, and not with a small cart alone, but with a little help from my buyer's rebate for the purchase of my house, I will have enough to have my trailer built to specifications I need to meet the health codes of the county! Not only that, but I will have a place to put it and a market to put it to work for me! I intend on parking it on the green, right in front of the high school, so that at lunch time, the kids can come out, get their dogs and chips and sodas, put some money in my pocket, and good food in their stomachs before they hustle off back to class!

You see, we are less than a mile from the high school, but until now, we had no way of gaining our market share to those 900 kids who attend! They trek across the street to Domino's or to McDonald's or to Subway. But the journey to TOAO NIKOS' is too far to make there and back within the half hour they have for lunch. So we have a great downtown location, just not close enough to make it for that extra lunch boost.

Now, with the wonder of the Park District, and their allowing us to park our trailer in the park adjacent to the school, we can now share in that market! So this coming fall, I hope to have my trailer built! Equipped with a double steam table, a cooler, a chip rack and the Dixon Purple and White decals I plan on loading onto the sides of the trailer, I hope we can make the next winter season a lot easier to deal with, financially speaking. All we need is for it to be just a little easier. I am not asking for a lot! But this little padding through the winter months will really help us grow.

Next fall, we can do the high school, and pick back up in the spring months. Then we can have the summer months in the parks for Junior Tackle or Soccer. Beyond this year, we can begin by getting another food trailer for the new river front property. Perhaps an enclosed trailer with more amenities. Then the building next door, and the remodel! Either that or one of the many buildings on the major street Galena! That would be sweet. A parking lot. A great possibility of even looking into the future prospect of a pool hall with the restaurant attached. All a part of the growing business I want to have! All a part of the beginning dream of the 10 year old kid following the push cart vendor, long ago.

How does this start? The money it is going to take to get the trailer built, will come from my rebate for the first time home buyer program! If I get my mortgage on my house, I will get 10% back from the government for the starting capital for this venture. My prayer is only this, that I get my mortgage approved. Beyond that, I know that Jehovah Jireh! THE LORD PROVIDES! I believe that this is going to work! I believe that God has continually blessed me with each and every day that we have made it through this past 8 months! And now, I know that all this stuff is just going to work!

The Apostle Paul said that, "We know that all things work together for good, to those that love God; to those that are called according to His purposes." Another translation is even better, "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."

So I believe! And I know that despite my best efforts, all my blessings come from God! Because if I start relying on myself, I know I will screw it up somehow. I will be discouraged and fail. But by faith, I believe I can do all things from God's strength! And that alone will make this work! Even if it isn't in my time frame, it is going to be in God's!

For all that writing, I hope you all get a sense of where my faith is. It isn't in easy believeism, but rather in work with faith! I know I can't let myself free to let God do something if I am not working to do it myself. But I am doing all I need to do to let God work through me.

I hope everyone out there gets something from that. And now I will go finish the movie I am about to watch, and rest up for tomorrow! It is going to be another busy day! And I need to be ready for it!

Good night all!

JUST A BIT EASIER?

I'm glad I have been able to blog a bit more lately. I love writing when I am in the mood. Over the winter, I just haven't been in any mood to write. It's the winter blahs. I guess it was heightened by the whole, business slowdown. I am really hoping that business will pick up like I expect. I have a lot riding on the success of this business. And I really need to see my sales increase a bit more.

If it was just a bit easier, if I didn't have as many mistakes from employees, or if just some people were less inclined to drive through the golden arches and instead, find some GOOD food at my place, maybe I'd have more of a fighting chance! I really do pray every day. I have to take the time to thank God for all the blessings I have. I also have to just keep in mind that whether or not I am worrying, the bills are still going to come due, and eventually get paid. I am still going to have the same amount to pay for my utilities, mortgage on the restaurant, house rent (until I get the mortgage note on that), taxes, etc. And worry isn't helping it get paid any faster.

I put up $2 a week on a lottery ticket. I have this crazy notion that if God wanted to bless me somehow, I was going to give him a way to do it! So every week, I slap my two bucks down and hope for a miracle. That is what winning the lottery is, right? In the meantime, I have to check my deposits and spending every day, as I write my sales summaries to send off to my accountant for month end tax reporting and such.

And now April is coming up, and end of year taxes will be due. Along with quarterly taxes coming due, I will see how much I will be behind really soon. And then the whole issue of the housing mortgage approval. Will it happen? I don't know. It is my prayer that somehow, a little bird or a whole flock of birds will whisper in some people's ears in this town that my food is better than McDonald's and worth the wait. Fast food can't just be fast and cheap, it has to be good quality, which McDonald's just doesn't compare with me over. When you have a bunch of pimple faced kids working your grill, you can kind of expect that you will get what they grow themselves. Years ago, McDonald's was putting horse meat in their burgers. It was a bit of a fiasco for the food chain, when they got caught. Anything to keep costs low, I guess.

I never want to think like a chain. Even if I ever do expand to open other stores someday, I want people to know that we are a very personable experience at every turn. We aren't just another store number with profit as our only interest. If only it was just a bit easier to get there.

Couple days left for the month. We aren't doing all that hot this month. I hope April shows some improvement. And I hope I get this mortgage for the house. THAT IS MY PRAYER!

"Be still, and know that I am God!" - God

I WON!

I hate traffic cops. I hate their attitudes, I hate their demeanor, I hate their power trips and their egos. I can see why most people have a bad taste in their mouths about these people who are there as public servants who wield their badges and pretend they are "all that," when they are just normal citizens who are there to help people in need. But when you combine that with our criminal justice system, and you give them the license to stop drivers at their whim, it gets a bit more ridiculous.

I got a ticket for not wearing a safety belt a couple months ago, and the cop stated on the citation that when he stopped me I admitted that I wasn't wearing one. I called him a liar, and told him that he misconstrued my statement to him when he stopped me. Within 24 hours of that traffic stop, ANOTHER cop from the same agency pulled me over as I drove out of my driveway, and asked if I was the guy who called his colleague a liar. When I told him I had, he issued me another ticket for some bogus traffic violation!

So then I go to contest the ticket in court, and the Assistant State's Attorney decides he is going to dismiss the ticket for the seat belt violation. This of course, leaves the officers who made the original stop not have to appear for the other case, so I had to subpoena those officers so they would testify that they had, in fact, discussed my case with their colleagues and that was the reason for the second officer's stopping me. It cost me $46 for the subpoenas and I had to drive 40 miles each way to have the county sheriff's office deliver the subpoenas where the police station was. In the meantime, none of the officer's appeared in court on the trial date and the second was dismissed for the fact that there was no witness against me. Now I feel a bit vindicated. I don't have a stain on my driving record. But it was inconvenient for me. The judge said he couldn't award me with the compensation for the cost of the subpoenas AND he agreed with me it was ridiculous that they could bring a charge, and I could be inconvenienced, and I could not recover that cost. But such is life.

At least I am done with that idiocy. Cops are corrupt. I live in a small town, and instead of patrolling the state highways, or helping people as they are hired to, State troopers in Illinois are stopping people for their own ego-maniacal chances of strutting their stuff, with their large brimmed brown hats and their puffed up heads.

This one didn't go on my record. I have not had any moving violations in over 10 years, and now I don't have to pay any higher insurance premiums due to their idiotic show.

I fought the law, and I WON!

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!

It is a beautiful, sunny, warm day in Dixon, IL today! It is March 17th, 2010. It is one year, two months and 18 days since I met the one person who means the most to me in the world and he is 10,000 miles away, without an ounce of thought on his mind about me.

I still think about him. I still wonder if he ever thinks about what he did to hurt me. I still wonder if I will ever meet him someday and have a coffee, like we talked about. I still wonder why I fell so hard, and so fast, but I don't regret a thing about it. It just happened. I just did. And I'm glad I did.

I still think he is an amazing person, and I hope someday he sees the same in me. If he never does, I'll still care. I'll still be here, wondering. I will breathe the same air as I have all this time. I will still work at the restaurant day in, and day out. I will still work on this house, which I have now begun to refer to as "the money pit." I will still pray every day for another day. And I will still keep on keeping on.

I do, love him. I know it's weird, not knowing someone, but there is just something so special about this guy. He is a complete piece of work right now, but someday he is going to be beyond that idiocy. I hope he will. And I hope someday, our paths will cross, so that he can take a closer look at one person who will be here... loving him... despite himself.

Have a Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody! Eat a potato! (in Greek, that statement is really funny! "Fie mia patata")

DRIVING

I think I drove 300 miles today! I started at work this morning, then drove to Morrison, which is about 30-40 miles one way, then back and then to Rockford, which is another 40 or so miles the other way. Then on my way back, I got lost, took a wrong turn and ended up going about another 50 or so miles out of my way. It was, indeed, a fun drive. And I'm not just being sarcastic. I enjoyed the time away from this small town. Driving through the other towns in Illinois, and seeing all the fields and such, along with farms and factories; old farm houses that look abandoned, others which look well ready for the spring crops. And in another 4 months, they will be sky high with corn and soybean crops. But the thing that gets me is the people. While Rockford is pretty much the biggest city within 100 miles, you can see all these little towns across the state where nobody has a neighbor for miles! Even in the small towns, you can still count how many houses are around with pennies of a dollar! So, me coming from a big city like Chicago, I get the sense that I am still pretty much alone in this small town.

Business has been steadily growing. The weather has been a bit rainy, but there were some days of complete sunshine! And it is going to get up to 60 (F) by this weekend! So it appears that spring has sprung. I have some menus to get out there for the March and April specials. And we have kids coming around on Saturdays to do that. My sales still aren't quite as good as I hope for but I anticipate a good summer, nonetheless.

Now for forward thinking: New Zealand - someday, still. I hope to get far enough this year that I will have enough to take the trip come next February. It will be the tail end of summer down there. So my winter will be filled with sunshine in the middle of the dead of winter. I don't know for sure, because I still don't know how the summer is going to measure up... It is still my first summer, after all. But that is the hope for now. I am also hoping for a good cart season this fall! That is also dependent on the whole house thing, and whether I can get the mortgage for it in time.

Damn, I just printed a thousand menus and I already need more toner cartridges? I need to start stocking up on those. Color menus are really classy. I like that I have not skimped on quality. Even though I have a small place, it is big on taste, character, and style.

I guess I should wrap up this post for now. I have to get some sleep, and I have a bit of a long day tomorrow. Humpday is not my best day of the week, but it can make or break us for the week.

Hope all is well with you. Whoever reads this. Love you all for all your prayers and well wishes.

HALF A YEAR!

It's been a bumpy ride, and we are reaching the 26 week mark of being open. I can't believe we have made it through this winter. It was really harsh. It still gets cold, it is the middle of February still, and we have another month to go before the spring really hits. I have seen my sales drop from like near $20,000 to a little over half that a month. And I am only hoping that we get back to the $20's. Only because we opened in late August and our first full month was September. It was so close to $20,000 that month, and if we can do between $20-25,000 per month for the summer months, we will have a better chance of enduring the winter next year.

I am working on my contract on buying the house. That should hopefully be done by mid April. And we will hopefully be closing before mid June. That should get me my rebate check from the Government for the 10% stimulus package the President put out last year. And that money will go for my food trailer to park in the park across from the high school for lunches! That will totally make my winter soar! We will have an extra $2,000 a week from September - November and March - June! And then next summer, we can get going on a second trailer for the football and soccer games in the park or the riverfront property.

No word on expanding our current location yet. We have a lot to do to make it to that point. Financially, I have a lot of debt from the business mortgage, the equipment loan, my mom, and my property in West Texas. Not to mention the whole student loan thing, and just a bunch of other bills. Now I will have the house mortgage, and upkeep on that, plus all the property taxes every year. I can't anticipate doing any more property acquisitions for another couple years when I can pay down some of the debt I already have. The good news is, instead of paying the $500 a month rent on this house, I will be paying down it's mortgage and building equity in it. Not to mention, the economy is slowly getting better, which means the house will appreciate in value over the next couple years. By the time I put a new roof on it, and redo all the trim in the house, and perhaps remodel the upstairs a bit, I am expecting a 200% ROI for the house (ROI=Return on Investment).

This week hasn't been so bad. We have actually had a pretty seasonal week, no nasty weather, despite being a bit colder at night, and occasional snow flurry, we aren't doing badly. End of month is always difficult for me because I have to come up with the next month's rent by the first. But it all comes together in the end. That's the good thing about having faith. It all just seems to work out in the end. And it has taught me how to be very disciplined in my money management.

I've grown a lot over the past 6 months. But I haven't lost sight of all the goals I started with. And they are actually working out. This month has been a bit weird, as my car is becoming a bit of a nuisance as I now need a new battery, and a new tire for one that I replaced on my car. Fortunately I had a spare in the trunk, unfortunately, it hadn't been used in all the time I had the car so it was out of air. Fortunately, it was not leaking, and quite fortunately, it was not a monkey spare. So I have been putting that off a bit, before I had to replace it. And then there was the whole stupid seat belt ticket I got from the state trooper. The dork was an idiot and wrote on the ticket that I admitted to being guilty of not wearing my seat belt and so I called him a liar. Then the next day, I pull out of my driveway, and I get pulled over by ANOTHER state trooper, and he gives me another ticket, and asks me if I was the guy who called his friend a liar! What a bunch of crap! Now I am going to court in March over both tickets. Fighting both of them, of course.

So mom just told me that next week we will be in the 40's. And that will be all good! Snow will melt! And maybe we will pick up business a bit. I need to get up to about 85% - 90% of average. Then if we can get up to 130% by summer, we will be SET! It was really cool, these ladies came in today for lunch, and they prayed before they ate, and they prayed that our business would succeed! That was so cool. I'm not the only one praying for that now.

I should be off for now. It has been a long day, and tomorrow is payday. Saturday we have a team meeting, and I want to get some stuff done tomorrow if I can. I wake up sometimes too late to do all I want to do during the day, so tomorrow I am hoping to wake up at like 7 am. Goodnight! And thanks for all your prayers this winter, Jehovah Jireh!

HIBERNATION

It's been a good month of slow business. Probably a bit more. We have had our worst month yet, and I was completely at my wits end until talking to my family. They will help me out with taxes this month. Come March and April we will be back on track for a healthy summer. Plus we are getting new business from the surrounding towns. I just need to keep focused on the present. And keep my head above water until then. I am used to living in Chicago where inclement weather doesn't hinder business volume, but rather helps it! People shop and eat when it is bad weather. Here they hibernate more than anything! It is a rural community I guess. But it is picking up since the snow has melted and rain has started coming down. So I am happy about that.

The numbers need to pick up so that I can afford my house down payment tho. It will be about $7,000 come June. Plus the food cart, I have an appointment with the Park District this coming Monday. So that should be a good revenue creator. I hope you all will stay tuned for the upcoming exciting news this summer. It has been slow and coming but it will be better. Faith has brought me this far, and faith will lead me home.

I also wanted to wish someone good fortune on his new journey to Sydney, Australia to study dance with the very prestigious Urban Dance Center. I hope finances will go well for you as well in procuring enough in donations and grants so that your parents are not hit hard by the tuition and board to the school. Best of luck to you and good fortune in the land down under!

Also, a bunch of best wishes to another friend who will be presenting on television in Ireland on RTE for a youth show. Congratulations on your continued success! And great blessings for a bright future in whatever your path takes you to!

Until next time, have a great couple weeks. I hope to blog soon, but I have to deal with year end taxes and putting it all together with the accountant. So I'll see you soon.

WE NEED BUSINESS!

I have seriously never underestimated the value of business volume until now. I am slowly feeling the water cover my nostrils as I am trying to keep my head above water. Today, was not the best day, and this week hasn't been the best week. Mom says she will help me get through this winter period, but I am like, close to death as it is.

I am just dreading the $3,200 in bills this month, with our sales the way they are, and our food and payroll is rising because our sales are diminishing, and then there are about $3,000 in taxes due this month. Not to mention next month being a shorter month (28 days) with about $3,200 in bills again. Now, mind you, that $3,200 includes my rent, gas, electric at the house, but they are all incorporated in me operating this business so, they all add up every month.

My hardest months are here and now. And I am slowly feeling anxious about the spring. The Quizno's right behind me is way behind in paying their food distributors and they may be closing soon. This is not something I am happy about, I don't delight in their misfortune so that I can gain, but at the same time, I know that this time next year, I will be better prepared (hopefully) with a good summer.

I do keep that Psalm in my heart, and pray it constantly, "Be still, and know that I am God!" And I know that we are going to pass this hill. It just really is an anxious time. Thank you, God, for Xanax!

Love you all. Pray for our business volume to increase!

IT'S JUST SILLY, ISN'T IT

So, this past week we gave away $500 to a family that was displaced by a house fire. It was a good feeling. Business has been down because of the holidays and because of a couple really crappy BLIZZARDS! It seems that I am shoveling snow a lot these days.

We will make it this winter, I've determined. Despite having our pretty much suckiest month to date, we still managed to pay all the bills (with the help of mom, as usual) and yeah, we anticipated $70,000 in sales for this year and we have SURPASSED that goal! Our payroll was way over budget, and so was our costs on stuff, but that is being adjusted. And as our sales increase, those percentages will diminish.

The silly I spoke of in the title, was in New Zealand, of course. What else could be more silly than someone on formspring, thinking that I am someone talking to them anonymously and referring to me in the way they did. And then being stupid about it. I mean, wth? If I ever give anything to someone it is out of my heart, not based on anything you do or say. And it is without any expectation of your "friendship" and as if, AS IF I would want any friendship from someone who just consistently makes me feel like crap for nothing I DO! When have I ONCE hurt you dude? NEVER! When have I once LIED about you? NEVER! When have I ONCE held you accountable for your own actions or lies or bull crap? NEVER.

I don't really care. New Zealand is still going to be my vacation destination, and perhaps a place I would consider living someday, despite you! And fortunately, not everyone is like you. Inconsiderate, and full of themselves. Sadly, if you don't grow out of your narcissism, it will become pervasive throughout your whole life. And that would definitely be sad. Some good qualities are really going to be overshadowed by a big pile of shit. It's just silly, isn't it?

*someone sent me a comment asking what my twitter was, its toaonikos =)

FIRST SNOWFALL

It's December 8th, and I was up at 4 am shoveling snow today, and salting the sidewalk outside the restaurant. It was nerve wrecking, seeing snow coming down, wondering if we would have any business today. It has been slow, but not completely dead yet. I dread this winter, and I dread the week ahead as we are facing more snow coming down tonight. With or without snow, we have the same bills coming due every month. The only thing that changes with volume is food cost. Obviously, food usage is lower if there are less customers, but the percentages of the other business expenses then tend to rise.

Today is the "first" day of my winter, and I am fully praying that I can make it through the next 4 months or so. And beyond that, I have another 6 or so years to get through the payoff of all the restaurant major loans. I feel like I am in a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock. (sorry about that, old acting class)

Today I pray, tomorrow I pray, the day after that I pray, and I just keep on keeping on. The success or failure of this restaurant has always been based on God's providence alone. And so, I leave with that. And away we go, I need a sled! :-)

MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING

This past week has been a bit fun. I had a ticket to see the touring company from Second City Comedy Club in Chicago; they came to Dixon to perform at the community theater. So that was actually a packed crowd of about 1,000 people all conservative religious republican types. And Second City is notorious for creating a stir with its liberal viewpoints. They were making fun of racists, homophobes, and republicans. And the audience was laughing at the jokes about themselves! Then there were two guys who had a full on stage kiss, and I thought the guy who was in his 60's sitting next to me in the audience was going to have a heart attack (along with others in the audience who felt as strongly about man-on-man kissing)! The ultimate was when there was a comedy skit of a Border's Bookstore check-out line and there is this guy at a counter who was trying to buy a book. The lady behind the counter was telling the guy that the whole idea of sequels is stupid. And that this one was horribly bad. She told him she wouldn't even let him buy the thing, and told him to go find something else. When the next lady in line asked what book he was trying to buy, the response was "The New Testament." To which the audience actually "booed!" I was in heaven, I think!

I don't know about most political stances in this town, I try to remain neutral to religion here, and sports is another taboo subject. As a business owner in town, I have to maintain a low profile, which is becoming increasingly difficult to do because I was never one to hide my opinions.

On a lighter note, this weekend is going to be an amazing one! I get to officiate my first wedding! I get to join two people in wedded bliss! I get to pronounce two people as man and wife! And I get to hold the pen which signs the document which joins two souls legally and eternally! What an amazing thing. I finished my script today for the ceremony. I had a chance to sit down with the bride and groom for a few hours to go over the details of the ceremony and it was pretty cool. I pray for their future. I pray for their success. And I pray that on Saturday, the weather will actually be better than the weather man predicted. I went out and got some new clothes to wear, and I am just excited about it because it is my first one. I do hope they work out. When I was talking to the bride, and found out they had only met a few months ago, I asked her what she thought about that, and she said the right thing to me. It was exactly the same feeling I have about someone. And they are blessed to know each other. They gel. And so I am glad to do it.

Taxes are due this next couple weeks so please folks, if you are reading this, pray that we can get some extra revenues at the restaurant so that we can make it work for the next month. As it is, I am low for the ranch property and may have to ask mom for help with that this month. I hate asking her to help. I dread asking. Every month I am trying to cut here and there, but then I place my food orders and I can't get my food orders to come out to less than what it is. And my utilities and taxes just keep coming. Yeah, this has been my dream since I was a small child. And yeah, I just wish summer can come as quickly as possible so that my sales volume can increase. But in the meantime, I am relying on prayer and God's providence. Night for now. =)

TWITTER!

I do tweet. I admit it. I am not addicted, like some. I tweet now and then. I am amongst the very famous Oprah!, Ellen!, Martha Stewart!, Ashton Kutcher!, Demi Moore! and such, and of course, there are people all over the rest of the world who tweet! I have friends in New Zealand, Ireland, England, Canada, they run the gamut of the world. And they are all really cool people. A while ago, almost a year now (December 31st), I met this really cool person. And we talked for a wee bit, and I just thought so highly of this person. And we got into this fight, or it wasn't even a fight, per se. But we stopped talking. And I never let this person leave my thoughts. And we started talking again after some months, and then we just stopped. And despite my trying to make things comfortable when we talked again, we just didn't gel. So yeah, I have continued to follow on twitter or youtube, but the person hasn't really made any new videos in a while. And about 2 months ago, I decided to follow this person on twitter again. Well, the other night, they decided to follow me back. And I was petrified. I thought for sure they would block me, straight away. And I was pleased that when I sent a direct message, they responded that they wouldn't block me. :-) So today, I remember the person I met back in December and appreciate Twitter. It is yet another cool way to quietly remember, and perhaps someday reintroduce yourself to someone you care about. And the story continues... day to day... week to week... month to month, and ultimately, year to year... if I ever do decide to sell this place (which I hope to do in about 7-10 years), I will definitely be moving to New Zealand to retire, open a coffee house, and I dunno, maybe say hi to an old twitter friend. :-)

HUMPDAY

It's Wednesday, again. And with it, comes our hot dog special with fries and a drink for $2.85 which is a great price. But it comes with not much money at the end of the night in the register. Yesterday we lost phone service because some moron building a road dug into the fiber optic lines. We lost a lot of business because we had no phones all day. Today, we have HUMPDAY special and I soooo need to pay these damn taxes still. Every month I have over $1,000 in withholding taxes and another close to $1,000 in sales taxes due. I need to get through this winter. Please GOD! Help me get through this winter and into the summer. Then we can rock out all summer! God willing we will ROCK the bank next summer. God willing, the weather will be sunny and clear every day next summer! And God willing, we will come into the autumn months with a bit more padding for the next winter.

I love it, don't get me wrong. I love the people. I love the food compliments. I love the people who work with me. I love it all. But I could do without the taxes, and I could do without the kids who want a job but don't want to work when I need them to. It gets to be crazy when I have like a few employees and one of them has something come up and has to call off or something. Then it is like pulling eye teeth to get someone who wants to cover the shift. Or when someone try's to pull a "Ferris Bueller" and say their grandmother is dying. Having a friend call and pretend to be their mother. It is funny though, because I did the same thing when I was their age.

I love it all, just please God, help me out here. Put the customers in the building, the money I need in the register, and the bank balance in the black.

Love you all. <3

BEST DAY YET!

Today we completely scored! I made enough today to pay my quarterly taxes that I needed to come up with. There was no possible way I could have done it, except we just got featured in the Dixon Living Magazine with a 2 page color spread and some VERY kind words! I mean, we couldn't afford something like the thing they put together for us, but we got it for FREE! Thank you to Sauk Valley Publications for the most beautiful piece of work on our restaurant and the rave reviews!

So yeah, tomorrow night we go to 3 am! Tomorrow, if it is anything like today will be another record setting night! I am back to feeling confident in what we are doing here. GOD PROVIDES! My mom and I have totally been praying for that, and it has totally been provided. The timing was just golden. I was like, completely at the end of our rope, and just like in Matthew, when we are at the end of our rope, if we let go, He will catch us before we fall. That is when we know what an awesome God He is!

Anyways, long day ahead, so keep praying for me, and thanks for that. I love you all!

PS Happy Halloween!

:-)

WHAT A CROCK (OF CHILI)

I had the chili cook off today. There were a grand total of eight chili cookers including myself. I was excited, thinking I had a pretty good chili. Not to mention that people were commenting that mine was the best they tasted. Well, we didn't win. Now, I'm from Chicago where we buy votes. So I was giving away free fries with my chili, and where I even bought 300 extra tickets so that I could win the people's choice award! Well when all the tickets were sold, after selling about 28 quarts (liters for those of you on the metric) of chili, they said I only had 450 tickets in my jar from tasters. I don't really believe this. The first place person (a local bar) had 675. Anyways, I didn't feel really good about having lost after spending a great deal of time and money in the competition. But I won't be bitter about it.

Small towns are difficult to maneuver in. I just let go of a really good employee. But he had a short fuse and I couldn't have him flipping out in front of customers or other employees. So despite his really good heart, and despite his "bust his ass" mentality for the job, I had to ask him to leave today. He cried, and I felt so badly. He is expecting a kid, and we hung out a few times together. I just couldn't keep him the way things were going. So that, is one of the few things I just don't like to do when I am a business owner, letting go of people who you grow to care about.

I don't know what else is going to happen this fall/winter. I just printed another 250 menus for the November 1st break out. We changed some of the prices, and I deleted those things that just weren't working for us. I changed the hours. But now I am out of printer ink (again). My laser printer is really getting used well. I still have a couple thousand dollars in bills coming due between rent on the house, insurance on the business, the federal tax bill, the payroll, the mortgage. But I still have one week to go for some I have two weeks. This coming weekend is Halloween and we are staying open later at night on the weekends for the bar crowd. That is both scary and exciting. I hope we do really well. I can completely use the thousand dollar days on Fridays and Saturdays, and I hope that will be the case. It will make up for all the winter months coming up. I can also use some more delivery business. I have some people who drive in from the neighboring towns now because of my french fries. And one lady who has a lovely English accent told me that she can never call them fries, but rather CHIPS. I smiled, thinking of New Zealand again, and of course, the hope of building this business over the next few years and selling to move there.

I still think of JL. Fool that I am. And I hope the dance academy coming up this year will feel proud to have one very gifted addition to their new class.

I'm off to bed. I need sleep. Long day today, but then, all of them are longer now. I can't wait for spring and summer to come back. Love you all!

TAXING! CHILI? WINTER BLAHS!

It is getting darker earlier. It comes with the season. The sun sets earlier and earlier every day. It sucks for me especially because I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a mild depression which is caused by vitamin deficiencies when there is not as much sunlight. So come winter, I get down in the dumps. That with the uncertainty of life, and the future of the restaurant's success. I get to that funny feeling now and again like, not so much energy pumping through my veins as just the "winter blahs." It leaves me once the spring hits and the sun starts coming up earlier again, and staying later. And once again, I have a new "spring" in my step.

A couple days ago, I went to the accountant's office to pick up my payroll and find out how much was due on my taxes this month. It came to about $2,700 and I was flat broke. My mom TOTALLY helped me out this month. But she is also helping my brother out with the down payment on his new house. And I am happy she helped me out (AGAIN) and all. But I would like to get this restaurant to be self sufficient. This was the first quarter, and the first quarter is always the hardest. And the bad thing was this quarter was only through September. So now the next quarter taxes due will be in January for the months of October - December. I have some time and stuff, but then again, the next 4-5 months are going to be slower than usual. I need to pace myself and get my sales up.

We are going to be open starting October 31, until 3 am to cover the after bar rush. That is exciting! I also went over to the county jail trying to get a contract for one or two days a week of feeding inmates! That would be like an extra $300 - $700 a week in sales just from the JAIL! But those inmates would eat really good! Right now they get pizza, McDonald's, and other local restaurants. So we would be like a weekly or a twice a week treat for them.

We make our soups fresh, and the other day, I had my soup chef's wife drive them around town to the office buildings to give out, to advertise our daily soups. We also have a chili cook-off this Sunday! So hopefully I will win the people's choice for chili! Next month we have a cup of chili and an order of fries for $4.00 including tax! What a deal!

The other thing is we are getting more and more delivery orders, which is REALLY good! It is just a word of mouth right now with the advertising. We have tried radio, and news paper ads, but those just don't seem to work. And our telephone book ad looks really nice. So I hope that will work a bit for us. Deliveries and the whole variety we have on our menu should help us survive over the winter. But it is all just a long forecast that I hope will bring us over the top by next summer. When we are doing over $35,000 per month! I will be HAPPY! We need some hooks! If anyone has any ideas for marketing strategies that I may try, send them to me in a comment or something.

Until next time, love you all!

DEATH AND TAXES

The two things that are certain in life are death and taxes. I know what they mean when they say that now. This month, I have about $3,000 in tax liability due. So I am nervous about that today. Actually, I have been nervous about that for the past couple weeks. For now, we have completely been stocked since we opened. We never once ran out of ANYTHING since we opened. Which is a good thing. I never want to inconvenience anyone by running out of stuff. I have worked at places like that before. And honestly, the way people leave when you run out of stuff is horrible. So we have consistently been getting compliment after compliment every day on the food. I had a couple hiccups along the way with some staff, but those things are going to happen.

I have a new roomate (border) who has a puppy pit bull. I have no problem having the puppy, but damn thing pissed on my carpet a couple times and on the couch once. That was enough to keep her OFF THE FURNITURE completely. I love dogs. It's been a while since I have been able to have one. I grew up with dogs all my life. But then I moved in an apartment when I was 15 and couldn't have one since. Although we did sneak one in at one apartment complex I lived in when I was in Marietta, Georgia. It was a beautiful black and white Siberian Husky with beautiful blue eyes. Her name was Dakota, and she was our baby! I still think of Scott Lorfing once in a while. Last I heard he is living in Florida with a wife and who knows. That was a long time ago. And some memories are better left in the past.

Today I need to go to Sterling to talk to the accountant about these taxes and pick up my payroll checks. I am still nervous about writing those checks. But for now, I am good. Business is a bit slower now that it is getting colder, but we are still steady. Indian Summer is coming up on us hopefully soon so we can get one more boost before the winter months. We have Halloween coming up and then Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Following that, we have nothing until March or April. Which is why I am looking into this Pool Hall thing. It is full of possibilities. I just need to find the additional $60,000 in financing if it takes even taking a partner on so that we can make it work.

It will work. It is a good location for this type of business. But for now, I need to get going. Have a good day. I know I don't get to get on here as often as I like. Please stay tuned! :-) Love you all!

FIRST MONTH

So, yeah, first month is over. We made it this far. I am just figuring out how much I owe in sales taxes and withholding income taxes, and also federal and state unemployment taxes. It is coming out to about $3,500 due in October. I am looking forward to being able to write the check! We are also opening on Friday and Saturday nights until 3 am! This is gunna be awesome cos all the bars in the area close at 1 am. So we will be doing well there, plus, we are advertising football trays for Sunday's and Monday Night Games. A tray of Italian Beef for 95 bucks or a tray of 20 Chicago Style Hot Dogs with a tray of Cheddar Fries for 55 bucks or a tray of Caesar Salad for 35 bucks! Sunday is my slowest day, so this will make it worth staying open until the end of January!

We are really doing well! The blogtv thing is also a bit gimicky, but it keeps all the employees on their toes as far as keeping their cursing to a minimum. Everyone who tunes in online will be able to see us just operating live! Go ahead and check it out if you want. www.blogtv.com/people/hawt_dawg If you have an account, if I am online and looking over at the computer I will say, "hi!" Otherwise, we will just do the same thing every time. Stay busy!

I need to keep my employees happy with their hours. And so far they are really good at doing all they can to keep up with everything. They are really committed to the success of the restaurant. But they are counting on me for their livelihood. So I have to keep working every day on the best ways to increase our sales so that I can make the payroll work for us. Right now we are at about $5,000 a week in sales, which is like 25% more than I had figured in my business plan! So that is AMAZING! Once we get open for the bar rush and start doing these football trays, I am hoping to get to $7,000 a week or better.

Not to mention our catering orders! We have had a couple party trays go out already, and that was exciting as HELL! We need to keep that up! Everyone has been really positive all throughout the town. Like, EVERYONE comes in and tells me that the food is GREAT! They come in from friends referrals and tell me that they have heard nothing but good things about us, and it is all so humbling. I get choked up when someone comes in EVERY DAY and tells me that my food is GREAT! EVERY DAY I get more and more compliments. And we are doing it all really right!

The last two guys who had this place did like 1/3 or 1/2 of the business volume that we are doing. And we have room to make it even better. We will. Thanks for all of those of you who have been praying for my success. You are all really cool for giving me positive reactions during my planning and development phase. We are finally coming together and we look like we pretty much know what we are doing. It really is rewarding to own your own business. But I am quite tired. I am working 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. And it isn't like my pockets are bursting at the seams yet. I can barely pay my own rent. But it's coming together. Stay tuned to updates. Love you all!

SOOOO BUSY!

We have been open for like three weeks, and I have been sooooo busy! I have 6 people working for me now, so I depend on them for so much! They are really committed to the success of the restaurant. And people LOVE my food! I have had a LOT of regular customers who come in EVERY DAY! It has been absolutely THRILLING!

Someone told me that I couldn't afford to buy an IPOD itouch, cos I needed money for silly things like "Bins!" Believe it or not, "Bins" are not my biggest concern, but rather my payroll! My employees all need to get paid, then there is taxes, for payroll, medicare, and social security as well as unemployment insurance, state and federal, and also workman's comp insurance. INCREDIBLE how much and how fast it all comes and goes every month. We are doing really well tho. Despite me working from 7 am til 11 pm every single day. Gyros, fresh cut fries, homemade au jus for my italian beef sandwiches, chicago hot dogs... fresh soups made daily, salads, appetizers and just a bunch of really great stuff on my menu and nothing but compliments.

I love you all, and I am sorry for not having been online in a while... and yes, the bins are bought, but the IPOD is still coming, I just need to make sure I can pay my payroll first! Patience! :-)

I CRIED A TEAR!

Today, two weeks since my last blog, and a bit over 3 weeks since I bought the building, I am ready to open! All I have left to do is to get the health inspector in here Monday or Tuesday, and I think I am ready for him! Everything was a bit expensive. I probably overspent a LOT! But when it is all done, the place looks AMAZING! I looked at it today, after we finished screwing in the last piece of drywall and the last screw into the potato cutter for the home-cooked fries, and I started tearing up. My life long dream of opening my own restaurant is finally come to fruition. I am finally realizing my own dream. It was a long road, working for other people, and frustrated by the lack of money from doing so, or from not having the freedom from being my own boss. Now I am looking at this place, sitting on my wireless in the restaurant, and looking out the big plate glass windows at the traffic, people passing by and waving and honking their horns at their anticipation of my opening. And all the equipment in here is shiny and new. Everything is stocked, everything is set up! And nothing more needs to be done. It is finished. Pictures on the wall of Mykonos, Athens, and the Aegean Sea, from the Gyros company, and other photos of Chicago Hot Dogs, Chili, and the Soups I will be selling, and above the clock, three family photos. Mom (since without her help I could never have financed this project), Dad who passed away in '99 and my youngest brother, who passed away in 2000. The place exudes confidence. I, on the other hand am a nervous wreck! I had to let go of 2 of my already hired employees for integrity and attendance issues. That was sad. I hated having to say "You're fired," but it had to be done. I had a bad feeling about stuff, and I just couldn't open up with negative thoughts so quickly. The other 5 people I have will do well here.

Tomorrow I am going to go and put in some wall studs at the house, for the dry storage area, and that area is also looking pretty darn good. Three weeks, about $80,000 all total, including the building, equipment, labor and initial bills, and in just days, I will be saying hello to my first customer.

If I died in my sleep tonight, I would die a happy man.

COUNTDOWN

I have been non-stop working in the restaurant this past week. I start my day at 8am. And work until like, 11:00pm? Then I get home in time for a quick shower, and sleep. It is exhausting, but the progress is really coming far! Yesterday we completed all the plumbing, gas lines, and electrical work we needed to do barring one outlet that we need to drill through a brick wall to put in. But today we have so much more cleaning. I have a couple people coming in to help out.

I haven't been discouraged by anything thus far. But I am running out of money so fast. I was a bit concerned last night when I was reviewing the bills. And my brother called last night on his way home, saying I looked discouraged. I just told him I was anxious. I am quite nervous about all the equipment fitting in the space I have for it. But more than that, I am nervous about the money. I am also QUITE nervous about the whole menu and staffing expectations I have. I mean, do I have too much on my menu for such a small place? Do I have enough people to work so that we aren't providing crap service? What am I supposed to be doing here that I am missing? I pray that the health inspector will pass me without major issues. That would really be nice.

Countdown T minus 30 days.

SPECIMEN

What a weird word. Yeah, it is a bit scientific. Its connotative of a sample of something. I was talking to a friend of mine last night, cos when I came back from the campsite I visited with my family, I saw the PERFECT specimen of the male species. He was just completely beautiful. It doesn't really much matter, I'll never see him again. But for a day, I smiled. When I saw him first, I was at the docks, and he was just hanging out and when he saw me, he smiled back and said, "Hi!"

And again, we spoke a bit for like a sentence or two later that night outside the party room. There was a DJ playing and I was dancing, and when I went outside to get some fresh air, he was there again. Again, still, beautiful, and another smile, with a simple, "Hi!" Each and every time we were talking, my brother or my mom just popped up and distracted me. And so I hoped that we could continue to talk to get to know each other better, but it just didn't happen.

I looked around for him later that night, but I didn't see him. I was standing outside of the main office for the site, and me and my brother were talking for a bit, and then out of nowhere, he came out of the bathroom soaking wet after taking a shower. For the last time, I saw the curls from his auburn hair, now dripping, and the shorts he was wearing, clinging to him, there. He saw me, and for the last time, said the same, "hello," before he walked into the dark road to his campsite. The next thing I knew, I was driving home on the highway, picturing him all day long. And I knew it would probably be the last I saw him, ever.

Today, Aiden is in my mind. And it was a nice thing, being able to think about someone for only one day. One day to not have to worry about all the stuff going on in my life. I did a lot of packing today. I emptied out my car of a bunch of stuff, and made room for moving boxes. I went out and got 20 packing boxes and packing tape for some stuff I have left to pack at home. Tomorrow I have sooo much more to do. I'm REALLY nervous. I saw another blogsecret post today, and it saddened me a bit. I need to just stop following blogsecrets. They are either really stupid or really depressing. Or they remind me of someone. And due to the nature of the posts, they are not always good reminders. Mine are, I would think. I do try to do the right thing. I'm not always perfect, but I never stopped caring for anyone.

Like, I don't do ANYTHING to hurt people. Why do people feel like, its okay to hurt me. I care about people. I would lay down my life for someone in a heartbeat. I don't even need to like them, I would still stand up for anyone who was down. But when all I try to do is good, and all my intentions are good, it's like, nobody sees me for the really good and wholesome I am. My heart is so full of just - ache because I care. I think, "there are fully not enough people in the world like me." And that was a quote... from someone who has since told me that he hates me. I never changed.

I LIKE TO MOVE IT! MOVE IT!

So this Tuesday I will be closing on the restaurant with the bank and the title company. Finally I can move in and start cleaning up before I have all the equipment delivered. I also move in to my house this week. I got my Gyros broiler shipped to me, and I was so excited, I wanted to vertically broil something on the spot!

Gyros company is also giving me like, LOTS of cool posters and signs and stuff with their logo on it for free! I am getting logo t-shirts to give away at the grand opening and I'm also getting logo aprons and hats, and I also have a bunch of embroidered Polo shirts being made for the employees.

I have to switch all the utilities over, and get the equipment, but that is about it! So I don't think it will take all of a month getting open. I also have to work on my garage at the house, because I am making that into my storage for the restaurant. I am putting up some drywall panels, and hooking it up nice.

Nothing is going to be left undone. I am hooking up EVERYTHING I can with this place. I pray I can get people who can cook though. I would hate to have to do all the work in this place. I need good employees. I PRAY for good employees! The good thing is, the economy is poor, so lots of people are looking for jobs! I just hope I can pick the right ones. Pray for the next month to run smoothly!

WAITING NOW - ANXIOUS

The days are coming closer. Everything is going to either happen now, 100% the way I am projecting, or fail miserably. I have gotten my insurance quotes, and I am about $4,000 less than what I budgeted for the year! That is freaking AMAZING! I met with the mayor, no word yet from the city attorney as of yet. But me and my landlord signed my lease for the house. I talked to my Realtor, and it appears that we will close on July 28th for now. Which gives me a few extra days of getting into the restaurant to clean before the equipment starts coming in. Its a good thing, because the earliest I can order the equipment is July 27th. The guy is on vacation until then. But I did order my Gyros Broiler and Knife yesterday. So many loose ends right now, but everything is on track. My menus are like, less than 8 cents a piece! Which is really good for full color 11x17 gloss paper! What else is going on? I'm just anxious now. I have so much packing to do. I have laundry to do. I have lots of driving to do back and forth over the next couple weeks. I also am worried about my budget. It is quickly dwindling. This time around, I have less money than last time because I have a down-payment coming out of my budget that I had before. So it is making me nervous when it comes to food and paper ordering.
*breathes*
*prays*
I will talk to you all soon.

STEP BY STEP

And yeah, it isn't three forward and two back. Not yet anyways. I have been wondering when the good stuff is going to stop happening. I really don't think there are many things left in the way. For the first time, things are really going pretty much right on track. I went to the banks last week and the appointments went really well. I got two commitments in two days from filling out the applications. And they were from the banks I was interested in. I got my building inspection report and nothing major was wrong with the building. I finished working on my menu. I set up an appointment with the liquor control commissioner and then when I went to get these beautiful patio sets, even after the local store sold out of them, I managed to have the manager locate them at another location! So I have these beautiful mosaic patio sets for the front of the restaurant.

I could also get the sign guy to scratch the work on the old sign and do my window glass instead for the money I already paid him (I hope). And I am ready to move into a new THREE BEDROOM HOUSE! The house was sort of a last minute find, on a double lot with a detached garage! So I have a year lease, with an option to buy the place after the year is up. I'm pretty stoked about that. I should be pretty much ready to do that by then. Fortunately, because of my vote this past November, MY President decided to give first time home buyers $8,000 towards the purchase of a new home. Which is almost like, 15% of the purchase price! Which is like, the down payment! Which means, my mortgage and taxes will be really cheap for this AMAZING find! Between all of what I will have to pay in mortgage on the building, mortgage on the house, and my line of credit loan for the equipment, I will pay less than my rent was with the douche bag slumlord I had in Chicago.

So, yeah! I am really excited to move now. I pretty much have been for the past few weeks. I will really miss this city. I won't have much time to come back to visit often. But I want this really bad right now. I hope this is the start of something big. Well, I want it to be the start of something bigger. I want to be able to find myself still looking at the coffee kiosks, across the country, like Starbux, and eventually find myself somewhere in time, sooner than later, when I won't have to worry about work anymore, because my money will be working for me. I will have rental real estate working for me, and the coffee business working, and then I will always have the first place I called home.

It'll be nice when I can fulfill a solitary obligation to someone, and slip a call into Apple for an I-TOUCH to be delivered. Beyond that, I would really like to look forward instead of back. The back looks pretty sad, when it is filled with someone who lied about me to all his friends, making me out to be some creep. He'll never know who I was, because he never got it. I feel bad for him. But all that aside, my life is really, really good! For the first time in a while. Ask me how I feel when I have been working 7 days a week for the past 6-7 months, and I'll tell you then if that has changed at all. My guess is, yeah... It'll be better because I will have a lot more money in the bank! :-)

BANKING!

I would love that word to mean "cha-ching!" But it isn't there yet. I am just about to go back to the town to meet with a bunch of people all day long. Three of those just happen to be bankers for a commercial loan for the property. I have a bit of anxiety about that. It's me presenting what I think will go well, in order to ask them to give me money on the premise that I know what the fuck I am doing, and that I will be able to walk in and make enough to pay all the bills I have.

I would hope that after all this time, I could do that, and I have quite a bit of confidence in myself and my abilities, but at the same time, I am really anxious. If I am wrong, and if I fail, then I have all these bills coming month after month, and I am screwed. So it is really all I can do to just stop stressing about it, and walk in there tomorrow and just do it. I have to say, this is where it is really good for me to have my faith. I know that all the things I have no control over, will just have to work themselves out. And I believe God is ultimately in control if I let Him have that control. It doesn't diminish my responsibility to work hard, it just alleviates a whole lot of stress in the meantime.

Besides that, tomorrow I have the building inspector coming to check the major systems for me. And I have to register the business assumed name. As well, I have to meet with the apartment complex to put down my security and application fee. I was really upset to find out that the apartment I was looking at last week has been taken. I loved that location. It seemed perfect. But I will really look now at this other apartment and then before I put down my security, I am going to look elsewhere if I have to. I am really aggravated that this lady gave that apartment up when I told her I wanted it. She said this lady moved in already, without all the applications and stuff? It takes a good two weeks to get all the paperwork in. So I don't really believe her with all she said on the phone. I dunno.

I'm hoping that I will find a place I feel comfortable with. It isn't forever, but it is going to be the place I call home for a while, until the business gets going.

I went to a store today to look at registers. It was really cool. I feel like a kid in a candy store every time I go there. It is probably the one thing that will make ordering easy or difficult, and therefore, it is like, really important when you are on time constraints to get the food made and dished out. It is for this reason that any cash registers which are more than adding machines are really on the pricey end. Some touch screen point of sale systems are as much as $10-15 thousand dollars each terminal! Fortunately, my little adding machine will not be that high. But it is still an expense. And it sets me apart. My menu board could be cheesy but I chose a nice higher end menu board which cost a grand. So if my register costs 8-9 hundred, I can deal. I was looking at another one which tracks data for customers as well, for deliveries and phone orders, but I am not ready to spend the extra thousand right now. So for now, I will settle with that one. I am completely fine with upgrading later.

It's all the equipment, the small wares, the table stuff, the food, the paper, the everything that I need to get that is all going to cost sooooo much, and I am always afraid that I will run out of money before I open! I can't do that because I need to pay the payroll, the utilities, the insurance, the taxes, and the mortgage. So I am nervous about that. I have one month to get things open and running! And if I have to work from morning to night through the morning, for the next month, I will do it!

I'm so driven right now. I hope this all works. THAT is what I am most anxious about.

I must apologize, over the past couple posts, and probably for the next couple months, I will be writing incoherently because I am up at all kinds of hours, with little to no sleep. So, please bear with me. Love you all!

NOW I KNOW I WAS TIRED!

The last blog I posted was really weird. I mean, I was half asleep when I wrote it, but buy banana's??? What was I on about there? And yeah, I was excited about the whole real estate thing, but I really should have slept instead of talking about bananas???

This weekend has been soooo long. And I went to the site with my brother and sister and their families, and got eaten up by mosquitoes, as well as having fun with friends and family. The holidays are fun. I prefer Halloween to the 4th. I even prefer Thanksgiving or Christmas to the 4th. I just think it is horrible, all that wasted pyrotechnics. It is a complete waste of money on gunpowder and color.

Do we realize how many starving people around the country there are for us to be blowing up millions of dollars nationwide on colorful displays? I can understand flags, and block parties and such, but the rest of it is just a worthless display of 20-30 minutes of pomp. And then it is gone. Up in smoke, literally. And those starving people living below the poverty line are still starving, and probably wondering where the thrill was in looking up to the sky, when they could have had a hot meal instead.

Our country's priorities are so screwed. Independence day? We stole this country from the natives. We are so arrogant. I love this place. Only here can we be as obnoxious as we want, and then ridiculously amazed when people get upset with the way we handle the rest of the world. Oh, to not have to worry about it. I wish I had no conscience.

Anyways, it is again, late, and I have started rambling on again, about our little fairy tale weekend with stars and stripes. And now I have to go to sleep, work on more paperwork for the banks on Tuesday, and finally tie things up for that whole move. I have soooo much work packing up to do. I can't believe I am actually moving. I have only moved in a sudden impact before twice. And I have always moved back after a few years or so. Now I am getting tied into real estate. So it isn't like I can really easily move back if I want without liquidating the real estate.

It's ok. I hope there is more to this move than just the move. On a lighter note, I saw this really beautiful girl this weekend. Wow! I have probably found 2-3 girls in my life who I would flip for! This girl is just that beautiful. But more than any look, she is just fascinating. I mean, something about the girl, or those girls I have liked in my life, that just wowed me. She could talk to me for hours and I would just never get tired of listening to her. Its the passion she has. You can see it in someone.

Almost 5:30 am, I need sleep. Hard to do when you are scratching mosquito bites. Nyte all. And yeah, I will be delayed in sending that gift, but I have like, seriously two more months before I open! So I won't even have time to think about you over the next couple months, let alone send a freakin' gift! So since you aren't even expecting it, you won't miss it, but I won't forget about it. And duh, I won't forget about you either.

CLOSING IS OPENING?

Well, FINALLY! I have a signed contract on the property in that wonderful small town I spoke of in my last blog post. But finally, we got to the point where neither one of us would move, and I hated letting go of that which I saw so much positive in. So, I made the sale, and I signed the contract, and I have LOADS of stuff to do now. I have 3 banks, 2 insurance agencies, 15 vendors, and tons of City and County offices to visit. Everyone is really nice, and the people in the town are ECSTATIC that I am opening there! Apparently, the building and its owners in the distant past were there after the bars close and eating a late night breakfast.

I hope that all the plans I am making will happen. Beer and Wine listed here as one of my BIGGER priorities. Equipment at a low cost, and vendors all in place. I want it to go off without a hitch! And that is going to take a lot of time and hard work. So when I finally get there this coming Tuesday again, I have about 10 hours of back to back meetings with a HUGE amount of people.

It's time, for my chance to make my life, ALL that I had hoped for since I was a kid. And now, for once, I have a building that is both affordable and NOT rat infested, or mold ridden, or with rotted out walls. It is actually REALLY nice inside, and the space requirements I have are greatly diminished by the size of the building, but in my apartment I am renting, I can add a garage unit for dry storage and just use it exclusively for that, and then I can write off the expense. I also have 3 sets of financials, worst case scenario, moderate sales potential, best case scenario. This way I can approach each of the banks I meet with, an accurate as possible expectation that they will give me the financing I need. Because they will be confident in my ability to make the business work.

All those years of experience, and the blood, sweat and tears I shed; I guess it is already coming to a head now, and it is finally MINE! I don't have to pay the mortgage for someone else. The mortgage, the equity I am building, all of it is mine!

If you want to come see the place, drop me a line, and I will talk to you about it, and I am off to sleep. It's about 6 pm, and I have not been to sleep from last night yet. I have had so much paper work to do to apply for the loans, and insurance, and stuff. I am just having a difficult time holding my eyes open. Bye!

Don't forget, JULY IS NATIONAL HOT DOG MONTH! So go buy your banana's!

SAUDADE

Wow, I found it! A word that defines how I feel. And I never thought I was like ANYONE else in feeling it. But yeah, that is it. SAUDADE!

Anyways, nowadays I have been working on a new restaurant in the far west part of the state I live in. So it is like a two hour drive from where I am now. Which means, I will be moving if I get the place. It is for sale, so me getting it, will be contingent on the Seller accepting my offer, or us coming to terms on a price, and also on my getting financing from a bank for the property. Everything else seems trivial and not really a block to me getting it, it is just those two things, the price, and the financing. I hope that will go well.

I drove there this past Friday, and I walked up on it and it was SOOOOO cute! Just looking from the outside, it was adorable from the little town it was in to the bench outside to the idea I saw it with little patio tables outside with mosaic tiles and planters, and then the Realtor came and let me in, and I saw how wonderful it was set up and how much I saw myself behind the counter, and smiled as I saw the simplicity. It had recently been open. So now I looked around and asked myself if I could do it. Could I actually live in a small town again. It seemed almost like a Pleasantville town in technicolor.

But the good part was that it is still only two hours away from the city, and it was really inexpensive to buy the place! So I went back to the realty office, and talked with the Realtor. She called the Seller and we talked a bit, about some concerns I had about what equipment and fixtures would be staying and when it would be able to be emptied to take possession. And I wrote up an offer before I left.

Then I drove over to the apartment complex I had found online, and I found the cutest little one bedroom apartment there with a garage! And although I couldn't have a dog (I love dogs), I could have a cat. But it was just the perfect size for someone who would be working from open to close and just needed a simple place to sleep in. It would be home for at least the first year or two. Beyond that, I would hope to be able to afford a house there, since they are also moderately priced.

So now the Seller has made a counteroffer to me, and I replied with my own counteroffer. So this afternoon, I am going to go back there to check out some plumbing and electrical systems with my brother, since he will be out there doing some work with my other brother's shop in the town next to where I will be.

This is my last attempt to do something on my own. If this one doesn't pan out, I will just assume that this isn't my time. All I can hope for is that one simple phrase, those two words in Hebrew, Jehovah Jireh - "The Lord Provides!" If it's meant to be, it will happen, and if it doesn't, it won't. Financing seems to be the only block now, and I hope that will prove to be non-existent as well. If all goes well, I will be taking possession on August 1, 2009. And I will be open by Labor Day weekend (the first weekend in September). Today, I am just happy for the opportunity to dream. "Only in dreams can a man be truly free. Twas always thus, and always thus will be." John Keating Dead Poet's Society.

I probably would have made a LOT more money doing the same thing here in Chicago, but in the end, I don't think I would have been as happy if I had to deal with the issues I had with the landlord. It was a lot of unintended stress that I didn't need to deal with. Here I will be in a smaller town. But not a ghost town. It is actually quite quaint. Although the one thing I see as a potential problem is that the place I am moving to with a population of approximately 25,000 has about 60 churches in it. This means to me that the town is pretty religious. I am quite spiritual, but not at all religious anymore. For Christ Sake, they have laws on the books prohibiting the possession of pornographic materials. What, there is no internet in this town???